S02 E06 - Building a Growth Mindset

This is more than just a hot button word, it’s a new way of being. Growth mindset doesn’t happen overnight, but it can be fostered. Join me as we dig into what it is and how to shift it. Mindset is something we talk about allll of the time, as Life Coaches… but growth and fixed mindset are common terms to hear in schools, workplaces and everywhere else now. It’s easier to define and discuss these mindsets than it is to change them, but change is possible, tune in to figure out how.

What we cover in this episode:

• What a growth mindset is and how it varies from fixed mindset
• How we can determine to change our mindset and what we can do to change it over time
• What learning and unlearning happens so that we can role model this mindset for our kids

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Mindset Psychology by Carol Dweck book: Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

Episode Transcript

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hey, I'm Crystal, a certified life coach and mom of four. In this podcast, we combine radical connection and positive parenting theories with the How-To Life Coaching Tools and Mindset Work to completely transform our relationship with our children.

Join me on my journey, unleash your inner parenting expert, and become the mother you've always wanted to be. Make sure you subscribe wherever you listen to your podcast and rate this podcast on Apple, and check out my transformative monthly membership for moms in the show notes.

Episode 6, Building a Growth Mindset.

What a Growth Mindset is, and how it varies from Fixed Mindset

So, a couple of weeks ago, we talked all about Growth Mindset and the primitive brain, and the primitive brain's motivational triad, and also the Growth Mindset triad. 

So, the Growth Mindset triad is that our growth brain wants to seek growth, embrace discomfort, and expend massive amounts of energy wisely. 

Now, if you don't already know what a Growth Mindset is, I'm going to quote Carol Dweck, who coined this term and wrote the book Mindset: Psychology. 

Now, she says, "In a Growth Mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work; brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment." 

Now, alternatively, in a Fixed Mindset, people believe that they're born with talents and abilities, and can’t do anything to change or grow their abilities.

A Fixed Mindset would be thinking things like, 'I'm just not a math person' or 'I'm not creative', or 'I'll never be good at this'. So, those are kind of the differences between Growth and Fixed Mindset. 

Now, one of the most common stories that you'll hear everywhere is Michael Jordan's story. We now know of him as, you know, the greatest basketball player of all time – or at least, one of the greatest, depending on your opinion about that. 

And when he was in high school basketball, he tried out for kind of a higher-level team and he actually didn't make the team. So, he was still on a basketball team, but not on like the highest level of basketball. I don't know enough about basketball to go into more detail than that. But people often think that he's just born naturally with these talents and kind of like a superhero, right? 

That's what Carol Dweck says about, that we think about our heroes; we like to think of them as these natural, these superhuman characters, kind of, born with these natural abilities and talents. And they're kind of different than the rest of us. 

They're not unlike the same playing field as the rest of us, but the difference here really was, even though he did have some talent, he wasn't extraordinarily talented. He just decided not to make failure mean something about him. He went and practiced and tried and tried, and he tried so hard. 

So many people talk about how hard he tried and how many hours he practiced compared to everybody else, even once he had become amazing and great. Now, that is the epitome of a Growth Mindset. 

Now, another person that is talked about often is Thomas Edison and his quote is something along the lines of, you know, "I didn't fail a thousand times, I found a thousand ways to not create a light bulb." 

And that's just because of how he reframed his failure; he wasn't making it mean something about him. So, the difference here is that we-- When we're in a Fixed Mindset, make the failure mean something about us – that there's something wrong with us – instead of making the failure just mean that it's just part of the process.

Another part of Growth Mindset is the ability to understand that it's more about the process than it is about the outcome. We were reading about a mathematician recently. We love the book, Mathematicians are People, Too. It's a book that I highly suggest reading with your kids; it's so fun. 

But we were reading about this one mathematician. And he said that his main focus on teaching math to his students was to encourage them to understand that the most important part of math was in the solving of the problem, not the getting the solution – so, the process that you go through in order to solve the problem, so much more than the actual solution. 

So, even if you didn't come up with a solution in the end, or if your solution was wrong, it's the learning that happens during the process; and that is exactly what Growth Mindset is. 

Now, shame and fear of being vulnerable is what keeps us from having this Growth Mindset. Now, this fear of vulnerability comes from not wanting to kind of show people who we are, not really wanting to be that true nature that we have deep down inside of us, that true 'You-st' You. 

This is how I describe it to the students I was teaching. I said, you know, "Being vulnerable is being true to yourself, being the 'You-st' You; not being this mask – you know, this version of yourself that you think society wants, that culture wants, that your friends want, that everyone around you wants – but actually being you, which is a vulnerable thing to do, to be yourself. 

And so, that fear of failure and that fear of being vulnerable keeps us from really being able to step into this power of the Growth Mindset. All right, I'm going to share this Brené Brown quote with you because I love her; and whenever we talk about shame, we have to talk about her. 

So, she says, "Compassion is not a virtue, it is a commitment; it's not something we have or don't have, it's something that we choose to practice." Now, I would like to input some other things that I think fit in here that aren't just compassion. 

Growth Mindset is not a virtue; it's a commitment. It's not something we have or don't have; it's something we choose to practice. Self-compassion, self-love. There's so many things we could put in here, and then say, "It is not a virtue, it's a commitment. It's not something we have, or don't have, it's something we choose to practice." 

So, knowing that, knowing that these things are things that we have to practice, they don't just necessarily come naturally to us – they're not intrinsic abilities that we just are born with – we have to help them grow. 

Just like a tiny little seed – we give them some water, and we give them some sunlight, and we make sure that they have the conditions to grow; and that is exactly like what it is with us. We need to have the proper conditions to grow things like Growth Mindset; and we can see why it's so important, right? 

When I think about successful people like Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison and Michael Jordan, the difference between us and between them is that they don't make failure mean something about them. They just pick themselves back up and try again. They pick themselves up and try again. 

And not only do they try again, they also learn something from their failure; and realize that it is part of the journey and part of the process, right? With a Fixed Mindset, we're going to be thinking, making failure means something about us and stopping and not trying again. 

And then, of course, we don't make it. Of course, we don't get it, get out there and actually do the thing – and figure out how to do what it is that we want to do because we give up so early. 

Imagine if Thomas Edison decided after 10 fails that, you know, he made it mean something about him, he was like, 'Never mind, I'm a terrible scientist; I'm never going to be able to figure this out, it's too hard – I'm going to give up,' we might still not have electricity, who knows? Right? 

There's some things that-- There’s some technology and some innovation that have come specifically from failure, I would say all comes from failure. And so, embracing and harnessing that failure will really be key to helping us develop this Growth Mindset, and to living more intentionally. 

How to develop our Growth Mindset

So, I'm going to explain three little ways that we can help develop this Growth Mindset. 

1. Determine what’s important to you and the values that you want to grow

Number #1 is take some time just to determine what's important to you; what values it is that you want to have and that you want to grow. So, just like I said about compassion, you know, not just being a virtue that we're just intrinsically born with, what are some values that are important to you? 

For me, it's self-love, self-compassion – love and compassion for others – which I think grows out of self-love and self-compassion – Growth Mindset, wisdom. There's a lot of things there that I can think of when I determine what values are important to me. 

And then, how could you work on those daily? What could you do? What commitment could you make to yourself to work on those daily? Don't try to work on everything all at once, because when we do that, then we don't actually have as much effective growth because we get overwhelmed. 

So, just pick one of those values that you then wrote down and figure out, what can I do to work on this value right now? If you're not sure, go back to your 2.0 space. I know I talk about this a lot, but go to your future 2.0 self, 'How are they thinking? How are they feeling?' 

I want you just to think about that and then think about, what did they do to get there? So, they probably have these virtues, and have worked on them for a while; and they might be able to have some wisdom for us. 

So, how do we feel like they were able to get there? What made them access that? What little tiny steps do they take along the way, and what advice do they have to give to us about what we could do? 

It sounds kind of like a weird experiment to do this, but it works every time for me. Every time I'm able to really harness and think about that 2.0 and harness that visualization there and how she's thinking and how she's feeling – she always has some interesting advice to give to me. 

And so, just write down some virtues – go to your future self – figure out what step is next for you, and what you could do to kind of work on that new value or that old value daily to kind of create more strength in it. 

2. Neuroplasticity, and how it helps our brain to grow

Number #2, Neuroplasticity, and how it helps our brain grow. So, you might have already heard about neuroplasticity. It's basically, the ability that our brain does have to grow. 

So, we used to think that our brain was kind of stagnant and didn't change; but now we know that our brain is actually quite neuroplastic, and can do some pretty amazing things. 

And this can even go into meaning things like it can, you know, heal itself from trauma and injury. And obviously, to an extent, it can't just do everything. But there's a lot of amazing things that we've been able to learn when we learn about neuroplasticity. 

So, neuroplasticity is an amazing thing to kind of learn about, and to think about, and to try and grow. So, just like we were talking about that little seed – we were talking about how that little seed is planted, and we're giving it the right conditions to grow – we can do that with neuroplasticity as well.

Ways to develop a more neuroplastic brain

So, there's some things that help us develop a more neuroplastic brain so that our brain will be able to wire and, you know, change neural pathways, and just be able to grow and have a better Growth Mindset. 

So, I did a little bit of research online and kind of just asked the internet, what can we do to make our brain more neuroplastic? And I read through several articles and several studies and watched some video clips, and I kind of narrowed them down to nine different categories that are kind of connected – kind of connected to each other, I mean.

(a) Eating healthy foods

Number #1 is eating healthy foods. So, eating foods that fuel you and help your body in your brain. 

(b) Getting plenty of rest

Number #2 is getting plenty of rest – so, making sure that you're getting a lot of sleep. And the amount of sleep that you need – especially as a child and as a teenager – is quite a bit. 

So, you can even Google that and just say, what's the optimal amount of sleep, and see what is best for you and your age? 

(c) Decrease the amount of time spent on screens

Not a large amount of time spent on screens. So, having a ton of time spent on screens is going to decrease your brain's ability to be more neuroplastic. 

(d) Trying new things

Trying new things; learning instruments, new languages, reading art, all of that – just anything that's 'trying new things' and anything that especially is musical language-related, reading, art, creative. 

(e) Having an educationally-rich environment

Next is having an educationally-rich environment. So, having your home be a space that is an environment of love, of learning.

(f) Healthy and connected relationships with friends and family 

(g) Spending time outdoors 

(h) Plenty of time playing 

So, open amounts of time playing, which obviously, relates more to kids than it does to us. But playing for me, might just be something like going on a walk or creating something or thinking, drawing, doodling. 

There's a lot of ways that we can still play even as adults. 

So, those are some ways that we can help develop our brain's ability to be neuroplastic so that our brain can grow. I don't even know if neuroplastic is a word, it might just be neuroplasticity, but anyways, it's amazing. Our brain is amazing. 

I have been working with some teens recently on this whole idea of neuroplasticity and Growth Mindset, and it's been so interesting to hear from them. 

What I had them do was I had them write down those nine things, those nine categories. And then I asked them, you know, to kind of rank themselves in each area, where do I think I'm doing good? Where do I think I could kind of work? 

And each of them knew. Like they sat down and they knew; they were like, spend too much time on screens was a common one. Don't get enough rest was another common one. And another one was not going outside. 

I mean, this time it was like fairly cold when I was teaching this class to them, so they weren't spending a ton of time outdoors. So, then I just asked them to choose one thing this week. 

I was like just one tiny little thing; if it's just like going outside a little bit more, if it's spending just a little bit less time on screens, if it's going to bed just a little bit earlier because it's those really small and simple changes that will make the biggest difference over time. 

So, I would suggest the same to you; pick one of those nine areas, and then just focus on some small, simple change you can make over the next week or two. All right. 

3. Reframing failure

The third is reframing failure. So, what do we make failure mean about us right now? So, oftentimes, we make failure mean that; we're dumb, we should stop, we can't figure this out, it's too hard. 

That's kind of like having that one single view or single story about it, about it, but what else could be true? Maybe failure is normal, maybe mistakes are part of the journey, maybe this is supposed to happen, maybe this is the way to growth, maybe this is the path and I'm on it. 

So, I just want you to take a few minutes and kind of write down, what do you make failure mean about you now? You could even think about a specific failure. And then I want you to also alternatively, look on the other side of it, 'Okay, what could failure actually mean? What do I make failure mean about other people? What do I make failure mean about famous people in history who have been successful? What does failure mean for them?' 

What learning and unlearning happens so that we can role model this mindset for our kids

So, all of this unlearning and learning that we are doing ourselves to build this Growth Mindset is needed and necessary to start with us first in order to be able to teach our kids a different way of being. As we do this, we'll be better prepared to instill a Growth Mindset in our own children. 

And so, people often come to me and they're like, 'Help my kid, I want them to be more Growth Mindset.' And so, I always ask them first, 'Okay, well, how are you doing in this area?' Because like always, teaching is going to be the best way to learn; and the best teaching is always by example and role modeling the behavior.

So, if you want your children to have this amazing Growth Mindset superpower, starting on you first is a great way to do it. If you want help with that, check out my monthly membership for moms. 

And if you want something for your teens, I do have a digital course called Your Superpower Brain. I will have it linked in the show note, so you can go check it out. Have a great week.

I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Make sure that you give it Five Stars on Apple, and check out my monthly membership for moms in the show notes.