S05|21 - Conscious Discipline for Parents and Teachers with Mr. Chazz

Mr. Chazz has a mission to help adults truly See, Guide and Trust children. He is pushing the needle a little closer toward world peace with his approach. He is an Educational Specialist, Parent coach and Content Creator. He goes by, “Mr. Chazz” and he even has a song to prove it.  

What we talk about today:

• Mr. Chazz approach to parenting + teaching: See, Guide, Trust
• How to provide emotional safety for our kids, so they can open up to learning
• Ditching perfectionism for becoming an “improvenist” instead
• How to use Conscious Discipline in families and in schools
• How to create change in your school and teach in a healthier way
• How to encourage your child’s teacher to learn more about Conscious Discipline
• Using the belief/mindset that people are doing the best they can, with the resources and skills they have to support others in a healthier way

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Conscious Discipline: https://consciousdiscipline.com/
Conscious Discipline Books: https://consciousdiscipline.com/store-category/books/

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Coaching has changed my own life, and the lives of my clients. More connection, more healing, more harmony, and peace in our most important relationships. It increases confidence in any parenting challenges and helps you be the guide to teach your children the family values that are important to you- in clear ways. If you feel called to integrate this work in a deeper way and become a parenting expert, that’s what I’m here for.

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Episode Transcript

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hi, I'm Crystal The Parenting Coach. Parenting is the thing that some of us just expected to know how to do. It's not like other areas of your life where you go to school to be taught, get on the job training, or have mentors to help you learn. Now, you can get that help here.

I believe that your relationship with your children is one of the most important aspects of your life, and the best way that you can make a positive impact on the world and on the future. I've made parental relationships my life study, and use life coaching tools with connection-based parenting to build amazing relationships between parents and their children. 

If you want an even better relationship with your child, this podcast will help you. Take my Parenting Quiz, the link is in the show notes. Once we know what your parenting style is, I'll give you some tips tailored to you and a roadmap to help you get the most out of my podcast. I invite you to help me spread the word by sharing your favorite episode on social media or with a friend.

 

Welcome to today's podcast episode, Conscious Discipline for Parents and Teachers with Mr. Chazz. 

Mr. Chazz has a mission to help adults truly "See, Guide, and Trust" children. He is pushing the needle a little closer toward world peace with his approach. He is an Educational Specialist, Parent Coach and Content Creator. He goes by, “Mr. Chazz” and he even has a song to prove it.

 

Before we dig into this episode, I want to quickly mention that I'm going to be doing a workshop, and I would love to hear feedback from you on what you would want in that workshop. I've had a lot of people ask questions about chores, how do chores work when you're trying to parent in a more conscious and gentle way and not be so forceful with it. 

I've also had people talk about compassion fatigue, and also how to take care of kids that are highly sensitive and what to do if you feel like you are highly sensitive as a parent also. So, there's so many great topics out there. 

Sibling rivalry is another one, and I would want to hear from you. So, head over to Instagram. You can also email me. You can click on the show notes for all the links, if you want to scroll down, and let me know what you would most like to hear from me and what would be most supportive for you.

 

All right, welcome to the podcast today. I am super excited to introduce our guest today because this is one of my very favorite people to follow on Instagram and has been for years. And I am super excited that he's here to share all of his knowledge and wisdom with us, and to talk about a topic that I haven't really talked about before. 

 

What Mr. Chazz does and how he got started

Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, first of all, let me introduce Mr. Chazz.

 

Mr. Chazz: Hello. Hello. That's me, Mr. Chazz.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hi, Mr. Chazz. Do you want to just give us a little-- My first question's just going to be; tell us a little bit about you and what you do, for the people that maybe don't know you yet, and how you kind of got into this in the first place.

 

Mr. Chazz: Yeah. Seeing this is a shorter podcast, I'm going to give you the short version. I started off as a Montessori teacher; I learned a lot there, I grew a lot. People started to ask me questions. Then I became what was called a pretty much a Teacher Coach, but the title was Educational Specialist – where I would go around to 10 different early childhood centers, and I would support them and coach them and do trainings, things like that. 

The pandemic happened, and then I wanted to kind of share my lessons, all the lessons I'd learned along my journey online. And so, I started creating content for TikTok, Instagram, Facebook; and it blew up. 

It resonated with a lot of people. It grew, grew, grew; and that turned into my own podcast called Mr. Chazz's Leadership, Parenting and Teaching Podcast where I introduced people who can help them – who can help you on your leadership, parenting, or teaching journey. 

And the idea there is to; one, dive deeper into nuances that's hard to capture in a one-minute video – and also, to introduce people to resources that can help them on their journey. So, you can kind of create a community of people that you learn from and that resonate with you to help you learn and grow because I know that was really helpful on my journey. And so, that is a little bit about me, and how I got to be here.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love it. And what I love is like, you have so much knowledge and wisdom and all of these tools to help people – but I think it's like a combination of that and the way that you say it, your personality that just makes it so effective for people. 

I love the little clips that you do where you're like, pretending like you're like the adult and the child, or the teacher and the child, or the leader and the child; and kind of showing what's happening from both angles. So, definitely, if you did not follow Mr. Chazz, go find him on all of those places.

 

Mr. Chazz approach to parenting + teaching: See, Guide, Trust

Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, what I'd love to dig into, first, is I talk a lot about connection and attachment and, you know, consciousness within parenting. Tell us a little bit more about your approach. How do you help parents, or leaders, or teachers?

 

Mr. Chazz: So, I talk a lot about "See, Guide, and Trust" – three words, see, guide, and trust. And the idea is that we need to be able to see a child, a person before we're able to effectively guide them. 

And what we traditionally have a tendency to do is to think that we have all the answers as the leader, as the parent, as the teacher. 

"And if this child could just listen to me, then it'll be sunshine and rainbows and everything will be good; and we'll live a good happy life if you could just listen to – what I have to – the wisdom and the knowledge that I have to impart upon you." 

But the problem there is that a lot of times our wisdom and our knowledge falls on deaf ears because we're not really seeing the child first.

We are-- And, you know, kind of think about trying to grab someone's arm in a dark room; and you don't see them, right? You're trying to reach out to them, but how you're trying to reach out to them isn't connecting with them. And so, we just miss them a lot of times with our guidance. 

And when we see a person, it does two huge things. And I talk a lot about-- My focus is children, but this is applicable to adults too. And when we see a person, when we see a child, it does two huge things – two major things. 

Thing number one is when a person-- When we see the person, we're able-- It's illuminating. We're able to actually reach out to them and connect with them – so that way, our guidance is actually helping them solve the problem that they're experiencing from their perspective that they're struggling with. 

And the other thing that it does when we see a person, when we see a child before we try to guide them, is that they're way more willing to go on that journey with us, to be guided by us when they feel seen, when we feel understood. 

Think about a boss that you've had that you felt like they didn't just, they just didn't get you – they didn't understand your job, they didn't understand what you do and how you work with the clients, or what the reality of your job is. 

That person, they ask you to do something extra, you're going to be-- You know, you might not say it out loud – but to yourself, you might say, "Do it yourself, have someone else do that, why do I have to do it?" 

And if we don't say it out loud – out loud to them – a lot of times, I've seen this happen so many times and so many industries will talk amongst each other – the other people who are doing the job with us that understand, but this person doesn't know what they're doing. 

Who this person think, that is, "Fine, I'll do it, but we'll halfway do it." Right? And so, we're not really putting our best foot forward. 

Now, think about the boss that you had, you feel understood by, connected to, who like really took the time to understand the realities of your job and the realities of what you're, you know, of who you are. That person, they ask you to do something, you'll go above and beyond for that person. And so, this being able to really see and connect with a child is essential in trying to guide them.

 

Using the belief/mindset that people are doing the best they can, with the resources and skills they have to support others in a healthier way

Mr. Chazz: Now, the last part that I didn't talk about is trust. And this is a part that I think we struggle with a lot in kind of our mindset is to really understand that everyone is trying their best with the skills, knowledge, and resources they have the access to in that moment; and that's not just the child. 

Yes, this child is trying their best. But also, you as the parent, you are trying your best with the skills, knowledge, and resources you have access to in the moment. Now, that doesn't mean that you're always going to be at your best, right? 

You might be, you know on a scale of 1 to 10…you might be at a 6, you know, but you're going to do your best with that 6. Right? You may not always be at your best, but we are all always trying our best. 

And so, to understand sometimes that maybe your child may wake up at a five, right? And to see them and to understand that, like, 'Okay, our child's having a hard time right now – they're not giving us a hard time, but having a hard time.' 

To understand that and to understand that; maybe my child might need connection, or they might need a little bit more time, or they might need me to give the direction in a different way. 

And a lot of times we begin to say, "Well, I know you can do this, you should know better." Right? Because they've done that, you've seen them do the thing before. But right now, in this moment, there might be something that's stopping them from being able to do it in this moment. You know? 

And so, to really take a step back and to really see the child, and see where they're at so we can meet them where they're at and guide them along their unique journey. And so, that is a condensed version of what I'm talking about with "See, Guide, and Trust" – writing a whole book on it, but that is a little bit of an overview.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Oh, I love that. I'm totally going to get that book. I there's a few things that you pointed out that I want to hit on. 

I was just listening to your interview with Dr. Mona Delahooke the other day, and it really-- I had somebody comment on one of my Reels the other day, and she said, "I know my child's way more capable, though…like, I know, we've done chores before and he's been able to do this chore, and now he's not, so I know that he can – and so, I need to make him do it now," kind of a thing.

 

Mr. Chazz: Yeah.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I loved what you talked about with her, which is the same kind of concept of like, that doesn't mean they can do it in all situations at all times. Just because they figured out how to do it one time in the ideal situation and can accomplish that task then, doesn't mean that they're at a 10 all the time. Just like, we're not at a 10 all the time.

 

Mr. Chazz: Yes. Just like, we're not at a 10 all the time, right? Because if you're listening to this and you're on their journey, you're trying to grow and improve – they're going to be some times, and, you know, you're learning new skills and children are constantly learning new skills. 

You know, their entire childhood, they're learning new skills. And, you as a parent, you're still learning new skills. So, there may be times where you're able to keep your composure, you're able to guide them, you're able to get out the door without yelling at them or threatening them. 

And there going to be some times where you're not able to do that, right? And it might be because of lack of sleep. It might be because of you're stressed out about something else that's going on that has absolutely nothing to do with your child. You know, it could be-- It's so many different things, right? 

It could just be you have a headache because maybe the lights are a little bright, or maybe you're dehydrated, or maybe you're hungry – or maybe something happened at work that day and you're still got some feelings in your body, and so you might lash out a little bit more quickly. 

Or maybe your partner didn't do something that they said that they were going to do, so now you're just feeling a little bit more feelings – you don't have as many resources to pull on. You might have the knowledge, but you might not have the resources to really access the practice of it.

 

Ditching perfectionism for becoming an "improvenist" instead

Mr. Chazz: And so, just knowing that you too are included in this – and to just be able to recognize that, and then also give yourself empathy and be aware of what is going on in your body instead of judging and shaming yourself because that's what happens a lot of the time, because we have this--  

Our self-talk, a lot of times, comes from how we were responded to and how we were talked to growing up as a child. And so, now, we have that self-talk. We might say, "Oh, you're so stupid…'Oh, you always get it wrong." 

And we talk to ourselves and that negative self-talk stops us from actually just becoming aware of, 'Okay, I yelled, I'm recognizing that I am hungry…and I yelled because, you know, I wasn't able to take a step back – I wasn't able to take a breath, I wasn't able to calm myself and responded in a different way because something's going on in my body. Okay, I'm hungry. Maybe I need to eat something and then come back to this.' Right?

That judgment, that way that when we don't show empathy to ourselves and we judge or shame ourselves…it stops our, it stops us from actually improving from and learning from whatever mistake we just made. 

And the power in that, you know, it's not about just being perfect. You know, I say, "Avoid being a perfectionist, be an improvenist". The goal isn't to be perfect every day, the goal is to improve a little every day.

And so, the judgment and the shame – and the pressure to try to be perfect and never make mistakes – actually, holds us back. 

And what is more powerful than being perfect or pretending to be perfect and pretending that we don't make mistakes and trying to hide our mistakes from children, is to show them how to make mistakes; how when we make a mistake, how we can come back from it – how we can give ourselves empathy, how we can apologize for it and not apologize in a way where we're avoiding the responsibility and we're saying things like, "I'm sorry that I yelled at you, but you need to listen the first time." 

That's taking away the responsibility. That's still putting the responsibility of our actions on the child. And we say-- We are so funny as adults, because we'll say all the time--  

Kids learn this from us, so they'll say things like-- They'll hit a friend or their brother or something like that and we'll say like, "You know you're not supposed to hit." 

And they'll say, "Well, they made me do it"…or, "They told me to do it"…or, "They were doing this so I hit them". 

And then we'll say something like, "Well, you're in control of your own choices, and no one can make you do anything." Right? "If they jumped off of a bridge, would you jump off of a bridge?" 

Then we'll say all these kind of things like that. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. 

 

Mr. Chazz: Meanwhile, we'll say, "You made me put you in timeout, you made me yell at you…this is your fault that I did this."

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: "You're making mad, you hurt your sister's feelings."

 

Mr. Chazz: Right. Instead of taking a responsibility of what we did and the choice that we made to yell, to timeout, to spank. And I don't even like using the word 'timeout because it means a lot of things to a lot of different people. 

So, I'm going to actually just correct that and just say force them into isolation, because that's what I mean when I'm talking about timeouts. And a lot of people do it differently. 

But we'll say that they made us do it. And so, just in the process of this is, it's okay to make mistakes – it's a part of the learning process for you, it's an essential part of the learning process for them. And the most powerful thing that we can do is show them how to repair relationships after mistakes and how to take accountability, and how to grow and learn and improve and problem-solve for mistakes.

 

How to use Conscious Discipline in families and in schools

Mr. Chazz: One last thing on mistakes. A little acronym that you may be able to take back and remember that comes from Conscious Discipline, which is one of the philosophy that I practice – OOPS stands for Our Opportunity to Problem-Solve. 

So, when you making, OOPS, it's not a…'Oh no, I'm such a bad person – I'm such a bad parent, bad mom, bad whatever.' It's our opportunity to problem-solve.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love that. I've always said, "There's no learning in shame". When shame is present – when we feel like we're not enough, when we're really down on ourselves – we're not learning, our kid's not learning…it's just not useful.

And we do that as humans. And to move through that, we have to find this acceptance of our humanity, and it's okay to make mistakes, and also find self-compassion for ourselves. 

And when we are hypercritical internally, we're going to be so much more critical of the people around us. So, I always say, it always starts with us. Like, if we want to show this compassion and connection and all of this to our kids, we have to first give that to ourselves. 

I loved what you said about, in the "See, Guide, and Trust", the see part of it, is all connection, right? It's like witnessing them, and validating them, and being there for them. 

And so, many people come and they want to know specific outcomes, right? How do I get my child to do X, Y, Z? How do I get them to stop doing X, Y, Z? 

And it's so specific, and it's so outcome-based – but I feel like with this approach, it's more like, 'Okay, let's calm down…let's figure out what's going on inside of us first…let's see them, let's connect with them…let's believe that they're doing their best.' 

And from that space, it totally changes the energy. It totally changes our mindset. Like we're thinking differently about it, we're going to be able to be a lot more calm and a lot more present. And it's less about the specific behavior, and more about that relationship you have with them.

 

Mr. Chazz: Yeah. Yes. And you do-- You know, you do see the behavior too, because the behavior is often telling you something. There's a lot that we can learn from observing their behavior. 

It's just that we're not judging their behavior; we're observing it, and we're getting information from it. We're getting data from it. And just last night-- I did a podcast episode, I haven't put it out yet, and talking--  I think you brought up chores, and like getting children to do--  

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. 

 

Mr. Chazz: -what you want them to do. And someone I was interviewing last night was Astoria, how she just did this experiment of, you know, every day she was telling her child to do a chore. The chore was just like to empty out the dishwasher. The child's like six years old. 

And just, you know, chore was just like to take the dishes out and to put them away. And every time he would just go like, ah, and just get upset and kind of throw a little bit of like a temper tantrum – a little bit of just like a just frustration, and just like, 'I don't want to do it.' 

And, you know, every time that would be his reaction to her telling him to do that. And so, she's like, 'Okay, I'm going to do an experiment.' 

And her experiment was doing a little connection ritual – or a little we call them in consciousness, but I love you rituals – before she asked him to do the dishes. And, you know, connection has the way that you connect, it has these different components. 

And I'm going to tell you what the components are so that you can use them, and it's something you can very much apply when you're trying to connect with your child; and we say connection primes the brain for willingness. 

 

The components of connection

So, connection has these components; 

 

1. Touch

It has touch; some kind of touch, it can be like fingers, hands, all those things, hugs. 

 

2. Presence

Presence actually being engaged in it in a playful situation. 

 

3. Eye Contact

And eye contact. 

 

So, you have those components, and we have these, kind of, specific kind of rituals – you can make up your own. But if you're kind of doing those components with your child, you're making eye contact, you're giving your presence in a playful situation, and you're touching – you're connecting with them. 

And so, she did this connection ritual with her child every time. And then, every time she did it…afterwards, she would just be like, 'Okay, mom,' And he would go and do it and there wasn't a fight. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love that. 

 

Mr. Chazz: And so, just think about like, sometimes we don't see that, or sometimes we may not feel like doing it, but the child might need connection before they're able to do the thing that we're asking them to do or wanting them to do, or to really meet our expectations – to really get to the higher centers of their brain so that they can really access more of their resources and skills and knowledge. And that's part of that seeing, part of the "See, Guide, and Trust".

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. It's like, connect before you direct, but I love how you broke down, "This is what connection entails", because sometimes we're like, 'Okay, connect, let me look in their eyes.' 

But we're not-- We don't have the energy, we don't have the focus, we don't have the presence. It's not connection unless it feels like connection in our bodies also. 

 

Mr. Chazz: Yes.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: We can't just like fake connection because our kids are like emotional little beings. Like, it's more about the emotion and the energy and the presence that we're bringing; they're going to be able to feel that. 

 

Mr. Chazz: Yes.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: But it has been exactly the same in my home; if I take even just a minute to spend some time connecting before I ask them to do something, there's a much higher percentage of them listening to me after I've connected first.

 

Mr. Chazz: Yeah. Another key phrase here too, you talked about energy, is that…our state, they dictate their state. 

And so, if we are asking them, if we're like, "Go do the dishes!", they're likely going to respond in an emotional state with upset too. And that's not going to be helpful, right? 

And so, if we want them to be in a better state to access their resources and their knowledge, we have to, sometimes – before we do that, we have to self-regulate ourselves. We have to--  

We have to get to a regulated place ourselves because sometimes, maybe you come in the door after a day of work and you're already, you know, you're just, you just want to decompress. And then you walk in, you see shoes everywhere by the door, not put away---you see that the dishes aren't done, you see there's – you know, chaos happening in the house. 

And so, with very frustrated tone, you try to-- like, you know, you direct things and tell people what to do and like…'Why haven't you done this? Why haven't you done this?' 

And then there's reaction; and they might yell back at you or they may shut down, a lot people respond and children respond in all different kinds of ways. 

In the Conscious Discipline we talk about, you know, we have a kind of a metaphor for the threat, kind of three brain states of the executive state is when we're kind of regulated and really at our best – the emotional state is when we are, like when we're emotional. 

And a lot of times, this happens when-- You know, what we'll do some behaviors that you'll see when a person's in emotional state is that they'll blame others, they'll criticize, they will-- This is like the classic, you know, when the four-year-old says, "You're not invited to my birthday party", that's an emotional state, right? 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. 

 

Mr. Chazz: Or, "You're not--" Or, "I hate you, mom." Like this is--

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Oh man, 'I hate you, mom' is my six-year-old's go-to when she's mad. I'm like, 'Okay, she's feeling some feelings'… but "I hate you, mom – you're the worst mom ever."

 

Mr. Chazz: Yeah. And that's a sign that they may need connection. And in this state, they are…the question that their brain is asking is, am I loved? 

The question that the brain is asking when we're in an executive state is, what can I learn? 

Now, there's also another state, survival state; and this is when you can see when a child is in a survival state because they're likely using their survival skills – the fight, the flight, the fawn. 

And a lot of people don't know what fawn is, but that's kind of like when we just like people-please just to survive, to kind of get through the situation. But we're not really using our skills when we're in a survival mode. We're not really using the skills – the, what I would call our thrive skills…the skills that we need to thrive. 

We're just using skills that we need to maybe survive in that moment – which is fighting, fighting or fawning. And the brain is asking when--  

A way that you can know that a child's in a survival state…yes, they may be using survivor skills, they're also likely not using any words. And what their brain is asking when a child is in survival state is, am I safe? And, this is-- It is really important when a child is in survival state, that's where our energy is really important to help move them up.

 

How to provide emotional safety for our kids, so they can open up to learning

Mr. Chazz: A lot of times, a child is in an emotional state. We might come in and start, like, start an executive state. A child's in emotional state, they might say, they might talk back to us; and then we get an emotional state, and we'll talk back to them reinforcing the behavior that we don't want to see--  

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yep. Yep. 

 

Mr. Chazz: -and that only pushes them further down. And then it escalates, it gets worse. They may shut down or we get in a survival state. 

But instead, what we can do in those moments is really see them in that moment. See what they need. What state are they-- What state are they in? What question is the brain asking? What do they need right now? Do they need to know that they're safe? 

And 'safe' doesn't mean like, am I going to fall off a 40-foot cliff? You know, it is-- Safety is very objective. It's very-- Safety doesn't mean, is their life in danger or not? Safety can be, am I safe to be myself?

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah, like emotional safety.

 

Mr. Chazz: Right. Right. And, this is-- It's really important that we're able to offer that emotional safety with our energy – and not even all the times with words, because words-- I mean, it's going to be really hard to process words when we're in a survival state. So, with our safety, with our breathing it; that's what's really important when a child is in the survival state.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. It's like turning-- It's like turning back to us and being like, "Okay, what is my emotion? What is my energy right now? And what can I do to help myself calm down?" Because how we teach emotional regulation is through co-regulation. 

 

Mr. Chazz: Right.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: It's through us being that calm and present provider for them. 

 

Mr. Chazz: Right. 

 

How to create change in your school and teach in a healthier way

Crystal The Parenting Coach: What I would love to pivot and talk about is teaching. I've noticed in school systems, some people are a little bit more forward-thinking about this – but in a lot of school systems, they don't really have this down yet. 

They're really not into like Conscious Discipline or connection or attachment. Right? It's kind of the more of the traditional parenting tactics that we used to see in the generations before us – are still, in my mind, still quite present in the school system.

So, I know that you talk on this often, but if there's teachers or administrators or people working in the school system that really love this approach in parenting, how can they start to be that change within the school world?

 

Mr. Chazz: Oh man, huge question, because we're talking about--

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: This is like everything you talk about forever.

 

Mr. Chazz: Yes, yes. And, you know, recognizing that it's not even just individual teachers, it's also the systems that teachers are operating in that were created with these, kind of, old traditional ways of thinking such as…failure to make children behave equals my failure. 

Another one is when I fail to make someone obey, that has something to do with my self-worth…like, I'm not a good teacher if I can't make these children obey me.

And so, understanding-- You know, I think a lot of parents have been doing the work and probably listening to your podcast. They've been doing the work themselves in their own home. 

And then, you know, and maybe they even have their partner on board or maybe even other family members, and they've been able to utilize kind of the Gentle Parenting Approach, and been able to co-regulate and talk about emotions. 

And then they go into the school system and, you know, they recognize that teachers aren't – a lot of teachers aren't doing that. And a lot of teachers haven't really gone on this journey of…you know, instead of thinking that, 'I have to make others change, I have to make children change…and the more insubordinate the child, the more force is justified.' 

Instead, changing to, 'If I want others to change, I first have to change my reaction and my response and my perception.' Right? And so, it's one thing to even to acknowledge that, like, 'Okay, I want to shift the paradigm.'

It's a whole different thing of actually then, 'Okay, now what does that look like?' Right? And a lot of parents probably went through this too, what does that look like for me in my household? And you kind of went on this journey of learning, of making mistakes, OOPS-ing. 

Teachers also-- Recognize that teachers also have to go through that journey. First, they have to make that decision. They have to choose for themselves that they want to make the commitment to teach in a healthier way, in a more helpful way. And not just overpowering children using fear and shame. 

First, they have to make that choice to focus more on collaboration and connection. After you make that choice, that choice is very much the hard part, something we should celebrate if you made that choice…clap, pat yourself on the back, celebrate, woo-hoo. 

But then comes a lot of the work, the hard part, right? And not to say that that isn't a hard part, but then it's like, how do we actually practically do this in a classroom with 20, 30 children all with different needs – all with different things going on, who are coming from different cultures, backgrounds, different things that happened that morning in a different…you know, they're all coming in a different state.

 

How to encourage your child’s teacher to learn more about Conscious Discipline

Mr. Chazz: How do I make that a reality in the classroom? And so, the first thing I would say, because I get these messages all the time from parents, is like, what do I do? Like, what do I do by…I'm noticing the teacher using a lot of judgment and shame. They're using the color chart, they're using time-out, force, isolation. They're using--  

You know, like, what do I do? Like I don't approve of this. The first thing I say is to start with empathy, and understand that everyone is on their own journey. So, just start there with empathy and compassion because we start to get--  

You know, us being in our emotional state, we can get very critical and very judgmental and have a hard time trusting that everyone's doing the best with the skills, knowledge, and resources to have access to in that moment. So, start there. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. 

 

Mr. Chazz: Second thing is, build a connection with that teacher; and that might take a little bit of time, and it may come with just understanding that there's something – maybe they have a color chart or something. 

And that's not something you approve of because it's like, 'Wow, you're going to, you know, judging…you're trying to shame children into compliance.' First, non-judgmentally, try to understand where they're coming from and what their reasoning for isn't. 

You want to just kind of continue the conversation and, kind of, you know, maybe introduce them to Conscious Discipline because Conscious Discipline has all those questions of like, you know, because the teacher's going to be thinking, "Well, how do I do this with 20 kids in my class? How to do this one child is-- You know, how do I offer compassion and not go to shame and use fear when this child's freaking out over here? How do I-- How do I connect with that child when another child needs help and all this stuff is happening? I still have my curriculum to teach." 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.

 

Mr. Chazz: Conscious Discipline and has all those answers. And it's not as simple as just watching a one-minute video or even a 30-minute, one hour video. It really is a journey to really understand the approach to its entirety.

And again, they have to be committed to learning about it because you can't force learning on them. And one way that you can kind of introduce them to it is-- I think a really great introduction if you're a parent and you're trying to introduce Conscious Discipline and a non-trustful, non-judgmental way, is to give them some of the books that come from Conscious Discipline – the Shubert and the Sophie books. 

The Sophie is for younger, I'd say two-ish – Sophie, 3, 4, 5, maybe 6. 

And Shubert is for like, I'd say kind of 5; and two about 12. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay.

 

Mr. Chazz: And in those books, not only are there lessons for the children; and it shows kind of how children kind of work through different, do different things like frustration. 

You know, there's one where a child forgot his permission to slip at home and he's throwing a temper tantrum trying to get the world to change. You know, there's another one where a child knocks Shubert down, the main character, and takes his apple. 

Shubert has to figure out how to get his apple back without using aggressive – without using aggression, without being passive…and how to use his assertive voice, and how to kind of learn that skill. And so, it teaches children those skills in a story, in an age-appropriate way. 

But one of the things I love most about it…its that the back of the book, they have little tips for the adults that go along with the lesson of the book. And so, that's very kind of way to kind of introduce it. 

We've got to start some of those conversations in a way where you're kind of supporting them because, what teacher doesn't love a free book? We're reading books, anyways. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. 

 

Mr. Chazz: Might as well get a book that, you know, is one that's going to be helpful, that's going to teach children new skills and also teach the adults some new skills. 

And I will say that if you are listening to this podcast in 2022, because I've been kind of working closely with Conscious Discipline, I have a promo code "Mrchazz2022", and you can get free shipping from the Conscious Discipline website. 

So, if you're in-- If you're into that and you're trying to find, you're trying to support a teacher – and healthier, more effective ways of teaching that don't utilize shame and fear to help children meet our expectations, Conscious Discipline is a really great resource and they have a lot of free resources on the website. 

So, I very much encourage you as a parent to look into it because it's very helpful for parents who have a lot of parent resources, but they also have a lot, a lot of resources for the classroom.

 

Mr. Chazz's definition of Conscious Discipline

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. I love all of those tips that you've shared. Can you-- For people that might be a little bit new to this, can you just tell us what your definition of Conscious Discipline would kind of be if someone's like, "I don't know if I've really heard that word before", because I know that 'discipline', that word can be a little bit tricky in people's minds.

 

Mr. Chazz: Yes, yes. Discipline is kind of been hijacked, but it really just means to teach.

Conscious Discipline is a trauma responsive program based on brain science. It is a social emotional learning program. I don't have the-- Actually, at the conference I just went to, they actually had like a very specific definition that I don't have in front of me right now. But that's pretty much what it is. 

And, it very much-- It talks about-- Like the different brain states as I talked about, it talks about…like, it has a lot of ways to connect with children. But it's really shifting a lot of these old paradigms that most of us grew up with to what we know now about children, about learning. 

And they have a lot of very practical ways to take all that brain science stuff and to utilize it in the classroom; and it has been proven to improve the academics, right? The social emotional learning doesn't take away from the academics; it actually makes space--  

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yes. 

 

Mr. Chazz: It makes space for the academics. Because that's what gets in the way, a lot of the times, of you hear about the children in the classroom throwing the chairs and, you know, the bullying that happens in schools. And if you're focused on--  

If you don't feel safe in the classroom, you're not going to be able to learn. So, it's a-- It's a trauma-responsive Social Emotional Learning Program that talks a lot about how do you create a school family so that everyone can be successful – teachers, children, parents, administrators.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love that because when we're in that trauma response, when we're not feeling that physical or emotional safety or that relationship, it's just not the best opportunity to learn…it's going to be really hard for those kids to learn. 

So, I love what you said about it, creating that space; when we create that relationship and create that connection with our kids, whether it's in the school system or whether it's at home, it allows space for them to learn behaviors and also to learn academics. 

 

Mr. Chazz: Yeah.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love that. So, I think that's a great spot to end on. I have loved all this information. You have just shared so much with us. I need to go back and like listen and take some notes on the acronyms and stuff you said, because I think they're really great. 

If people want to work with you, I know your specialty is parents, leaders, teachers of kids around the ages of 0 to 12, right?

 

Mr. Chazz: Yep.

 

How to connect with Mr. Chazz

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yep. Yeah. So, how do people-- How could they work with you? How can they learn more about you, connect with you – all of those things?

 

Mr. Chazz: Yes, yes. So, following me on social media; I'm on TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, little bit on LinkedIn – a little bit on YouTube, Mr. Chazz. 

Now, if you want to work one-on-one with me, I have a Patreon; www.patreon.com/MrChazz. And I have different tier levels that you can subscribe to depending on what your needs are, so that I can meet you where you're at. 

And you know, whether you might be trying to get a session-- Maybe you need a session like yesterday, I have a tier level for that. Or maybe you just want to, just start going on a journey – start learning and you just want, you know, you can wait a month – I have a tier level for that. 

And so, I even have one where you, you know-- It's the most affordable tier level, but it's like, "I want to work with you, I just want to be, have access to you, be able to ask you questions, be able to get a coaching session when one is available – I have a tier level for that as well. And so, go to www.patreon.com/Mrchazz if you want to work one-on-one.

And email me at [email protected] if you want me to come out for, want me to do a speak engagement. You know, I fly out. I also do Zoom information. Honestly, with this conversation, we're not even scratching the surface. 

I didn't get into like, you know, helpful scripts to use, how to think about them; and didn't even really scratch the surface with this podcast. So, please, reach out so that we can learn more and learn together. And if you're a parent who wants to support a teacher in learning, get them those Shubert & Sophie books; and connect with me, and I will do my best to help in this situation.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yes, I find your Instagram so helpful. The way that you describe it, the content that you put out there is just really, really helpful. So, make sure that you go connect with him there. 

And I will have all of the links to everything in the show notes. So, if you're interested in the books that we talked about or any of the resources that Mr. Chazz said on the podcast, they will be below here as well. So, thank you so much for being here with us today.

 

Mr. Chazz: Thanks for having me.

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Thanks for listening. If you'd like to help spread this work to the world, share this episode on social media and tag me, send it to a friend, or leave a quick rating and review below so more people can find me. If you'd like more guidance on your own parenting journey, reach out.