S02 E15 - My 8 Fave Parenting Resources
Aug 23, 2021
I am SUCH a resource person, so I’m using this last episode in Season 2 to share some of my fave resources. See below for direct links to all the amazing-ness and be sure to check out my course! I truly believe that we are all our own parenting experts. That once we can unpack years of baggage and stuck thoughts, that we can step into that unique power that each of us has… and that the core of that power is connection. It took me years to learn about, incorporate and allow this transformation to happen, and to keep happening… and there were several resources that helped me along my path. Today I am sharing the best ones with you.
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I would be honored to be your coach and help you get the changes you want to see in your life. I have come so far, completely turned around my life and my relationships with my children, I know what it takes and how to make it happen. You can use the links below to get more of my content and learn about my monthly program By Design, where I provide monthly training and live coaching to help you build radical connection in your life.
Links I share in this episode:
Link to membership: By Design
Find me on the ‘gram: The.Parenting.Coach
My website: coachcrystal.ca
Get my free parenting course here: Free Parenting Course
Other favorite resources:
Dr Deborah MacNamara - Rest Play Grow and The Sorry Plane
Dr Gordon Neufeld - Hold On to Your Kids
Anna Llenas - The Color Monster
Cosmic Kids Yoga Youtube Channel
Episode Transcript
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hey, I'm Crystal, a certified life coach and mom of four. In this podcast, we combine radical connection and positive parenting theories with the How-To Life Coaching Tools and Mindset Work to completely transform our relationship with our children.
Join me on my journey, unleash your inner parenting expert, and become the mother you've always wanted to be. Make sure you subscribe wherever you listen to your podcast and rate this podcast on Apple, and check out my transformative monthly membership for moms in the show notes.
Episode 15, My 8 Fave Parenting Resources.
Okay, so I wanted to end this season by sharing all of the resources that I love. There's so many more than I can even share on here, but I'm just going to tell you some of the top ones that have really helped.
Now, again, I want to preface this with saying that we can use all of this amazing information to help us grow and learn and help our connection with our children, or we can use it against ourselves and read an entire book and think, 'I ruined my child, I'm a terrible mom and I'm never going to change.'
So, if you're going to do that, don't use any of these resources and work on you and your relationship with you first. But if you feel like you're in a good space and you're actually interested in learning more, go through and connect with these resources.
And like I always say, you are already the parent expert; you already know deep down what to do. This type of parenting does come naturally when we do our own inner healing. If you haven't already checked out my monthly program for moms, it's called By Design; make sure that you check that out.
I'm sure it'll be linked in the show notes because that's what we do there. We do that inner emotion mindset healing work, so that we can show up in the way that we want for our children.
My 8 Favorite Parenting Resources
So, without further ado, My 8 Fave Parenting Resources.
1. My own course, Radical Connection Parenting
So, number #1, I have to give a plug for my own course. So, I have a course called Radical Connection Parenting; it's totally free. I have a paid course called Transform Your Parenting, but my free version is called Radical Connection Parenting; and it's awesome.
And in there, I talk about doing thought dumps, which we've talked about in the past; you might have heard that podcast episode. And we also talk about connection; and kind of the problems with connection, and how we can help heal that relationship with our children.
What's great about that course is that there's loads of lists, and I'm such a list-person; I don't know if you are, but I totally am. So, there is booklists for kids; so, books that you can read with your children to help develop these skills in them that we're trying to teach them.
There's booklists for parents. There's different ideas and ways to connect with your children. So, there's loads of stuff involved in that course. So, make sure you go and check that out. And that is number #1, Radical Connection Parenting.
2. Kids' books
Number #2 is kids' books. So, I'm going to give you a couple of my favorite kids' books.
a) No Biggy!
One is No Biggy!. I love this one because it kind of teaches that idea of growth mindset; and like the mistakes and failures are okay, but it also teaches the idea of like, we don't have to totally freak out anytime that a failure does happen or a mistake does happen – that we can manage our emotions in that moment.
b) The Color Monster
I also really love The Color Monster. Now, Color Monster is like this little monster, and he goes through all these different colors; and the colors are emotions, and that's been really helpful for my children who are too young to kind of identify with names for their emotions.
They like to have colors for them, especially when they're angry, they can just give me a color. And it's interesting that this just happened; I didn't tell them like, "What color are you?" But they'd be like, "I'm so red right now." Or just, red, like just say the word, 'red'.
c) The Sorry Plane by Deborah MacNamara
Another one that I had mentioned in the last podcast episode is called The Sorry Plane by Deborah MacNamara; that one is also really great. So, go check those out; No Biggy!, Color Monster, The Sorry Plane. So many more, and you will find more in number #1, in Radical Connection Parenting. There is a list there of kids' books.
3. Reading fairytales, myths, fables to your kids
So, resource number #3 is Fairy Tales; reading fairytales to your kids. This might seem kind of like an unusual resource, and this isn't like a, you know, parent-based, 'Read this and you'll learn more about connection-based parenting,' but I put this in as a resource because it's something that has been really helpful.
Kids when they're younger; don't learn so well from lectures, don't learn so well from, you know, sitting down and telling them what to do or what you think they should be doing - they learn a lot more from indirect learning.
So, learning through us; us role modeling that behavior, like I talk about all the time. But also, through indirect things like role playing or just playing, in general, and then things like Fairy Tales.
So, reading Fairy Tales, fables, those kinds of things to your kids, then not only is that great for connection time – sitting and reading aloud – but also the morals and the themes that are going to be taught there.
Good and bad and right and wrong; all those things that we're trying to teach our children, they actually can learn through those. I remember reading, we love to read Fairy Tales from Around the World and Myths and Mythology, and we were reading about Anansi the Spider.
And it taught about how he was really greedy and all the different ways that he was greedy, and how to be a better friend and whatnot. And it taught it in such an indirect way. Like it was so obvious what it was teaching, but I didn't have to sit down and say, "Now what is this teaching?"
We have had some really great discussions actually after reading those amazing books. But even when we don't talk about it, they're still learning those key principles that we hope that they learn.
So, number #3 is definitely reading Fairy Tales, myths, all of those things – fables, whatever all the names of those are – to your children.
4. Cosmic Kids Yoga
Number #3 this is more of a CHILD-1, but Cosmic Kids Yoga for yoga affirmations and meditations. I'm sure there's more out there that's amazing, but this is one that my daughter really loves.
So, she talks about visualizations and meditations; and she'll give affirmations, and she has a great way that she does yoga with kids. So, my family members all love this. Everyone I know loves Cosmic Kids Yoga. So, if you don't, aren't already a lover of Cosmic Kids Yoga, go check it out on YouTube.
5. Dr. Susan Pollak’s audio, Meditation
Number #4, Dr. Susan Pollak’s audio, Meditation. So, I added this in here because I'm going to give you a lot of book suggestions, but I think that it's not just books that are helpful; there's so many other things that are helpful.
And so, she has these audio meditations on; self-compassion, on parenting, on loneliness – on all of these great topics. And most of them are very quick and short, and ones that you can just do easily.
And it really helps us visualize and gain clarity around who we want to be; and I feel a little bit closer. I feel a little bit closer to that goal that I want to have of being unconditionally loving and kind, and I can just feel that in that moment; and it kind of just relaxes and relieves me, and it helps to fill me up so that I can parent in the way that I want to, just a little bit better.
So, that's Dr. Susan Pollak’s audio meditations.
6. Dr Deborah MacNamara’s books, Rest Play Grow and The Sorry Plane
The next one I want to talk about is Dr. Deborah MacNamara. Now, if you've ever heard me talk about parenting, I talk about her book, Rest Play Grow, all the time’ and I call it the Parenting Bible.
I think it's so great, and I think that's the number #1 book that I would tell people to read when they're learning about connection-based parenting, if you're interested in the book.
But also, her website. So, if you go into her website, she has all of these great infographics. So, some of them are on daytime separation, bedtime separation, what to do about worry with kids at different ages – play, sensitivity, sensitive children, all of those things. And it's really, really helpful.
So, if you don't have time to go through and read an entire book, then go and check out the infographics on her website, and go through that. What I loved about her book--
What I loved about her book
I'm just going to pick out a couple things that I remember really liking. It's been a little while since I've read it, but I try to reread it regularly. I just don't have it right now because I always lend it out.
i) She talks about the 'orchid' child
So, #1, is she talks about sensitive children – sometimes they're called Orchid Children – and just the perspective that she gives on these children that they aren't developing emotionally at the same stage that maybe their peers are.
And so, often, we feel like, they should be farther ahead or they shouldn't be this way when they're this age and this isn't okay.
But just understanding what's actually going on in their brains and that as we can develop that compassion and that space for them and just love them through it, that they will turn out to be just compassionate and caring and wonderful little people, which has definitely been my experience.
So, I loved just the way that she describes it.
ii) She talks about the developmental and emotional phases that our kids go through
She also talks about the developmental and emotional phases that our kids, kind of, naturally moved through. And I remember listening to this, reading this, I guess, and thinking, 'This is so interesting because I can see people in my life that kind of got stuck in those different phases, that maybe didn't move through those developmental stages.'
So, that's why it's called Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One). And, it's kind of funny. It's a kind of bit of humor, but it is also so true that there's different stages of development and emotion that we go through when we have that right connection with an adult in our life.
So, that whole idea was just really fascinating to me.
iii) I loved her practical stories
I really loved her practical stories. I loved reading the philosophy and theories and ideas, but having her actually say, "This is how this works and this is a story that somebody told me one time, and this is how they described it," really helped me to understand and to gain perspective around it.
I remember specifically, her talking about anger; and I think the story was she was maybe sitting around in a circle at a parenting group or something, and everybody was so worried about their children and how their children were going to turn out to be these crazy people because of things that they had said or done.
And I remember feeling exactly the same way, like, 'There's a chance my child's going to end up in prison or maybe be a serial killer because of all these crazy things that they've done.' And she was just like, 'This is normal,' that the way that they're describing, this is normal.
They just explain it in the biggest way possible because they're feeling this huge emotion, and they don't know how else to explain it. So, I loved the way that she talked about that.
iv) She talks about anger and aggression and tantrums
I also heard her recently, talking about anger and aggression and tantrums; and that was really helpful.
v) She talks about play
And I also love when she talks about play. So, she talks a lot about play, obviously, in Rest Play Grow, and what it does for us; and it does so much more than just bring us enjoyment.
And so, you can go check out her infographic where she talks about all the benefits of play, but I heard her speak at a Positive Parenting conference a while ago; and one of the things that she was asked was like, you know, "If there's anything you'd change or add to your book, or what would you do next?"
And she said, "I would call it Play, and I would talk about play the whole time because it really is so beneficial." So, I loved that. I love-- I love learning from her whenever I can. All right.
7. Instagrammers that I follow
The next one is, number #6 is I'm going to give you a few different Instagram people that I follow that I really enjoy; and I love the way that they describe things, and explain things. And so, I love following them.
A. @drbeckyathome
One is @drbeckyathome. I love her IGTV videos; I feel like they're really helpful. She explains things in a way that's really easy to understand, especially for younger children.
B. Our Mama Village and Big Little Feelings
And then, also Our Mama Village and Big Little Feelings. Those are both more geared towards younger kids, I feel; that's kind of the vibe that they give off, is they’re a little bit more 'toddler-age' kids.
They're really, really helpful as well. And I love their posts, and love their cute little Reels that they do as well. So, I would check out those, and I will have those in the show notes as well. Okay.
Number #7 is-- I feel like I did two number #3s. I did do two number #3s. I'm sorry. Okay.
8. Dr. Gordon Neufeld
We're actually on number #8. Number #8 is Dr. Gordon Neufeld. Now, as you know, he's the first person that got me into attachment-based parenting or connection-based parenting.
And I loved his book, Hold On to Your Kids; and I would highly suggest it. So, I'm going to talk to you about a couple things that I love about it. But first, I want to talk about his website.
So, if you go onto the website, Neufeld Institute, you can actually take parenting courses. He has some stuff that they post up there for free and some paid courses that are great; I've taken a lot of his paid courses as well.
If you go on there-- I'm not sure if they'll still have this when this airs because I'm recording this before this podcast episode is going to air. But if you go on there and click on Pandemic Resources, there's lots of amazing content there for free.
I went to the Tears and Tantrums: Making Sense of Frustration and Aggression in Kids in February; and it was awesome. And so, I'm sure all of the other ones are probably just as great, and they just have so many helpful things there that are free.
You can also head over to Resources; they have children's books, free resources. So, it's a really great website to know about.
I'm going to mention a few things that I really loved about his book, Hold On to Your Kids;
a) Becoming the center of our child's universe
One was Becoming our Child's sun-- So, becoming the center of our child's universe, and having them feel that connection and that attachment to us so that we can shield their heart.
So, what this means is that they can go out in the world and that things will stress them out and be frustrated and fill them with worry – but because we're shielding their heart, it won't sting so much.
It'll take a little bit of that protection and give it to them so that they can feel like they're safe in our care. That even if there's, you know, bullies at school and difficult things that are happening, that they still feel like they can rest in the care of us.
b) Peer-oriented attachment, and that this is how our children are naturally being orientated
I also like when he talks about peer-oriented attachment, and that this is how our children are naturally being 'orientated', if that's a word now; and it's to their peers.
So, they're looking at them for belonging, and looking at them for sameness and how they should act and whether or not they're being accepted – instead of upwards, towards their parents. And so, that this actually needs to be something that we're consistently working at to have this attachment with our child.
c) Being generous with your Yeses, and firm with your Nos
And lastly, I love when he talks about being generous with your Yeses, and firm with your Nos. The one reason I love this is because we often say, no, right? Our kids like, 'Can I do this, can I do this? Do I have time to do this?' You know, all of the things that we're just so used to saying, no, that they hear, no, so frequently.
And so, I love this idea of being generous with our Yeses. Say, yes, whenever you can. And even with rules, right? We don't need to have rules about every single thing in our home; that's just going to give them a lot of rules to then break, and maybe feel bad about or get frustrated about, and increase contention there.
So instead, being generous with as many Yeses as you feel like you can. And then on the flip side, is when I start talking to my clients about this, they'll often say things like, "Well, that means I just have to let them do whatever they want, and they walk all over me, and it's permissive," which it's not because firm with, no, means boundary, right?
That's a boundary that we're setting and being firm with that boundary because we're not going to feel like they're walking all over us, if we have a firm boundary that we've set and we've been clear about. So, I love that idea as well.
A Review of My 8 Fave Parenting Resources
And so, in review, my course, Radical Connection, kids' books on emotional intelligence and emotions - in general – Fairy Tales for kids, Cosmic Kids Yoga, Dr. Susan Pollak’s audio Meditations, Dr. Deborah MacNamara’s website and her book Rest Play Grow – Instagrammers @drbeckyathome, Our Mama Village, Big Little Feelings. And lastly, Dr. Neufeld’s Parenting course and his book, Hold On to Your Kids.
Those are all some of my favorite resources. As I said, there's so many more that I could list here, people that I love to follow that I missed, like Dr. Tina Payne Bryson and Dr. Kim John Payne.
And, and I love-- I love so many of them and they're also helpful, but in the end, it boils down to you being your own parenting expert. You can be that; you can step into that power, you can have that for yourself – I truly believe that.
And if you want somebody to help you, to guide you along that journey, who's been through that journey before and has some tools that can help you along, then feel free to reach out and definitely check out my course called By Design. Check out my free course, Radical Connection. Check out my paid course, Transform Your Parenting; and meet with me and see what we can do together.
I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Make sure that you give it Five Stars on Apple, and check out my monthly membership for moms in the show notes.
