S05|12 - Emotions and Emotional Intelligence with Stephanie Pinto

Stephanie Pinto is an Emotional Intelligence coach who specializes in helping parents to create an Emotionally Intelligent family culture at home. She is a certified Emotional Intelligence specialist, is a trained paediatric anxiety therapist, and practiced as a Speech Pathologist for 10 years. She supports parents in learning how to manage their emotions, frustrations and stress so that they are happier, calmer and connect more deeply with their kids. Stephanie also helps parents to raise emotionally intelligent kids, who are self-aware and manage their emotions and behaviour.

In our conversation today:

• What emotional intelligence is and how we can teach it to our kids
• What emotionally intelligent parenting looks like
• The societal conditioning we have that tells us we must fit into “boxes” and how that affects our EQ and our parenting
• Learning to lean into the discomfort of our kids’ big emotions and not shy away from them 
• Beliefs from childhood that we carry around with us and interfere with our ability to parent in the way we want to
• How “good enough” parenting is always the goal, not perfection

Connect with Stephanie here:

Facebook
Facebook Group
Website
Instagram
Youtube

---

Coaching has changed my own life, and the lives of my clients. More connection, more healing, more harmony and peace in our most important relationships. It increases confidence in any parenting challenges and helps you be the guide to teach your children the family values that are important to you- in clear ways. If you feel called to integrate this work in a deeper way and become a parenting expert, that’s what I’m here for.

My coaching program: click here
Find me on the ‘gram: @the.parenting.coach
Work with me 1:1: click here
Website: click here

 

 

Episode Transcript

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hi, I'm Crystal The Parenting Coach. Parenting is the thing that some of us just expected to know how to do. It's not like other areas of your life where you go to school to be taught, get on the job training, or have mentors to help you learn. Now, you can get that help here.

I believe that your relationship with your children is one of the most important aspects of your life, and the best way that you can make a positive impact on the world and on the future. I've made parental relationships my life study, and use life coaching tools with connection-based parenting to build amazing relationships between parents and their children. 

If you want an even better relationship with your child, this podcast will help you. Take my Parenting Quiz, the link is in the show notes. Once we know what your parenting style is, I'll give you some tips tailored to you and a roadmap to help you get the most out of my podcast. I invite you to help me spread the word by sharing your favorite episode on social media or with a friend. 

 

Welcome to the podcast today, Emotions and Emotional Intelligence.

Stephanie Pinto is an Emotional Intelligence coach who specializes in helping parents to create an Emotionally Intelligent family culture at home. She is a certified Emotional Intelligence specialist, is a trained paediatric anxiety therapist, and practiced as a Speech Pathologist for 10 years.

She's the Child Behavior Specialist for Australia's Nurture Parenting Magazine. She's also been featured on international parenting summits including Health Wealth Wisdom parenting conference, FamSummit, and Calming the ADHD Chaos Conference.

She supports parents in learning how to manage their emotions, frustrations and stress so that they are happier, calmer and connect more deeply with their kids. Stephanie also helps parents to raise emotionally intelligent kids, who are self-aware and manage their own emotions and behaviour. 

 

Hi Stephanie. Welcome to the podcast.

 

Stephanie Pinto: Hi. Thank you so much for having me.

 

What Stephanie Pinto does, and how she got started on Emotional Intelligence Coaching

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. So, I'm excited to chat with you today and to bring this conversation to my audience because I love talking to other people that do the same things that I do – all of this parenting coaching stuff. 

But especially, that your focus is on Emotional Intelligence, because that's something that I teach and I also have a lot of people ask about, like, 'How do I teach this to my kids?' And like, 'What does this mean?' And all those things. 

So, I'm excited to dig into all of that today. But before we do, if you could just share with our listeners a little bit about you, where you're from, what you do, and how you kind of got into doing this in the first place.

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yes. I would love to. So, I've got two little kids of my own. Well, they're not super little, but they're not--they're not teenagers yet. So, they're five and eight – a girl and a boy – and my husband. And we live in Sydney, in Australia. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Awesome.

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yeah, so I also-- I kind of love, you know, helping parents understand what Emotional Intelligence is and how it relates to themselves as parents in our parenting role, which you will know can be super stressful and challenging. 

But also with our kids, like how we can start giving our kids these skills so that they're not, you know, getting to their sometimes thirties and forties in the workplace, and then they're learning about Emotional Intelligence. 

And that's kind of where I discovered it – in my thirties – when, you know, it was coming up at work in my previous role as a speech pathologist; and I was kind of captivated by it.

And I knew that a lot of families that I was seeing were struggling with their kids' big emotions and challenging behaviors. And so, I thought, 'Oh, why aren't we doing this for the kids, like with our kids now when they're young at home and in school?' 

So that we're not waiting to those, sort of, later years and, you know, you'll know, just brings that calm back to the family and back to the home when you understand what's going on underneath kids' behavior and our own. So yeah, I love it.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love it too. It's a totally different paradigm around parenting when you are looking inwards at what's happening with your brain, with your emotions which really is what Emotional Intelligence is all about, right? 

And then, also knowing that and understanding that for our kids too is so huge; and it can make parenting so much more simple than when we are just parenting unintentionally, don't really know…you know, kind of just reactively, I guess. Like instead of intentionally responding to what's going on. 

So, I love that and I love how you got into it. Speech pathology sounds fascinating too. 

And then you also do like anxiety therapy or something. Tell me more about that.

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yeah, so that's the other big chunk of what I do; and maybe it's not a surprise that I do that because as a child and as a teenager and into my twenties, I had anxiety. 

And I guess you would kind of call it high-functioning because I was doing well at school and I had a great group of friends, and all the things like that…but in particular situations where I was really stressed, really nervous, really anxious or overwhelmed, then my fight-or-flight-or-freeze response would literally be to faint. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Wow. 

 

Stephanie Pinto: And so, I got the heart racing and everything, but I was, in a way, so emotionally unintelligent that I didn't recognize the signs; I didn't have the awareness of those feelings in my body. Maybe at one time I did and I shoved them down because I learned to be a good girl…and to be nice and polite, and not to be loud and frustrated and angry and--

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Getting small.

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yeah. So, it kind of developed into this, you know, if I'm not anything other than calm and happy and I've got this, then yeah, I just didn't, I couldn't handle it. And I would faint, and I had all these tests and everything was physically fine.

And only until my thirties when I learned about Emotional Intelligence and I got trained in it and did my certification. And then I think also like a little bit after that, I discovered, you know, different courses around helping kids with anxiety because I'm not a psychologist, but I knew that that was a massive struggle for families as well, especially the last couple of years. 

And so, I thought, what better kind of combination, I guess, to help kids who are anxious and sensitive and has those challenges – but also the parents who are struggling with kids with challenging behaviors and things like that?

 

The societal conditioning we have that tells us we must fit into “boxes” and how that affects our EQ and our parenting

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. I think that that combination is amazing. And I think anxiety's definitely gone through the roof. It already was before, you know, before COVID happened. But I want to touch on one thing that you said too. 

I remember reading Glennon Doyle's Untamed, and she was talking about just the different boxes that society puts us in. Right? And as women, we were often put in this like box of like quiet and small and polite and pretty and like, you know, all the things. 

And it didn't really occur to me, like I've heard that before, but it didn't occur to me that we also put males in boxes too. We're just like, 'Well, they should also be strong and like never show emotion, and like – I don't know – just like never cry, and never be sensitive.' 

And then how restricting this can be and also how polar opposite of Emotional Intelligence that is. Right? It's like literally not being who you are and pushing away who you are, and pushing away your emotions to be this random paradigm that, somehow, we've created society to feel like it's okay. I don't know. It's so bizarre.

 

Stephanie Pinto: Oh my god. Because we're on a podcast, people can't see my facial expression, but as soon as you mention Untamed, I went, because I'm like this far off – I know I'm really late to the game – finishing her book. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yes. 

 

Stephanie Pinto: And game changer because so much of it I was going, "Yeah, I learned not to have certain emotions…I learned that these emotions were okay, you know, joy, excitement, happiness, and things like that – but not frustration, anger, rage definitely." You know?

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Even like sadness, disappointment.

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yeah. Sadness, disappointment, and anxiety. And the thing is, our parents didn't teach us this explicitly sometimes. Sometimes we did hear, "Boys don't cry"…you know, sometimes we do hear that. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. 

 

Learning to lean into the discomfort of our kids’ big emotions and not shy away from them

Stephanie Pinto: Other times, like with my parents, they are English, so they're very polite and proper and conservative, and they never said, "You need to be a good girl, and don't make any noise, and you shouldn't be angry." But man, I learned those lessons through experiences and interactions and stuff. So, that really--

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: We all did. Right? Like when you decide like, you know, your child has a really big emotion and you're like, 'Ah, I can't handle this,' and you're uncomfortable, it's because you're uncomfortable with your own heavy emotions. Because we weren't taught that. 

We were often spanked or grounded or yelled at or pushed away or ignored or whatever when we were feeling a big emotion. So, like you said, even if our parents didn't actually verbally teach us that, that was the subconscious feedback that we were getting. 

And it wasn't just our parents; it was their parents and it was their parents, and it was also media. I love to read my kids' books. We read together all the time. And oftentimes, we read books from like anywhere in the 1900s to like 2000. And when I'm reading books, it's so fascinating to see that they were even getting it in books, right? 

Little House on the Prairie, if you remember; I totally read those to my kids and it's like, 'It's not okay to cry' or like 'Only girls cry' or 'You can't be loud', like, oh, you have to go to the other room and like just be quiet and still, because now it's like the adults doing their thing. 

Like there are so many little bits in there that I was just like, oh wait, like I actually had to pause the book and point it out to my kids and say, "What do you think about this?" 

Like, "What do you think is actually happening here? And how they're treating their kids and how the kids are treating the adults and what they're saying about, you know, different roles that we play, and what do you actually think is true?" And have conversations like that. 

Because I was like, I can't keep reading this book and like just perpetuating all of this stuff that I don't adhere to anymore. Anyway, so, all of this is--

 

Stephanie Pinto: I bet-- I bet your kids were like, 'Oh no, that's complete garbage.' 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: They were. They were. Even my little ones, I was like, 'What do you think?' Like, 'So, you don't think it's okay to cry?' And they were like, 'No, yeah, I think-- I think it is.' 

And I'm like, 'Yeah, yeah, it totally is.' 

And like, 'Do you think only girls cry?' Like, anyways, it was just-- It was a really good conversation. 

So, now, I don't shy away from reading those books. I know that some people are like, "I just don't read those," but I'm like, 'They're so good, they're so much good in them too.' 

And so, I'm like, 'We'll read them.' And it also provides such a great conversation starter to be like, "Now, let's talk about what do we actually think about what they said here?" So anyways, that was kind of like a side story, but I loved that--  

I loved what you said about like, "I was kind of raised in this way", and like how it kind of perpetuated that. Right? We think that if we push it down and don't talk about it, somehow, it'll be better. Right? 

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yeah. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And in the end, we're actually perpetuating things like, you know, anxiety.

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yeah. And so, I've exactly had to like intentionally raise my awareness of my own feelings and my own reactions. I love you did a Reel, a little while ago on triggers…and knowing your triggers, and what they can be. 

I was like hot, hot, hot, hot because I couldn't 'hot' it enough. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. 

 

Stephanie Pinto: But I, particularly with my daughter – so she's now five and around the four-year-old kind of mark – I recognized that she was having these massive big emotions and big reactions to her older brother who was-- You know, he's bigger and stronger and faster and he can grab the markers quicker than her and--  

You know, so she was having these really big strong emotions; you know, angry, even rage. Right? You know, because she couldn't handle it. I went through this process of, first I was like, 'I should know how to deal with this, but oh my God, look at her beautiful tiny face and she's got so much rage.'

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.

 

Stephanie Pinto: But then, I like came to this space where I'm like, 'Ugh, that feels like it wasn't okay for me when I was younger or it feels like she shouldn't be having that big emotion because she's a girl.' 

Like these thoughts running through my head and I actively had to go, 'Whoa, like these are emotions that are normal, natural part of being a human…valuable insights, like rich information that is – like I said, human – it's part of her, part of my son, everyone.' 

And if we-- If I can get to the space where I can just witness those and honor them and let her know I see that you're feeling this emotion and that's okay by me and I'll help you through it and let me be here or nearby or…what do you need? Rather than all that stuff you said; you know, 'You shouldn't be that angry', and 'Go to your room'. And that was like, that's a process.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yes, yes to everything you just said. It's a process because even though logically we might not adhere to those beliefs anymore, we're like, 'Well, I don't think that, I think it's totally fine to cry,' then your kid starts freaking out. Your subconscious brain who hasn't actually started like unprocessing those beliefs, still believes it and still reacts as if you do believe it. 

And so, when I talk about uncovering triggers, it's like there's something below that. Like if you ever feel a strong emotional charge, it's because there's some sort of belief. 

And so, your ability to seek out that belief and be like, 'Oh, okay, wait, like this is what I'm thinking.' And then also start questioning it to be like, 'Wait a second, do I really want actually think that? Like, do I believe that anymore? Like what do I think about this?' 

Because one of the huge things I teach and I believe is that the reason that we're uncomfortable with anybody else's big emotions is because we're uncomfortable with those big emotions in our own bodies. 

And if we don't know how to deal with it inwardly, then we don't know how to deal with it with somebody else. So, we just try to like make them feel better or make them stop or yell at them so that they'll stop so that then we can go back to being calm again. 

We're like, 'Here, you take the emotional responsibility of these feelings because I don't know how to deal with it…so you just calm down first and then I'll figure out how to calm down.'

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yeah.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. And we do that. And I don't say that to like shame people because I totally do this too. Like, I learned all this through being this way also, but just as a way of like education. Like the reason that we're feeling triggered is because there is those beliefs still in there.

 

What emotional intelligence is and how we can teach it to our kids

Crystal The Parenting Coach: So anyways, let's move on to Emotional Intelligence. I would love for you to just explain how do you define that to people? What does that mean?

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yeah. So, Emotional Intelligence I feel like is still a little bit of a new term for a lot of people and a lot of parents. And so, in a nutshell, it's our ability to have the awareness of our own emotions and of others – so other people's emotions – and to use that as information to help us in our decisions, in our relationships to help us adjust our behavior and things like that. 

So, it's really-- It's got that sort of two halves of the coin or two sides of the coin. 

I need to know and have an awareness of my own emotions and be able to manage them. But I also need to know for my kids or for my husband or wife or boss or whatever…I have to have an awareness of what their emotions, what's going on for them and what's coming up for them, why they are maybe acting or saying the things that they are. 

And using that as information to guide ourselves so that we don't just, you know, let our emotions take over and we blow up or we see someone – like our kids – flip their lid and have some big emotions, and then we just react. 

Like we have to look beyond that and recognize that those emotions, like I said, are really valuable, and they are sources of insights and information that we can use…not something to be shoved down and put away and ignored.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yes, emotions are messages, right? They’re communication, they’re information, and when we can take them as that, instead of making them mean something about us, which we are so good at doing as moms and dads…and being able to instead just figure out like, what's happening with me? What's going on? What am I feeling? And processing through that, then we can respond so much more intentionally.

 

What is Emotionally Intelligent Parenting?

Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, what's Emotionally Intelligent Parenting then?

 

Stephanie Pinto: So, this is, as a parent, recognizing my own emotions and having a little bit of a handle on…can I manage them? Can I recognize when I'm triggered and I feel the frustration or the resentment or the disappointment or the fear, you know, all those strong emotions? Can I recognize those? 

Do I have an understanding of where they're coming from and can I express them in the right way so that I'm not blowing up and, you know, flipping my lid, and then doing or saying something I regret…you know damaging my connection with my kids and my relationships? 

So, that's sort of how we ourselves can be emotionally intelligent parents. But then it's also, like I said, that recognition and awareness and honoring of emotions in our kids because, you know, I know you'll get this--  

All those challenging behaviors and the sort of defiance or the misbehavior or the stick in the mud, strong-willed, like all of those kind of labels underneath those is those messages or those emotions or the struggle or the 'It's too hard, I don't have the skills' or 'I'm too tired', or 'I need your help', or 'This is beyond me', 'I'm out of control' or 'I just can't do it, can you help me?' 

So, it's, you know, when we're emotionally intelligent parents, we're not perfect, actually, let me just say that.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I was just going to actually say-- I was going to say to do this all of the time we're talking about-- When we talk about this, we're talking about the ideal, right? This is, like the ideal. And the ideal happens a fraction of the time.

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yeah. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And if you are doing the ideal a fraction of the time, you are doing a great job because that is what we all do. And I also think the mistakes that we make in parenting, I call them 'Errors'. 

The errors that we have are there to teach us things. They're there to teach our kids, you know, how to deal with and process through their own imperfections, as they will. 

So, take this all with a grain of salt. We're talking about the ideal here and don't-- I was just thinking about this today, actually. Like a knife is like a great tool to cut things and slice things and help us out in the kitchen, but it also can be like a weapon and can be really harmful. 

And I think we do the same thing with all of the amazing mental and emotional health tools out there. We're like, 'This is so great', but then we can also weaponize it and use it against ourself and be like, 'But I should be able to do this all the time and I should always become--'  

No, you're also human. So, all of those things that Stephanie just said about how to think about your kids and how to know like, 'Okay, you know, this is their best and they're just dealing with things,' we can think all those same things about us also.

 

So, just a little side note, I think we're both totally on the same page about this Good-Enough Parenting thing, not perfect parenting, Good-Enough Parenting. So yes. Tell us, like, how does that play out? 

So, like, my child is not listening. I'll use an example that just came up with a client today. They're putting their kids to bed and their kids keep coming out and just like wrestling with each other and like not going to sleep and they keep coming out over and over and over again.

 

What Emotionally Intelligent Parenting looks like

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Walk us through what does Emotionally Intelligent Parenting look like in that scenario?

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yeah, so first off, oh man, that can be so frustrating because at the end of the day, we're exhausted and we want our own like 'mom time' or 'parent time'.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yes. 

 

Stephanie Pinto: So, acknowledging that, that 'This is a tough time and this is frustrating', or 'I am getting really frustrated, I'm getting mad, you know, this is hard for me'. 

So, awareness, again, of our own emotional, sort of the fluctuation of our mood or our state; and we have to have this, you know, it's interception…that awareness of the feelings coming up from within my body that are telling me if I don't take a break or do something, use a coping strategy or whatever it is, I'm going to flip my lid and I'm going to yell at my kids or do something. 

So, managing-- Again, we are not perfect, but we're trying to notice when that's happening and maybe tag teaming if we have another co-parent, or taking time for ourselves. 

If our kids are safe and they're just coming out and things like that, take a few minutes to ground yourself or do what you need to do. And then with our kids and their behavior of coming out, you know, looking beyond the behavior of coming out and doing the silly thing. 

Not taking it personally – like you said, I love that - and recognizing the need or the struggle or the emotion or what's going on for our child underneath that behavior of the coming out. 

So, they might be-- I had a conversation with my son months ago because he had a like phase of coming out, and he's eight. And he was saying, you know, "I'm bored, I miss you, there's nothing to do, I'm not tired yet." And I was like, "Oh man, I can really resonate with those emotions and those feelings and those frustrations." You know? 

I luckily have impulse control; and I have, you know, the awareness of, if I don't sleep tonight, what'll impact me tomorrow, but he doesn't. 

So, you know, meeting our kids where they're at in those struggles and helping them and supporting them with the kind of what's underneath their behavior, which is often the emotion or the feeling, I don't like it, I'm not ready, I need more time or I don't want to…and validating that. 

And then finding some ways to solve those problems that are getting in our child's way from coming out. And sometimes that means we need to adjust our expectations. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yes. 

 

Stephanie Pinto: I was really bad at that and I would be like, no. My older sister who had kids before me said bedtime should be 7:00. And oh man, like the stress of trying to keep to that.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I think a lot of it is adjusting our expectations and also knowing like, you know, sleep is developmental, kids are all going to do it at different stages; there's nothing wrong with your child if they can't do that. 

And I love what you're saying about validation because that really is what like empathy is, right? It's like sitting and validating what they're going through, and like being there in the struggle with them. 

And it doesn't mean you're going to be like, that means you can just stay up all night, right? Like some people feel like peaceful or gentle parenting means like, you just give in, you're just permissive all the time. And that's actually just as untrue as authoritarian parenting is. 

Like, that's like saying that connection-based parenting is authoritarian parenting because it's right in the middle. Like I feel like it's that center space of like, yes, we can validate, connect, and love and support; and also, we're going to still hold the boundary of like, 'It's bedtime right now'.

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yeah. Yep. Boundaries comes up a lot because, like you said, people often have these paradigms around, 'Well, if I allow my kids to have their emotions, then they're going to be calling the shots, staying up late, eating the sugar, not brushing their teeth and hurting their brothers and sister.' 

I'm like, no, no, no…we can accept and validate their experience or their emotions and yet still hold our boundaries around things that are hurtful, harmful, dangerous, inappropriate. Like that is our role as parents. 

And, to be okay with the pushback or the frustration or the resistance, I call it the, the complaining or the please or why do you always do that? You know, you're so unfair…being okay with those emotions because that's healthy too.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. And I think we need those boundaries to feel safe and secure in a relationship; and they're pushing back against them, which is totally normal. Like, we all do that, that's fine. But being able to do it from that calm place of peace and presence and connection is actually what teaches them, right? 

It's not through force and through manipulation and through coercion and through getting angry and through, you know, lecturing them…like that's never actually how anybody learns anything, despite popular belief. 

It's like it's through that connection. It's through that validation that they actually will learn. And my son went through a similar thing that you're talking about with sleep. And when I could drop my expectation-- I did not do this, by the way, like, so here you go, listening to The Parenting Coach and I still have parenting challenges; I'm not challenge-free. 

But a couple of years ago, he was really struggling coming out of bed all of the time, up for hours. And I was so frustrated because again, I was thinking those like, 'This is my time of night, I need my rest.' 

I think my biggest thought was probably like, he shouldn't be coming out. Like, this is too-- Like, he's too old for this. And when I noticed that and I was able to release that expectation, releasing an expectation doesn't mean that I just like let them get away with it; it means that then I show up in a different energy space, right? 

So, then I'm more calm and I'm more connected. And he comes out, and I snuggle him and I put him back to bed. He comes out, I snuggle him, I put him back to bed. I'm still telling him it's time for bed. 

But from that energy I was able to see, 'Oh, he's actually dealing with anxiety.' And I didn't know that until I sat and listened to him, until I like allowed us to connect and to have a conversation about it. 

When I just kept trying to like push like, 'Nope, it's bedtime, it's bedtime, it's bedtime--' and not listen to him, I had no idea that what he was dealing with was anxiety. And once I had that information, then I was like, 'Oh, okay, like now what's really going on?' 

I could really dig into the root cause, which was all this other stuff. And then, now he's the best sleeper ever. 

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yay. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Fast-forward. Fast-forward, it does work. 

 

Stephanie Pinto final advice on Emotionally Intelligent Parenting

Crystal The Parenting Coach So, one thing I want to end on is, if you were talking to somebody right now who's struggling to parent in this way – that we've been talking about, this way through Emotional Intelligence for me…teaching my kids Emotional Intelligence – what is one step or tool or a bit of advice that you would give to them?

 

Stephanie Pinto: First off is to like, leave your kids in a way, because when we do "the work" – I'm using like air quotes – when we do the work, then the ripple effects do the rest for our kids. 

So, to begin with, if you recognize that you're really uncomfortable with certain emotions – they trigger you or they make you feel like you need to jump in and help your kids and shush, shush, it's okay, it's okay – if we're uncomfortable, then look…their little signal is going, 'Here is where there is some work that you can do'. 

You know, it's a growth area; it's something that you're not okay with or that you struggle with or it's a challenge, so start here. So, I often encourage parents to start becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable emotions; like I had to do that with anger, and it was really hard. It still is hard to allow myself to feel angry about something because I thought I was being like selfish and rude when I was angry. 

I literally was like, 'Why am I being angry? Everything is so great, and I'm just being greedy and ungrateful.'

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: "I shouldn't feel this emotion." Yeah.

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yeah. So, becoming comfortable with those uncomfortable ones, and just coming back to the fact that emotions are neither good nor bad; they just are, that they're natural and they're normal and they're a part of being human and they're really, really helpful and informative. So, we can sort of start there, I think.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yes. I love that; emotions are experiences--  

 

Stephanie Pinto: Yeah. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: There's nothing wrong with them. There's like-- There's just something that we feel; and I think that's what the crux of what we're talking about today is…Emotional Intelligence means getting comfortable with those emotions, knowing that they're not a problem in you or in your kids. 

And also, that this can be a lifelong journey. You don't have to listen to this one episode and be like, 'Okay, now I'm going to get it all, all the time.' Like, we don't; and we do this for work and help other people do it, and we still don't get it all the time.

 

Stephanie Pinto: Kidding.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Right? So, it's fine; it's fine that it's a process. It's a journey. It's growth, it's learning; and it'll keep happening. So, thank you for being here today. 

 

How to connect with Stephanie Pinto

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Will you tell people where they can connect with you?

Stephanie Pinto: Yes. But first I want to say I love your brain. I love it. Every time you talk, I'm like, 'Yes, yes, yes.' 

Probably the easiest way is through my website, which is just StephaniePinto.com. And I'm on Instagram and Facebook, and things like that and YouTube. But the main place where I put out a lot of my sort of like words and messages and content and stuff is on my Facebook group, which is called Let's Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love that. Let's end with that. Let's all agree to raise emotionally intelligent kids; and also, that doesn't mean that we're perfect at it. It's going to be-- It's going to be a process. It's going to be a journey. So, thank you so much for being here.

 

Stephanie Pinto: Thank you.

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Thanks for listening. If you'd like to help spread this work to the world, share this episode on social media and tag me, send it to a friend, or leave a quick rating and review below so more people can find me. If you'd like more guidance on your own parenting journey, reach out.