S03|07 - Self-Care and Parenting Struggles with Malva Gasowski

 

Malva is a trained and born teacher passionate about teaching others, young and old(er). She is a family coach working with families to bring and maintain a harmonious balance between all elements of life we are currently juggling. Malva is a strong-willed child (turned adult) who is raising strong-willed children while helping other parents understand them through her 1:1 sessions, communities, summits, and her podcast.

What we cover in this episode:

• Malva’s background and how we can tie strengths in our businesses to our personal life
• Why self-care is so important and how it affects our parenting
• How we can weave self-care into our regular life

Connect with Malva here: http://www.malvagasowski.com/
And Here: @coachingmotherandall
Get Crystal’s free self-care kit HERE

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I would be honored to be your coach and help you get the changes you want to see in your life. The tools that I talk about in my podcast and use in my coaching have completely turned around my life and my relationships with my children. I know what it takes and how to make it happen. You can use the links below to get more of my content and to learn what we do in my program By Design. I love helping women tap into their inner expert and build radical connection in their relationships with their children.

Link to my program: By Design
Find me on the ‘gram: The.Parenting.Coach
My website: coachcrystal.ca
Work with me 1:1 HERE

 

 

Episode Transcript

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hey, I'm Crystal, a certified life coach and mom of four. In this podcast, we combine radical connection and positive parenting theories with the How-To Life Coaching Tools and Mindset Work to completely transform our relationship with our children.

Join me on my journey, unleash your inner parenting expert, and become the mother you've always wanted to be. Make sure you subscribe wherever you listen to your podcast and rate this podcast on Apple, and check out my transformative monthly membership for moms in the show notes.

 

Malva Gasowski’s background

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hi, I'm excited to bring you this episode, Self-Care and Parenting Struggles with Malva.

Malva is a trained and born teacher, passionate about teaching others – young and old(er). She is a family coach, working with families to bring and maintain a harmonious balance between all elements of life we are currently juggling. 

Malva is a strong-willed child (turned adult) who is raising strong-willed children while helping other parents understand them through her one-on-one sessions, communities, summits, and podcasts. 

Malva is enthusiastic about having the child's perspective being heard and understood without looking at it through the lens of an adult. Your child is not manipulating you; they are expressing their strong needs. 

Your child is not questioning your authority; they want to understand how the world works. Your child is not being defiant; they're trying to see how developed their independent skills are. 

Hello, Malva. Thank you for being with us today.

 

Malva Gasowski: Thank you for having me. Hi, everyone.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hey. So, Malva and I did an Instagram live together, months ago, that was so good. And the conversation was so fun, and I was thinking we should have that same conversation here on the podcast because I really loved it, and I know the people that watched it then really loved it; and I think this is just a really needed conversation. 

So, before we dig into that, I would love for you to tell our listeners a little bit about you and about what you do; and also, kind of what led you to doing what you do right now.

 

Malva Gasowski: I'm a mom of three; self-care is necessary. So, this is something that led me to it because I thrive on overdrive, personally. So, if I am in overdrive, then I am the biggest achiever. 

But you know, like when you are working in overdrive, hence the name, you are doing too much; and therefore, the consequences for both your mental and physical state can be visible – and sometimes even for your family. 

So, making sure that we take care of ourselves is something that I really believe is necessary in the parenting world, especially for the primary caregiver. And I am a parenting family coach, so I work with parents, but I also work with whole family that sometimes need to work a little bit on bringing harmony to their dynamic. 

And one of the things that I do have people asking me most about is, mom feels burnt out because she feels that the whole burden of parenting and organization of the house and organization of her whole life, and then this fear of missing out and this fear of comparison to other people is just taking a huge toll on her. 

So, very often working with parents, and then this case with the main care caregiver, which in my case predominantly our moms, they come and say, "I can't take it anymore, I can't be that perfect mom anymore." And so, this is where I bring support to the families.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love that. Tell us a little bit about your educational background and how you kind of got to do what you do right now. Like, what drove you to decide to be a Parent Family Coach?

 

Malva Gasowski: Well, I'm a strong-willed child (turned adult), and I was the first; and my mom was a very young mom, she had me at 17. So, you can only imagine how difficult of a child I was; everything was my way or the highway, and I would fight tooth and nail.

And that kind of overflowed to me being the "boss" in the playground, and me being the boss at school, and me trying to organize things because, of course, I knew it better. 

And then, adults had a different concept of what I should be doing, and I didn't really like to conform to any of those rules – which for me told me, "Why don't parents or caregivers or teachers, why can't they understand me? Like, what is wrong with them?" Of course, nothing was wrong with me, at that time. 

And so, I started studying Psychology. Then I started studying Pedagogy, which is the science of teaching, and I started studying Sociology. So, how does science of learning and teaching and psychology work in the social setting? That's what sociology all is all about. 

And then, I went into Counseling; I have a Master's in Counseling. And then, I realized that all of the things that I've been doing are very much needed in the corporate world as well. 

 

How we can tie strengths in our businesses to our personal life

So, my main focus when it comes to earning money, a few years ago, was being a corporate trainer. So, I would go into corporations and I would teach them communication and being assertive and managing and project management because I also have my postgraduate degree in Project Management. 

And very often, I ended up with people asking me, 'Well, how do I use this at home? How do I use this at home?' 

And every time I did anything, people would never open up about their work-related problems because; a boss can never say that he's wrong – a boss can never say that he has problems with, let's say, with un-assertiveness, but he's really willing to say, "I don't know how to say, no, to my little girl," or, "I don't know how to say, no, to my wife or my friend". 

And so, people would open up during those training sessions about their private life, and I found myself giving people constantly advice and tips that they could use in their private life. 

And so, I found myself under this umbrella of whatever your company is spending thousands and thousands of dollars on training you, that knowledge is not only implementable in your corporation, but it's also implementable at home if you change the words – maybe even change the tone – and see that your children might require the same respect that you give to your boss or that you give to your peers. 

Because very often, we're so quick as parents to say, "How many times did I tell you not to forget your umbrella when it's raining?" But when your colleague forgot their umbrella, you'd never talk to them with such a tone. You'd say, "Hi, Johnny, you forgot your umbrella again – here you go." 

And you would just hand that umbrella to them. And so, I started working with both people taking my degrees from both, in the corporate world as well as the parenting world, helping parents. 

And because I too, like I mentioned before, I'm a strong-willed child and I have strong-willed children, especially sensitive, strong-willed children, which means that 80% of the parenting advice that is commonly available, doesn't work with them.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.

 

Malva Gasowski: Training doesn't work with them, being a dictator doesn't work with them. And I find that when I cracked the code of the strong wilderness in them – not cracking them, but cracking the code of how to communicate with them – then life is, it's easy. 

And it's boring, and I'm sorry to say, but like the only excitement that we have is if we create it; there are no tantrums, there are no hissy fits, there are no teenage slamming doors. 

Like we just came back from a holiday with my husband, and I'm like, 'This was a boring holiday.' He's like, 'Yeah.' I'm like, 'I didn't even-- I wasn't even mad at you, like, can we do something?' So, I'm like, 'Oh, yeah, by the way, you didn't kiss me enough.' You know? 

So, we laugh because if we're able to communicate with each other and get our needs met, and our wants met, and understand where-- Our need is less important than the need of, let's say, a baby right now, it's in the middle of the night. 

If we understand all of that, then I believe that life can be smooth-sailing, but you need to put the effort in learning and know we are not know-it-alls the moment we welcome a baby into our life, which is technically something that is expected from parents. 

And this is something that I'm fighting with, for everyone not to feel inadequate as a parent, because they don't have all the answers the moment the baby is welcomed into their life.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. And we don't need all those answers. I was just recording an interview the other day with someone, and this is exactly what we were talking about. 

Like, we don't have to just like, as soon as our baby is born, have all the answers; we can figure that out, and tap into that intuitive power that we have – so, that's such an interesting story. 

I love your-- I love your analogy of the umbrella because I really think that it is totally different sometimes how we, you know, might maybe treat our friends or employees or coworkers – Versus how we treat our family members. 

And so, I love that you were able to help them kind of take those skills and use them at home as well. And so, now, you're not working in the corporate world anymore. Right now, you just work with families?

 

Malva Gasowski: I work predominantly with families. Sometimes my big corporate clients, they're like, 'Come on, just, just, just, just one training session.' So, once in a while, I go in there, but this is not my main focus.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. I love that. And what age are your children? You said you have three of them. What are their ages?

 

Malva Gasowski: My personal children? Okay. So, my personal children are 12, 7, and 5 currently.

 

Why self-care is so important, and how it affects our parenting

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. Awesome. All right. So, let's dig into what we wanted to chat about today, which is self-care, which you already kind of brought up in the beginning. 

So, I'm curious about how you notice that lack of self-care – choosing not to work on ourselves or maybe feeling like we don't have the time or don't have the money to take care of us – affects people's parenting, and what you've seen with your clients.

 

Malva Gasowski: Well, there are so many things I can say on this-- And please, cut me off if I go into too long of a monologue. But generally speaking, people associate self-care with being selfish; and this is the first mindset shift that we need to make. 

You're not selfish when you need to go pee; you're not. You're not selfish when you need to drink a cup of water. You're not selfish when you need to get some food into your system. You're not selfish if you want to put on some mascara. You're not selfish if you want to read a book. You're not selfish if you want to binge-watch. Okay? 

So, all of these things are not a sign of selfishness. And yes, if you're going to pee all day being locked up in the bathroom or drink water all night, and binge-watch all weekend and all week-long, that can be considered selfish. 

We're talking about moderation in everything that we do. And no matter how wonderful this red velvet cake is that you have in front of you, if you attempt to eat a whole three tier cake at once, it's not going to be a pleasurable experience. 

And so, what I'm trying to teach the people that I work with – and especially the moms, like I mentioned at the beginning, it's the moms that feel this innate burden of parenthood – you don't have to have the whole cake, just take a slice. 

And if all you need is just one bite and let it melt in your mouth, then that's all you're going to have. And, this is-- The cake is just an analogy. I'm not saying go and spend thousands of dollars on a, you know, week getaway with your girlfriends and have spa sessions all day. 

I'm talking about put your kids in the bubble bath, you sit on the floor while watching them, take off the nail polish off your toes, do your magic pedicure for 15 minutes while they're playing; this is enough, this is the bite of red velvet cake self-care that I'm talking about. 

So, there's this misconception of, 'I need to have it all, or I don't have anything.' And then, 'I need to have a lot of money, I need to have a lot of time, I don't have babysitters.' 

I'll give you a fun fun-fact. My child is 12 years old; my eldest child is 12 years old. And as we speak, he has not been away from me for more than three nights in total throughout his whole life, apart from one time a year where he goes on a camp – so he goes on a sailing camp. 

All the time, my kids are with me. My middle child and my younger child have never been away on a sleepover. So, I'm not saying that I'm stopping them; we just don't have those possibilities. 

So, when someone tells me, "I don't know how to take care of myself because I need to take care of my child, I don't have help," neither do I, but I'm a girly girl – my nails are always done, my hair is always done, not because I have loads of time, but because I make it fun for my kids; and that's what I advise people to do with their kids as well. 

"Well, you show me how you take care of your stuffed animal while mommy does her makeup." Or, "Why don't you maybe do your own nails while mommy does her nails too?" Or, "How about you brush mommy's hair while we do other things?" 

So, there are so many things you can do to implement self-care in your life by weaving it into taking care of your children as well so, at least, you feel good about yourself. 

Because very often, we feel that if we put ourselves in the sacrifice mode, 'I need to sacrifice everything, I can't even take a shower because my children will need me,' then this is short-lived. Like there's only so much you can give without you losing your mind. 

And then, on the other hand, the more yelling and the more blood-boiling experiences you have in your house is a definite sign of 'there's not much that you can give anymore because your picture of water is just empty, and you're running on empty.' 

Listen, if your car can't run on empty and it will just shut down, so will your body – either physically or your mental state; and then you won't enjoy parenting, which is a shame because parenting is amazing. It is the hardest job, but it's the most rewarding one emotionally, if you put your heart in it, but not necessarily you are all in it.

 

How we can weave self-care into our regular life

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. I love that. I remember hearing a conference a while ago, and they were talking about-- I don't think he used the term self-care, but he was kind of talking about the things that we do to fill ourselves up. 

And so, he did use this analogy of like a big huge vat and he said, "You know, we don't always have to be putting in like giant scoopfuls, we can be putting in like small little teaspoons." 

And so, like a small little teaspoon would just be like a deep breath or like going outside and getting fresh air or like what you said, having a shower or, you know, there's just tiny little things that we can do throughout the day that are those tiny little scoops; it doesn't always have to be big scoops. 

Sometimes it is; sometimes we do get that weekend away or we sometimes, you know, get to go on a lovely trip or an evening out. And also, what I've noticed is that when I have these conversations with people that say like what you're saying, like, "I don't have time, I can't take care of myself," – and I always tell people like, "You don't not have time". 

Like it's going to burn you so much out that you're not going to be able to parent in the way that you want. And it'll actually take more time to do all of those day-to-day things that you're doing when you're doing them from that state. 

And so, one of the things we do is we block ourselves from ideas. When we tell ourselves that there's no way that we can take time for self-care, then we just immediately, you know, pull down the curtain of any ideas that might come up. 

And so, you've been able to find all these wonderful ideas about how to weave it into your parenting and to still kind of be with your children while still taking care of yourself; and I'm sure there's things you do on your own without them as well, throughout that. 

And all of those ideas came from believing like, 'Oh, maybe this is possible for me too.' And so, for anyone that's listening, just give yourself the idea of like, 'Maybe it is possible, how could I figure this out? If it was possible, what are some ideas that could come to me?' 

And just brainstorm and see what happens for you. So, let's move on to different types of self-care then. So, I'm curious for you what things have helped maybe you with self-care or what you've noticed with your clients has really helped improve their parenting, specifically.

 

Malva Gasowski: I find that a lot of people are – let's say, one-path-driven. 'I love reading, I'm just going to read,' or 'I want to run a marathon, this is the only thing that I'm going to--' 'I'm going to train to run this marathon,' or 'There's this project at work, I really need to devote all my time into this project at work – even, say, spend overtime at work in order to devote everything I have to this project.' 

However, if they apply the same mindset to parenting, there's a problem – because, 'When are you running that marathon? When does that project launch? When does that book finish?' Okay? With parenting, there's no end date. 

Like, what is the end date? Their next birthday or the moment they move out? Does that mean that they stop being your children? Is it the moment they go to school? No, there's no end date. 

So, although you're trying to put in your all, you don't have that, 'Whew! All right, the launch happened. I'm going to get rewards, financial or just pleasure with all of these happy hormones because I did it – now I can relax.' 

With parenting, even if you're going on holiday and if you're going with kids, like, it's just a different place where you take care of your kids. They still need to have a diaper changed or be entertained or have food in their system. 

So, there is no 'end date'. And yes, a date here or there, especially with young moms is possible – but then you fight with mom-guilt, 'Oh my goodness, my baby, I miss them so much.' 

And so, again, we're always in our head. So, what I'm trying to tell people is that there is no end date with parenting, so you can't give it your all. And this is not me saying, don't put all of the effort in there. 

I'm just telling you that it can't be at the cost of everything else, your self-care included, because you're just going to drive yourself to the ground and then you'll be frustrated like I said. 

We are not able to access the rational part of our brain, the adventure part of our brain, the happy part of our brain, the part of our brain where we think logically, but plan for the future if we're always stuck in the survival mode, 'I'm fighting for my life,' or 'I just need to run away.' 

If this is what you're doing, you're fighting for your life-- Well, my brother, this is his analogies. So, if you're paddling in a swamp, he used a different word that also starts with sh… or with s… 

But if you're paddling in a swamp and you're just trying to keep afloat to take that one breath – and this is your parenting reality – okay, something's wrong. This is not what parenting is all about. I always say, 'You can be whatever you want in your life, and you can have many passions, many goals, many even hats you can wear at work and at home, but never all at the same time.' 

So, if I want to be the perfect cleaning lady and make sure that my house is spotless clean, that doesn't mean that I'm able to produce a five-course meal and a dessert for my children because I physically don't have the time. 

If I want to be a perfect date for my husband with, you know, little curled hair and a super cute dress and go out and have dinner just one-on-one, then at that same time, I can't be a "perfect mom" reading books and doing arts-and-crafts with my children; I can't duplicate myself. 

So, when I say, 'You can be whatever you want to be,' try to put your heart into whatever you're doing, but if you don't understand that all of that can't be done at the same time – but there needs to be prioritization or differentiation in the things that you do – then it's going to be a difficult mindset for you if you don't understand that concept. Okay? 

Let me rephrase that, in case I lost my train of thought. If you want to eat dinner, you can't eat dessert at the same time with the two forks in your mouth. If you want to be drinking – you can't be eating cake, eating lasagna, and drinking at the same time. 

If you want to be eating cake, eating dinner, drinking, and talking at the same time, it's just not possible; you won't be able to enjoy any of those things that you're doing. 

However, spacing yourself out; eat your lasagna – between bites, put your fork down and have a conversation. Eat your dessert – small slice of the red velvet cake. Drink your wine or your glass of water, whatever you choose, and have a conversation, in the meantime – but first swallow. You did everything, but not at the same time. So, that's the same thing with self-care.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. I was just talking to a client who was feeling like she was, you know, feeling guilty when she was doing things on her own and feeling like she was spending too much time on her own – but then when she's with her kids, feeling burnt out and overwhelmed and whatever. 

And so, what we talked about was like, the time that you're spending on you, if you're allowing it to really nourish you and rejuvenate you, and you're really focusing on it like what you said, like, 'I'm just going to be here eating my dinner, I'm not going to be thinking about all of the other things back home that I need to deal with later.' 

When you're just focusing on that, then it actually helps you enjoy your parenting – enjoy your dinner, enjoy the other portion of it when you're focusing on that as well, and I think do it better. 

The parents that I see that-- I don't mean better as in like, 'I'm a better mom than you,' but better as in like, you're enjoying it more, like you are able to handle those things in a more whole way is because motherhood isn't our only identity; it's not the only thing that drives us, there's so many other things going on. 

And when we can allow ourselves to be rejuvenated and refreshed through self-care, we're able to do the whole motherhood thing in the way that we want to, so much more of the time. 

It's not like you're never going to yell or never going to feel stressed or your life's just going to be 'rainbows and daisies' all the time – but you'll be able to handle that. When it does get difficult, you'll be able to handle those moments if you are filled up – like what you said, 'Your gas tank is full'. Right? 

 

How would a busy mom practice self-care?

Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, what does self-care really look like? Like, in an application mode – let's go to like, 'Okay, so for a mom, during the day, she has kids that are running around, what would she do throughout the week to take the time? What would that look like? How can she get started?'

 

Malva Gasowski: Depends. Like, I don't know what you like for dinner. You don't know what I like for dinner. So, the first question is ask yourself, what do you want? 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. 

 

Malva Gasowski: And there's a difference between, what do you want and what do you need? Okay? Very often parents confuse that. What I mean by that is, 'Well, I want to kind of go for a spa weekend.' Okay, do you need that? 'Well, no.' Then what do you need? 'Well, I just want to look good like I used to in the past.' 

I'm like, 'Well, okay, if this is what you want to do, because you used to have manicured fingernails and a cute outfit and you would fit in that outfit; and now, you're scared because you don't fit in that outfit and your nails are not done – but this is what you still want.' 

Then what I'm trying to say is that you don't need the spa to achieve all of that because maybe you just don't have the finances, because now kids cost a lot of money. Like in the past you invested that money for yourself; and now, you can't, and that's possible too. 

So, I still want my manicured fingers, but I can't go to the spa, can I do it by myself? Or, can I have a date night with my friend? Can she come and do my nails? Right? Find a cheaper option. 

If I want to fit into that cute outfit, then what can I do? If I want a cute outfit, why not buy another one, one that is a size bigger – that fits your curvaceous amazing body that gave birth to a child? 

Why not? Because as a breastfeeding mom, like, wow, I've never had curves bigger than breastfeeding; and I love them, but did I fit in my size-6 shirt? No. And thank goodness, because I would not have been able to feed my children because that's how my body worked.

So, if it means buy yourself a different outfit that is cute, that you feel good in, then that's it. Don't try to squeeze yourself into an old outfit because it is not for you; it does not serve you. 

If you want to-- Let's say going back to this appearance, I don't know why I'm sticking to that. But if you want to look cute and you think, 'Well, the only thing that I can do is I need exercise – I need to have a private trainer and I need to go to the gym, but that's just not possible – so I give up, I'm not going to do anything.' 

Well, how about your kids jump in the stroller and you walk with them? Or how about your kids ride on their rollerblades, and so do you? 

How about you guys go on a bike ride together, and then ask your husband, you know, or your partner, 'How about you take the kids the short way, and I'll just go by myself the long way home?' Try to work with what you want as in the present and the goal – so, 'Now I want this, and the goal is…' and try to kind of weave that into your everyday life. 

So, for me, I feel best when nothing hurts me. And I have a very, because being a strong-willed child, I'm also a sensitive one. So even, like the seams of a shirt can hurt me to the extent that I'm scratching my skin and I'm creating, woos. 

So, I can't have anything like that. And then, for example, if I have calluses on my feet or if I have something stuck in my eye and it's bothering me, I'm just going to do more harm to my body than changing that shirt or changing those socks, or having a pedicure done by myself. And if I know that nothing is bothering me, then I can be so much better as a parent.

And not necessarily I need to be a good mom, but better as a parent – in the sense, I feel better parenting my kids because then they know I'm having fun with them. So, a lot of the times, parents, when they spend time with their kids, they're later a little bit stressed because the kids are saying, 'Well, can't you play with me longer? Mommy, longer. Daddy, longer. Oh, come on.' 

Why? Why is that? Why are the kids, like they never get enough? Well, yeah, because you were just having fun. You were the better parent at that time because you were giving them your smile, you were giving them your jokes, you were giving them your attention – instead of being a schedule-pusher, 'Come on, put your shoes on, we got to go to the car – we got to do this, we got to do that.' 

That's no fun; neither for them nor for you. So, your kids are going to want to tap into when you're a better person because you are happy with yourself. So, imagine you being able to take care of yourself and then with that filled cup of happiness, you go and share that with your children; and they're like, 'Wow, mom, I like you better this way, rather than screaming or yelling.' 

Or, 'Wow, dad, I like you better when you're spending time with me, as opposed to being frustrated that the garden is not mowed' – whatever the case may be. So, remember when both Crystal and I, when we say the word 'better', we don't mean that you need to improve everything and be "perfect" – but we want you to enjoy it and be better with yourself while sharing yourself with others.

 

How self-care has improved my parenting skills & strengthened my relationships

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. And I like what you said about how your kids will even notice that, right? So, that then they're not going to be so upset over time about your self-care. 

So, one thing that I do – and I've done this our entire marriage – is every single week, once a week, we go out on a date; and that's just something that I've decided that we're going to do. And my parents always did it, and I just knew that it really helped their relationship. 

And so, I just decided that that was, like, a non-negotiable for us. And so, sometimes, you know, when things are crazy, maybe we have to do that date at home when our kids are sleeping, but most of the time, we were able to figure it out. Even when we were like poor students, we could swap babysitting or, you know, get somebody to help out, or families or whatever. 

So, we were always able to figure this out; and my kids just know like, 'Okay, it's Friday, this is what's happening.' Like, they're just-- They're just so prone to that, and I think that they can also see how much it helps us. 

And so, it's not something that they complain about it, or argue about, or are mad when we're leaving; and then, I don't feel guilty either. I'm like, 'We go, I love it – I know it helps me, I know it helps my husband, and my kids are used to that just being our time.' 

And so, I think that they can see over time, when you do those things for you, how it does help you, how it does inspire you and encourage you. And, I think of-- I like the question that you asked about, what do you want? Because I think it is very individual, right? 

Like for me, if I were thinking, 'Okay, what would I want for self-care?' Like my ultimate self-care would probably just be like sitting quietly on my own and reading a book or, like, being out and on a walk by myself. 

And like, it doesn't have to be expensive, it doesn't have to be super time-consuming, but just think about things that you think that you would enjoy. And if you're struggling to think about things you think you enjoy, think about a time when you did take time for yourself, like what Malva said. 

Like, what did you used to enjoy doing? Was it, you know, getting dressed up fancy and doing your makeup? Was it, I don't know, yoga or running? Like, what are some things that you used to love doing before you had kids? 

And just try implementing those regularly throughout the weekend. See what changes and what shifts for you. Because just like we've been talking about this whole conversation, self-care is so important to being the kind of parent that we want to be. 

And when we talk about being better, it doesn't mean being perfect, but it means feeling good about your parenting and enjoying your motherhood.

 

Motivate yourself: Self-care Challenge

Malva Gasowski: Right. I'm going to give you a sentence that might hurt someone in the sense of, kind of, a little pinch in the side of the hand. 

So, when we think about all of the things that we're doing at home, I don't mean to be mean or I don't mean to be rude, but just a little bit of a perspective shift is what I'm asking for. 

If we think about scrubbing the toilets or cleaning the kitchen or making sure that the cushions on the sofa are laid out, and then we are running around taking care of our kids, I mean sometimes working at the same time as being a mom or a dad? 

And then, we think about self-care, and we try to compare – compare the last time when you took care of your own body and you took care of your own mental state versus the last time you scrubbed the toilet. 

Do you take care of the toilet more often than you take care of yourself? Do you take care of the kitchen more often than you take care of your own mental state? 

Do you take care of the sofa more often than you take care of your hair, nails, body, mind, whatever you want? Relationship, maybe self-care is like Crystal mentioned earlier, that date night with your partner.  

If you can say honestly to yourself, 'Yeah, I scrub the toilets every week, but the last time I did my nails – God I don't remember, I just bite them off and I want to have nice nails.' 

Well, maybe this is the time to leave that toilet alone and do your nails. If you for example, want to read a book, you've been meaning to watch a Netflix show or you've been meaning to read that book that's on the shelf – I'm not telling you to sit down and read the whole thing, but you will spend, I'm guessing, 25 minutes cleaning the kitchen… the kitchen can wait. 

It's going to get dirty anyway; might as well can wait. Now, it's mama's time to read – 25 minutes I'm reading; and that's fine, and that is completely fine. 

So, think about it; are you treating your life, your body, and your mind as well as you're treating the cleaning responsibilities in your house? If not, maybe it's a time to change your perspective.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. Yeah, definitely, just take a little minute and think about that for yourself. Whatever that thing is that you are focusing on spending time on, maybe it's spending all of your time on your kids or all your time on cleaning your house – how much time are you spending on you as well? 

Because without you, none of those things will happen; the house won't get cleaned, your kids won't get taken care of, right? You need to focus on you too. So, thank you so much, Malva, for joining us; and for having this conversation, and for sharing your knowledge and all of these self-care tips for moms.

 

Malva Gasowski: Thank you, Crystal, for having me. Thank you, everyone, for listening.

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Make sure that you give it Five Stars on Apple, and check out my monthly membership for moms in the show notes.