The Parenting Coach Podcast with Crystal

S03|15 - Body Positivity and its Relationship with Our Daughters

Dec 06, 2021

Catie is a mom of 4 kids in 5 years. After her 3rd baby she really struggled with her weight. She got to a point where she really didn’t recognize herself anymore. She didn’t know who she was or what she was doing. She felt like she had lost her purpose. Now after having her 4th baby, and especially since she has two daughters, she wants to change the narrative when it comes to moms and how we view and talk to ourselves. It’s so easy to lose ourselves in the motherhood role. We had an identity before being a mom and she help moms rediscover who they are and helps them feel confident in themselves inside and out. 

In our conversation, you’ll hear:

  • Catie’s journey and struggles with body positivity
  • The importance of modelling healthy body image to our daughters
  • How to love ourselves, no matter what
  • The power of speaking truth to your body + standing naked in front of a mirror

Connect with Catie on IG: @catie.mchardy

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I would be honored to be your coach and help you get the changes you want to see in your life. The tools that I talk about in my podcast and use in my coaching have completely turned around my life and my relationships with my children. I know what it takes and how to make it happen. You can use the links below to get more of my content and to learn what we do in my program By Design. I love helping women tap into their inner expert and build radical connection in their relationships with their children.

Link to membership: By Design
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My website: coachcrystal.ca
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Episode Transcript

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hey, I'm Crystal, a certified life coach and mom of four. In this podcast, we combine radical connection and positive parenting theories with the How-To Life Coaching Tools and Mindset Work to completely transform our relationship with our children.

Join me on my journey, unleash your inner parenting expert, and become the mother you've always wanted to be. Make sure you subscribe wherever you listen to your podcast and rate this podcast on Apple, and check out my transformative monthly membership for moms in the show notes.

 

Catie’s journey and struggles with body positivity

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hi, I'm excited to bring you today's episode, Body Positivity and its Relationship with Our Daughters. Today, I'm interviewing special guest Catie McHardy. 

Catie is a mom of 4 kids in 5 years. After her 3rd baby, she really struggled with her weight. She got to a point where she didn’t even recognize herself anymore. She didn’t know who she was or what she was doing. She felt like she had lost her purpose. 

Now, after having her 4th baby, and especially since she has two daughters, she wants to change the narrative when it comes to moms and how we view and talk to ourselves. It’s so easy to lose ourselves in the motherhood role, that we used to have an identity before being a mom. She helps moms to rediscover who they are, and help them feel confident in themselves from the inside-out. 

Hey Catie, thanks for coming to join us today.

 

Catie McHardy: Thank you for having me. I'm so excited.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I'm super excited. So, Catie and I met on Clubhouse a long time ago when Clubhouse was really cool, and I was on there all the time.

 

Catie McHardy: Back in the day, it feels like.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah, maybe it's still cool, I don't know, but I don't have time for it as much anymore. But we connected there, and then connected through Instagram for a while. 

And what I really loved about your account – well, besides that you have four kids and you’re a mom and doing all the mom things – was when you talk about body positivity and body image. 

And so, that is what I want to dive into today. But before we get into that, I would love for you to tell us a little bit about you and what you do, and a little bit about your journey in life.

 

Catie McHardy: I'm so excited. So, I'm Catie McHardy. I have four kids in about five years. So, I had my kids pretty back-to-back, which was great – but whoa, there's a lot. It's a lot of kids in a lot of years. 

My first three are three in three years, and then we just had our baby a year ago. So, I always grew up kind of just struggling in myself, in my body – always kind of just having a really hard time. 

And sadly, I grew up with a parent who was not a positive influence in that way – a very negative person when it came to how they looked, how they felt… so much negativity towards herself, which then landed on me. So, it's something I feel like I have really truly struggled with my entire life. 

And then, you add on having kids; and no one tells you, like, what happens to your body when you have kids. Like, that is something that, literally, I'm like, 'I'm shocked my husband still wants to look at me right now because I legitimately look like a whale.' 

And I feel like pregnancy, it's a beautiful thing, and it's so magical, and it's so wonderful. I truly do not like being pregnant. Like, I really don't enjoy being pregnant. My body has a really hard time being pregnant; and then postpartum you're just like--  

I feel like there's so much that's not talked about when it comes to postpartum. And I feel like it's changing. I feel like we're making strides when it comes to the postpartum space and the body image space in the postpartum world. 

But I remember having my third baby, so third baby in three years; I was probably like, I don’t know, like out kind of that like 'newborn-bliss age', like three, four, maybe five months postpartum. 

And I remember looking in the mirror, and I just sobbed; I was at my heaviest weight. I literally didn't recognize who I was anymore. I didn't know who this person was. I had really like literally given everything to my kids, and I had kind of lost who I was. 

And so, I feel like that was a really big turning point, kind of, at the beginning. I was just-- It sadly, was a point where I had to get to my lowest to finally find myself and give myself the courage to get back up again – which I hate that that is so common that we have to really get to the bottom--  

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Rock-bottom, before we're like the 'Wait, now we need help.'

 

Catie McHardy: Right? 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. 

 

Catie McHardy: And then, that's really kind of what catapulted my mindset; and how I wanted to raise when we found out that we were pregnant again, and that it was going to be a girl, and that I was going to have two girls. 

I mean, it's important for my boys as well, but when I realized like, 'I've got to change this for my girls because I refuse to have them have the same experience that I did.' Like, it's so hard to be a girl, a woman right now with social media and so much exposure at such a young age. I don't want that for my girls. 

And so, during my pregnancy journey and then postpartum, I was like, 'Something's got to give – I need to be a voice because there have to be other moms who feel this way. There have to be like-- There have to be people who feel the same way I do, but they're probably just scared to talk about it… they're scared to maybe admit that they feel this way.' 

And so, that's when I kind of just decided like, I have to be a voice for other moms who I know are really struggling but need the courage to do something about it; they just don't know where to start.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love that. I love that. I remember like when you were talking about your experience, I was like, oh, I totally had a similar experience. My oldest son is 15 now, and I remember having him; and it was like six days in the hospital. 

And I got my clothes back on and stood in front of the mirror, and it was the first time I could stand because I'd had a C-section. And I'm like looking in the mirror and I was like, 'Wait, what? Wait, my belly looks like it was when I came in. It doesn't look any smaller.' 

 

Catie McHardy: Yes. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And my mom was like, 'Oh yeah, no, that's like pretty normal – it's fine. You know? And I was like, 'But I can't leave this room. Like, if I leave this room, I'm still going to look like I'm nine months pregnant and everyone's going to think I'm pregnant.' I'm like, 'Why didn't anybody tell me this part?' 

 

Catie McHardy: Right. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: 'Why is this not spoken about?

 

Catie McHardy: Oh my gosh.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I was pretty lucky, in that, I had a mom who just never talked about body weight, like ever. Like, it just was never a thing. And my sisters – and I have three sisters – one time, we were talking about this because I just said like, 'It's never been that much of an issue for us – like, why do you think that is?' 

And we were both chatting about it, and my sister was like, 'I think it's like our mom just didn't-- She didn't talk about that.' She wasn't like, oh, I'm-- You know, and she had eight children, like eight, which is a lot. 

 

Catie McHardy: Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And she was pregnant more than eight times. I don't even remember how many times – 10, 11, maybe even 12 times – because she had several miscarriages. 

 

Catie McHardy: Wow. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: She was pregnant for like 20 years. I don't remember it being like, I don't remember her talking about how she wanted to be skinny or how she didn't like the way she looked or all of those things. 

So, even though it was still present in, like, culture, I didn't really get it from home. And so, I never-- Even though--  

 

Catie McHardy: That's amazing. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I think we all have some of that in the back of our head; it was never really big-- It wasn't a big voice for me, which I'm so grateful for. And now that I've done a lot more like body positivity research, I'm like, that really is huge. 

 

Catie McHardy: That’s huge.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: That alone, makes such a big difference. It still is hard even though that, like, after I had a baby, I'm like-- And then four babies, and I'm like, 'Oh my God, it looks so different', because I think we have this idealistic view because of filters and trimming, all the things and all the social media.

 

Catie McHardy: Well, the bounce-back culture – this pressure, this expectation that is put on moms to basically just go right back to life right after you have a baby. And then, you're like, 'Okay, but you can't go back to that.' Like, you are now a changed person, and now you have another person. 

Like, you physically can't go back to that. And like, when I was thinking about like, I wouldn't want to go back to that person – you know, constantly struggling. Like I look at my wedding pictures when I was the absolute skinniest. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yes. 

 

Catie McHardy: And like, you know, I think that was like the first time I had actually felt good about myself because I am a curvy person. I come from a line of curvy women; like, we're short and we're curvy. 

And so, when I got married, I was finally skinny. I didn't feel like this curvy person anymore. But I wasn't eating, I was working out two days a week, two times a day, three days a week; like, I was not healthy.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah, that is not healthy. Actually, it’s kind of molded into what we think is supposed to be amazing.

 

Catie McHardy: I was like, 'I'm getting married and I look so beautiful.' But then, we got pregnant really quickly, and I'm like, all of that work that I had done I felt was like now for nothing because I'm never going to look like that probably in a very long time because it was-- I'm like, 'My body's changed, I've had four kids.'

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And that shouldn’t be our ideal, right? 

 

Catie McHardy: Right. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Like, that it should be normal. Like it should be about health; and actually, physically being healthy--

 

Catie McHardy: Healthy out of here instead of like, here,

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Like what your body looks like. And even healthy on the inside because like, that doesn't even--   

 

Catie McHardy: Absolutely.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: It doesn't have anything to do with that, and I think--

 

Catie McHardy: I became obsessed. It was like this obsession of like, 'Okay, I'm getting married, I'm going to work so hard.' I never ate. I was also going to school. I was working a job and, like, it was crazy. But in my mind, I was like, 'I'm finally there.' Like, I had reached like whatever, like yes. Like, 'I have made it.'

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I reached the goal. Yeah.

 

How to love ourselves, no matter what

Catie McHardy: But then, life goes on though. Like, I don't feel like, you know, okay. Like, I love how I looked when I got married. I looked really, really beautiful. Like, but you know, that was almost eight years ago; and I've had four kids since then. 

And like, my husband I think loves me even more now than when we got married, which is really incredible. But it's still-- It's a daily battle. It's not something that I feel like we achieve a goal or whatever; and then, it's like, 'We're done – we've made it, we're here.'  

No, it is a-- You wake up, you look at yourself in the mirror, you talk to yourself in a certain way, you do things every single day; you have a choice. You have to choose every single day how you're going to talk to yourself, how you're going to show up – in what capacity you are going to fill that day. 

It is every day we have to choose it. And granted, some days are going to be hard, some days are going to suck; I think that's just life. We have bad days. We have things that happen, but we still have a choice to not stay in that space. 

We have a choice to, you know, how we handle it and how we move forward – and whether we let that like destroy us or like, you know, come from the fire and be stronger than what's going on. Like, we really do have a choice.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And pushing back against that, like that you have to look a certain way in order to be beautiful, because you look back on those photos; and you're like, 'Oh, I'm so beautiful – I looked so great,' but like, you are so beautiful now.

 

Catie McHardy: Right.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And we have to remind ourselves of that sometimes when our brain's off in the like, 'But look at all your stretch marks- look at how different shape you are now.' But like, that is beautiful too. 

 

Catie McHardy: It is. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I think that we focus so much on this one kind of beauty or what beauty looks like, or even just beauty, in general, that we're just like, 'We have to talk about this all the time.'

 

Catie McHardy: Well, I think it's amazing. I remember as a young girl-- I think the intention was good, but looking back, I'm like, 'That really kind of messed me up.' And so, the Victoria Secret models that are like, you see them all over, I was told like, 'Real women don't look like that.' That is what I was told as a little girl. Every time I saw someone who, she does look like that. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. That is true.

 

Catie McHardy: Like, she was-- I will never look like that. I am not six feet and, you know, a hundred pounds. I am five-foot-one and 200 pounds. But I feel like that was also hard because then I feel like that brought on so much judgment on myself and other people. 

Like, 'Oh, well she doesn't-- she doesn't look like that – but she also doesn't look like this.' Like, it created this weird like telescope of like, what we are supposed to look like. There was no just like, 'Why can't we just love-- Why can't we just love ourselves where we're at?' 

Embrace where we're at right now and love ourselves now – love ourselves then, love ourselves now; and, you know, continue to get to a place where like you are loving yourself in the moment. 

And I think, like, that's where-- That's where the real power comes in is that like, 'You can be in this moment, in this time, in this phase where you're at – and you can love it.' It's still going to be hard. 

It's not going to be sunshines and rainbows, but I can look in the mirror and be like, 'Hey, you know, this is great, I love this part of myself today – I'm grateful for this part of my body.' You know, like, whatever it may be, however you choose to talk to yourself – whether it's affirmations, whether it's, you know, whatever. It's daily. It's a daily thing.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah, it is because we have-- I talk about this a lot on my podcast, but we have this negativity bias in our brain, right? We have this negative little filter which is basically like the 'little mean girl'. We have a little mean girl in the back of our brain that's like, ‘You're not doing enough, you look weird, you said that weird, your house isn't great enough.' 

 

Catie McHardy: Right?

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Like, not even to do with our body, but like that and all the other things – like, all the things. 

 

Catie McHardy: Oh, absolutely. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And, it's like-- It can really yell really loudly sometimes. 

 

Catie McHardy: Absolutely. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, unless we’re consciously-- And it doesn't go away; that's the other thing. Like some people will be like, 'Oh, well, once you've done the work and self-help--' I think we sometimes mistakenly believe that, at some point, we'll get rid of this like human part of our brain that's always there and we’ll just like, love ourselves no matter.

 

Catie McHardy: That's primitive. It's always going to be there. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Always.

 

Catie McHardy: Like your body wants to-- Your brain wants to keep you safe. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yes. 

 

Catie McHardy: And that's what it's designed to do is keep us safe and keep us comfortable in those things that we've been trained and taught through generational--  

I truly, like I learned this on Clubhouse that there's so much generational trauma that I feel like whether it's good or bad, it's still trauma that I feel like now us as parents living in this time raising our children that we have to undo. That is my goal right now as a parent to; undo that, to break those generational highs and allow freedom, and just like--  

I don't know the other word, but just giving my children an opportunity to just be themselves, because I feel like I was put in a box – a very small box as a child; to look a certain way to say certain things, to do the right thing, to be the good girl, to do all… like, follow this list and you will succeed.

You will-- You will do-- You know, and I hate that. And I feel like finally breaking that mold as an adult where I'm like, 'I don't have to be in a box anymore, and I refuse to put my kids in a box.' 

If my son wants to wear a dress – sure thing, he can wear a dress. If my daughter wants to wear hot-pink from head-to-toe at school, she can wear-- You know? I want my kids to feel comfortable expressing who they are because the world can be just a very cruel place. 

And I want them to feel confident and comfortable in who they are because that's also empowering for them; that they can be like, 'Whatever, I know who I am, I'm comfortable in who I am as a child,' and then that can carry them into adulthood. And then, I feel like there's less coming back to like, 'Gosh, now I have to unlearn all of this stuff.'

 

The importance of modelling healthy body image to our daughters

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Undo all this stuff. I think that what you said is so key because it's like, it starts in the home. 

 

Catie McHardy: Absolutely.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Like if that's the relationship that we have in the home and we have that secure attachment where we're just like, 'We can be whoever we want to be and my mom will accept anything from me.' 

Like, 'Even if I throw tantrums, even if I don't act or behave the way that I'm supposed to all the time – even if I do things a little bit different and live my life different than she does, that she still loves me and accepts me.'

 

Catie McHardy: Absolutely.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And when we give them that container to be themselves, then that's really how we build the emotional intelligence that we want in our kids. 

And like you said, then we don't have to spend our whole adult life unlearning all of this and relearning all these things that we're doing now. So, I love that. And I love, especially when it comes to body positivity – and especially, when it comes to body positivity in girls, because it's just going to keep, it's just going to keep getting worse with all the filters and all the social media, trains, tv, all the things.

 

Catie McHardy: I could talk about it for days – and especially, my daughter is in therapy and not for any particular reason, but with her personality and who she is, I am learning that I feel like therapy for children, in general, is a really good idea. 

I was chatting with her therapist one day and she was just like, 'Little girls' brains are wired so differently.' She was like, 'They can pick up on the slightest thing that you might say or do, how you act.' 

She was like, 'Their brains are just so wired to pick on little things – and then they just, and then it snowballs.' She was like, 'We may not do it intentionally, but they are little sponges and they soak up everything,' which is why I try so hard to be this-- You know, we talk a certain way and we present ourselves in a certain way in our home because that's just so important to me. 

I want my daughter to just to know how beautiful she is inside and out. That like, how she looks does not matter; that should not qualify her for certain things that like-- You know, I think we use our bodies, you know, for so many different things. 

I want to take that out and be like, 'You're smart and you're creative and you're intelligent and you're funny – like, you have so many other characteristics to who you are, other than your body and all of those things… use your talents and gifts that you have to your benefit.' 

And I try so hard to speak that into my daughter, and to speak that into myself. Like it's important that what I am trying to talk my daughter into doing, that I am also doing that. Like, I am speaking those things to myself, and that I am that example for her – and that like, I am working on myself to be a better parent for her. Like you said--

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Sure, yeah. 

 

Catie McHardy: It is me. It is me that has to do the work for her because I want to be better. I want to be a better parent. I want to be a better role model. I want to be better for me because; one day, she's going to leave the house – one day she's going to have friends, you know, and go off and do all of those things. 

But I also want to be confident and know that I have done my very best. I have taught her the things that she needs to know and not constantly live in this state of fear or unsurety with my children, which right now is very present, I feel like.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Very present. I think what you said also is key in that pointing out the positive characteristics and the positive character traits that she has that don't have to do anything with her physical self. 

 

Catie McHardy: Absolutely.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I'm in the middle-- I'm halfway through this book. That's amazing. I don't know if you've already read it. More Than a Body, have you read that one yet? 

 

Catie McHardy: No. I going to write that down.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, so good. You're going to love it. It's going to be your new favorite book. I'm halfway through, and I'm like, 'This is blowing my mind, it's so good.' The subtitle or tagline is like, Your Body Is an Instrument, Not an Ornament

And so, it's all about how the world, in general, and culture is all like, you know, 'Our physical bodies matter – it matters what we look like all the time… and we have to be this way, and look that way, and act this way.' 

Anyways, it's basically what you were just talking about. I think that just the focusing less on that and focusing more on like, 'You are a beautiful person – and beauty means this, like, it means you're kind, and you're determined, that you're strong.'

 

Catie McHardy: When we work on ourselves inside, that comes outward. And like, I feel like that's what we crave – but we think of it as like an external thing. Like, 'Oh my gosh, you look beautiful, like, you've lost weight.' 

But I'm sure that person has also done so much internal work where you can see it on the outside as well. I think, like my daughter is in gymnastics right now; she's six-and-a half. 

You know, they've been talking about bones and muscles at school right now. Like she's very kind of fixated on like, 'This is where my spine is, this is where my muscles are.' And she's like, 'Look how strong I am,' and all of these things. 

And we've just been talking like, 'You're so strong because you're working really hard at gymnastics, you're practicing every single day, you're doing all of these things to help your body get strong.' 

Like, that's also the conversation too. Not like, 'Yeah, you're so strong – but you're working really hard, you're going to gymnastics and you're practicing at home; those are things that are making like your body strong… you're doing the work.' 

And I feel like that's also like, you know, another segue is like, 'You can't just talk the talk - you have to walk the walk too… you have to do-- you have to put action into place.' 

You have to do-- You can't just say the affirmations. You can't just stand in front of the mirror. Like, you have to actually do what you're going to say. You have to actually listen to the podcast, listen to the book, go to therapy, find a community, find people, do something for yourself. 

You have to actually put it into action or you're going to stay in the same place, and then you're just going to constantly be in this vicious cycle because you're choosing to stay comfortable and not get out of your comfort zone and to actually work, which is hard. It is. It's really hard. 

And I feel like, you know, a lot of us, especially being postpartum – you're, kind of, in this weird space and when you're looking at your body, every body is different. And everybody, everybody, every woman is going to respond to things in a different way. 

For me, like I love-- This is going to sound so weird, and this is not for everybody. I realize this is-- I'm probably an anomaly here, but I like to look at myself when I'm standing in my bra and underwear, I genuinely like to look at my body. 

I'll look at myself head to toe, and there are days where I might have more negative thoughts than others. But then again, I have to still stand there and just look at my body, and look at the things that I've done and look at what my body has accomplished. 

And even if it's just one thing that I can find that's positive, even if it's just one thing that I can think about for the rest of the day, that I feel like makes a huge difference. 

It's just like I have a friend, she and I had our babies around the same time. She has not looked at herself in the mirror since she's had had a baby without clothes on. And I feel like that's just been really hard for her because she's not there yet; and she has a very negative self-image, and it's so hard for me to talk to her because she's like, 'I'm just so fat.' And I'm like, 'Stop it.'

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: My fingers in your face until you stop saying that.

 

Catie McHardy: Come on!

 

The power of speaking truth to your body + standing naked in front of a mirror

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I think that when you said, I like-- One of the things that I teach, like the basic of it is like – think, feel, do; the way we think, creates how we feel and what we do. 

And so, if we don't believe the affirmations we're saying in the mirror, like, 'You're beautiful, you're amazing,' if we don't take do the work to actually believe that, then like we can say it until we're blue in the face and it won't change anything. 

 

Catie McHardy: Absolutely. 

 

Catie McHardy’s final tips

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I think it's really, like what you said, it's listening to the podcast, it's doing the work, it's journaling, it's going to therapy, it's doing what I call like 'the inner work' – like the inner healing, so that we actually do believe that.

(a) Standing in front of the mirror naked, and speaking positively about your body

I was going to ask you what one last tip is. I think your tip was awesome; like standing in front of the mirror naked and just like thinking-- I think even just noticing the negative thoughts that are there, and then also choosing other stories. I love Brené Brown, and she always talks about--

 

Catie McHardy: Brené Brown, I love her.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Right? Amazing. She's always talking about the stories we tell ourselves. So, I think of those as the thoughts on our minds. So, if I'm standing in front of the mirror naked, and I'm like looking and I'm like, 'It's terrible and I hate this and I hate that.' 

Like just notice those stories; and then also like, what other stories are true here? Like, 'My body's amazing and it's birthed four children or one child – or however many you've had.

 

Catie McHardy: Absolutely. Truths. Find actual truths about your body. I feel like affirmations are great and they can be generic, which is fine, but if you can write your own affirmations--  

And maybe 'affirmations' is a trigger word, but if you can write truths about your body and about yourselves because then your brain can't deny them because you know it's a truth. 

You have birthed four children, you can't not undo that; like, you have actually done that. And when you sit down and like think about it, you're like-- Like, I have the chills like, 'I have birthed four humans out my body, my body created four little human beings.' 

Like that's mind-blowing when you kind of sit down and think about it. Like, 'Oh my gosh, that's a huge truth for me that I have nursed four babies.' It's like when you sit down and think of like truths or when you can find affirmations that are very specific to you. 

Like, you are creative in a specific space or your smile, whatever – like you can get specific about certain things, then I feel like it makes it more empowering instead of just like, you are sunshine and rainbows. And you're like, 'Hey, whatever.'

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. What does that even mean? 

 

Catie McHardy: That, your brain is not going to believe; but if you can talk truths to yourself, that's great.

 

(b) Find/wear something that makes you feel amazing

And another tip I found, I bought right after I had my baby-- I bought the Spanx faux leather leggings. Like that was always like, I thought I would-- Every time I would see them, I was like, 'Those are so cool,' but I could never rock faux leather leggings. Like, I do not have the body for faux leather leggings. 

Like those go on like a size-2; someone who's tall and super cute, and who can like style them. But they went on like a Black Friday deal last year, and I was like, 'You know what, I'm just going to do it. I'm just going to buy the faux leather leggings. I'm like two months postpartum, who cares? Like, I'm just going to do it.' 

And so, I bought them, and I put them on and my husband was like, 'Oh, hey.' And I'm like, 'What? Seriously?' Every time I wear them, I get so many compliments Every time I wear my faux leather leggings, they are incredible. So, another tip is find--  

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Leather legging.

 

Catie McHardy: No, but find something in your closet that makes you feel amazing. Every time you put it on, it lights your soul on fire. Like whether it's this pair of jeans that you have that every time you wear, you're like, 'My butt looks amazing,' or you have a shirt or whatever it may be. 

And if you don't have one, maybe make that a goal, like not a diet or a body goal, but a goal for yourself that like, I am going to find a piece of clothing; and get specific, be like, 'I want a shirt, I want a jacket, I want a pair of pants, I want a boots, whatever – I want something that every time I put them on, you're just like, nothing's going to knock me down today.' 

And then I feel like if you don't have that, find some accessories. Find like a headband or earrings or a BOLD Lip or something that you can put on your body that is just going to make you feel better because it's amazing what your body does. Like when you are in something or when you are like-- When I put a BOLD Lip on, whether it's like a dark lip or a red lip, I'm like, 'Ha-ha, yes.' 

Like there's just something that, like for me, when I put on a Bold Lip and I've got like an awesome sweater, I'm like, 'Whoa, mommy is in a good mood today. Yes, you can have ice cream. Yes, we can do all of these things.' 

It's amazing just like what your body does, when you can just-- Like, your brain notices like, 'Oh, she's happy, she's confident, she feels really good' – your mood instantly changes. 

Like, I don't know the science, I'm not a scientist, but it's crazy just like the small switch that your brain makes when you are doing something for yourself that you know you are going to feel amazing in or that just makes you feel so good. 

So, find that; I just highly encourage everyone to just find something that just makes you feel so good inside. But it's on your body, not like a drink or something. But you're putting something on your body as often as possible because your mood just, is so good. It's so good.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love that tip, and I love your story about Faux leather leggings; that's amazing. And I do-- I can totally-- I can think of a few things that are totally like that for me where I'm just like, 'Yes, yes, I got this.' And I think it does, it just trips that little thing in your brain. So, thank you. Thank you for those tips.

 

Catie McHardy: Absolutely. Thank you.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love it. I love this whole conversation; and I think it's going to be so helpful for people that are just like how you felt and how your friend feels now – like really struggling after baby or maybe after several babies… maybe it's been a long time, and you're still struggling. 

It's like a conscious choice that we make every day. And I love what you said about speaking truth, like standing in front of the mirror and like, let's speak truth here and find your own affirmations. It doesn't have to be rainbows and daisies and sunshine and unicorns. It can be like, what's true to you and what feels good to you?

 

Catie McHardy: Absolutely.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love that. So, thank you, Catie. 

 

Catie McHardy: Absolutely. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Do you want to tell us how people can connect with you?

 

Catie McHardy: Yes, I am primarily on Instagram. So, just my name, Catie McHardy, is where you can find me. I also have an email list which you can also find on Instagram where you can connect with me as well. Where you can just get more nitty and gritty things from me. But come find me on Instagram. My DMs are always open. If you ever have questions, please feel free to message me.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love that. Okay. We will have that linked for you guys in the show notes; you can just scroll down and find her there. And thank you again for coming on today.

 

Catie McHardy: Thank you.


Crystal The Parenting Coach: I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Make sure that you give it Five Stars on Apple, and check out my monthly membership for moms in the show notes.

Cover image for the parenting personality quiz, 4 sketches of a mom doing a different activity with her child
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