The 5 Secrets You Didn't Know About Positive ParentingJan 02, 2021
1. It’s natural.
We all have natural positive parenting instincts. They're covered up by our impatience, stress, overwhelm and doubt in ourselves and our abilities. This can be due to burn-out, not caring for ourselves and not focussing on our own mental wellbeing (want help fixing that? click here).
It can also be a struggle for us because we aren’t used to dealing with “negative” emotions in healthy ways. Most of us were typically raised in an authoritarian-style home (explained here) and aren’t used to dealing with kids meltdowns, teens talking back and toddler tantrums in healthy ways.
Once you spend some time on your own emotional and mental wellbeing, up-level your relationship with you and clear away some of the negative beliefs you have about you… positive parenting will emerge naturally (get a free course on self-care here).
It’s like peeling back the layers of an onion… once you peel enough layers away, you’ll uncover your positive parenting superpower.
2. Negativity bias.
This is what naturally happens in our brain. Our brain is born wired for negativity. More often than not, it feeds us negative thoughts. We have to learn to hack it if we want to see major shifts in us and our kids.
If we walk around with a head full of negative thoughts, it’s going to be pretty difficult to parent in a positive way.
3. Self-care is key.
We think that “good moms” don’t spend much time or money on themselves, but become “mother martyrs” who pride themselves in giving and giving, without focusing on their own needs.
The opposite is actually true. Self-care is selfless, not selfish. When we listen to and attend to our own needs, we will be better able to care for others.
Learn how to up-level your self-care NOW, with this free mini-course.
4. Attachment doesn’t mean you spend every moment with them.
One phrase used in positive parenting is “attachment” or “attachment-based” parenting, which is what I teach and use in my own life.
When I say this, my clients often think that what I mean is co-sleeping until age 10, nursing kids until at least grade one, homeschooling forever, incessant baby-wearing, and never EVER leaving our child’s side.
That is NOT what you have to do, and that's not the meaning of attachment-based parenting. It focusses on secure attachment… so your child can go out into the world, and feel protected emotionally and physically by your love and care, even when (and especially if) they aren't with you. They’ll feel constantly safe and securely held in their relationship with you.
So sure, nurse, homeschool and baby-wear (in fact, I do all 3 for a long time!), but that’s not what attachment-style parenting is… it’s focusing on the relationship above all else.
It is done in the small and meaningful moments throughout the day... the soft-spoken word, gentle snuggles, regular hugs and speaking with your eyes and your heart more than through lectures and punishments.
5. The biggest benefit of positive parenting is “interpersonal synchronization”
This means that as we start to shift and change, others around us will too… including our children.
As they notice us responding differently, treating them with more love and care, focussing on them and our relationship, they will start to respond back in different ways as well.
So no. You don’t need an “expert” to tell you what to do. You know deep down.
As you focus on you and your needs, everything will improve.
You don’t need to spend 100% of your time with your child.
You can make huge shifts in little moments, and they will start to shift too.
Changes happen first within US, not them. <3