The power of story, and when to re-write it

Mar 01, 2021

 “When we deny the story, it defines us.

When we own the story, we can write a brave new ending.”

 Brene Brown 

 

Human beings are innate meaning makers.  And the main way we do this, is through story.

 

There are stories all around us. We are constantly being inundated with things people say, post and communicate verbally or non-verbally. We see things happen, or watch them happen on the news, or read endless opinions about what happened. Some of these stories are obvious, written in story form, like a novel or a newspaper article.

 

But, did you know, there are also stories in your mind? Constantly moving, changing and rewriting your own narrative- creating the story you are telling yourself?!?

 

Yup! Our brains are wired for story. 

 

They look around for little bits and pieces of things… a word here, a gesture there, a tone of voice. It collects all of these in its little mind-basket… it mixes them all up and then strings them together in a story. 

 

Maybe our story is: I’m a great mom! I’m doing a great job! I got this. I love my family. I love what I do. My life is fulfilling. 

 

Sounds like a pretty lovely story, huh?! 

 

Unfortunately, our brain is also wired for negativity. This is called the negativity biasIt feeds us little negative thoughts that get mixed up into our mind-basket and pieced together amongst all of the other thoughts that are in there. 

 

A compounding problem is that there are always gaps in stories. We never know what someone else really means, even when we hear the words they say. We don’t know the background, or what they’ve been through. We can never know the whole story. Our brain sees these gaps, and fills them in. Often with negativity.

 

So maybe your story sounds more like this: “I’m not enough,” “I’ll never be like so-and-so”, “All the moms on Instagram play with their kids all day, except me”, “I’m failing at this motherhood gig”, “Why is everyone doing so much better than I am?”, “My kids are so hard!”, “I can’t handle them!”, “I just don’t know what to do”.

 

Does that story sound more familiar? It probably does because that’s what an un-managed mind— an un-questioned story, sounds like. 

 

The truth is:

 We can question our stories.

 We can shift our stories. 

We have the power to change our story. 

 

Be sure to check back next week and we’ll talk more about how to do this ;)

 

In the meantime, watch this fascinating video on the danger of a single story. 

 

Remember, us before them. Don't forget about the amazing program I have that talks all about the "us" so that we can heal the "us and them".

 

Crystal <3 

 

 

Cover image for the parenting personality quiz, 4 sketches of a mom doing a different activity with her child
Cover image for the parenting personality quiz, 4 sketches of a mom doing a different activity with her child

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