S05|07 - Priorities and Productivity with Ceri Payne

Ceri Payne is a certified life coach from The Life Coach School. She created her six-figure coaching practice while parenting three teenagers, teaching special education full-time, supporting her husband in his demanding career, and serving as the President of her Church's Women's Organization.  

Ceri helps women (many who have ADHD) identify their priorities, organize their time, and simplify their schedules so they can make progress towards their goals in all areas of their life without exhaustion and overwhelm. 

What we talk about today:

• How to identify your personal priorities and align them with your life
• How to do more by taking on less
• How to go to bed at night feeling fulfilled and connected
• Ceri coaches me through my priority of health and helps me uncover my why

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Coaching has changed my own life, and the lives of my clients. More connection, more healing, more harmony and peace in our most important relationships. It increases confidence in any difficulties that come up in parenting, which helps you be the guide and teach your children the family values that are important to you- in clear ways. If you feel called to integrate this work in a deeper way, that’s what I’m here for.

Parent School: click here
Find me on the ‘gram: @the.parenting.coach
Parenting personality quiz: Quiz Link
Website: click here

 

 

Episode Transcript

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hi, I'm Crystal The Parenting Coach. Parenting is the thing that some of us just expected to know how to do. It's not like other areas of your life where you go to school to be taught, get on the job training, or have mentors to help you learn. Now, you can get that help here.

I believe that your relationship with your children is one of the most important aspects of your life, and the best way that you can make a positive impact on the world and on the future. I've made parental relationships my life study, and use life coaching tools with connection-based parenting to build amazing relationships between parents and their children. 

If you want an even better relationship with your child, this podcast will help you. Take my Parenting Quiz, the link is in the show notes. Once we know what your parenting style is, I'll give you some tips tailored to you and a roadmap to help you get the most out of my podcast. I invite you to help me spread the word by sharing your favorite episode on social media or with a friend. 

Episode 7, Priorities and Productivity with Ceri Payne.

Ceri Payne is a certified life coach from The Life Coach School. She created her six-figure coaching practice while parenting three teenagers, teaching special education full-time, supporting her husband in his demanding career, and serving as the President of her Church's Women's Organization. 

Ceri helps women (many who have ADHD) identify their priorities, organize their time, and simplify their schedules so they can make progress towards their goals in all areas of their life without exhaustion and overwhelm.

 

All right. Welcome to the podcast this morning. I am so excited to have my friend, Ceri, on the podcast episode today. I'm going to have her introduce herself a little bit and let us know a little bit about what she does and who she is, and then we will get into our conversation. Hi, Ceri.

 

Ceri Payne: Hi, how are you?

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Good, how are you?

 

Ceri Payne: I’m good. I'm excited to be here. Thanks for having me.

 

Ceri Payne's background, what she does, and how she got started

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Me too. I had Ceri on, I had a-- I ran a membership about a year ago, and she was on; and she taught this awesome workshop, and it was so good. And so, when she reached out and was like, 'I'd love to be on your podcast', I was like, 'Yes, let's talk about this again', because it was a really, really great workshop. So, first of all, just tell us about you and how you kind of got to what you're doing right now.

 

Ceri Payne: So, my name is Ceri. Yes, it's like the iPhone. I am a mom of three teenagers. I am a past special education teacher; and I did that for a lot of years, and I did it remotely. I like to say I was the first Zoom teacher because it was back like in 2014; I taught the homeschool population through a Zoom in our local school district. 

And then through that, I discovered life coaching and I discovered the opportunity to be able to help people in ways that I've always wanted to be. Long story short, as I always thought I'd be a counselor, I'm not; I'm a school-- I was a school teacher. 

So, then I became a Certified Life Coach; and I currently help women that are in the middle of like motherhood and business, and I just really help them with time and productivity and strategy and, as you mentioned, like priorities…and just really simplifying our time so that we can get done what truly matters. 

So, at the end of the day, you know, we feel really fulfilled rather than, 'I did all these things and I don't really feel like I got anything done', which is, I think a lot of moms we say that…like, 'I worked hard every day, but what did I get done?' And so, I help them know what they're doing with intention and strategy.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love that because I feel like a lot of moms that listen to my podcast – or that I engage with – talk a lot about like purpose…like not really feeling like there's a purpose, right? Like we just do every day or we're doing the same old thing over and over and over and over again without a lot of intentionality, without really any purpose behind it. 

And then, like you said, like not necessarily feeling fulfilled at the end of the day. So, I love that, that you help them, kind of, at the end of the day, be like, 'Okay, I got done what matters most, yes.

 

How to identify your personal priorities and align them with your life

Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, let's dig into that; how do you help people uncover priorities? Like if you were, you know, doing a workshop for everyone that's listening to the podcast episode right now, how would you help them uncover what their priorities really are?

 

Ceri Payne: So, I just have them start out by writing their top five priorities. And when we say priorities, they're in kind of like some bigger categories such as, but they're not limited to, but like health or like parenting or motherhood relationships, spirituality, growing your business…like big bigger general areas, right? 

Then what I have them do…a couple of other things down the road, like, how do you spend your time every day? And then they compare those two lists. 

And what I have found most often is the thing that's missing off of like their priority list versus how they spend their time every day, that's the thing either that they would hire a coach for or that's the thing that they lay in bed at night and go, 'Oh, I need to be working on that one thing.' 

And so, the cool news about this is it's not that it's not happening or that you don't have time, it's just that you haven't made it a priority in your action steps. 

And so, if you really go back and figure out your priorities, then you ask yourself – and, you know, you compare it to that list – you ask yourself, what needs to change, right? 

Your priorities because maybe they aren't in the right order, not that there's an order, but maybe they're not the right ones that you need for you…or, do you need to change the way you spend your time? 

And most of the time, it's the way we spend our time because we really do like that thing; it's a priority. And so, once you define those, then I walk them through a bunch of, it's a series of Whys and questions. 

It's very simple, but it's also, as you've seen it, it's also very like powerful, but allows them to just figure out why do they want that thing to be a priority. 

And so, I use an example of health quite often just because I think it's easy and it resonates, but we could say that we want health to be a priority. And, you know, you might have an autoimmune disease and struggle with flexibility, so your health is going to be a different journey than, let's say, if I wanted to lose like 50 pounds, right? 

Our action steps are going to be what's very different. And so, I think it's not only knowing your priorities, it's important, but it's the result you want from making that thing a priority. 

Because if I just say, "Oh, I'm going to make health a priority"…well, then we could be doing anything. But if we know the result – like it's to lose weight or to be more flexible or to control an autoimmune disease better or something like that – our action steps are going to be very different. And so, I think that's really the key of simplifying anything is to really know the result that you want from that thing being a priority.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. It's like Stephen Covey that says, Begin with the End in Mind, right? 

 

Ceri Payne: Yes. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, looking at the end and then deciding, then mapping that out, like, 'What does that look for me right now?' 

And I also like what you said about comparing like, how am I actually spending my time? Because I've seen this a lot of my clients too, they're like, 'Well, my priority is like my relationship with my husband, and maybe it's like my kids, and maybe it's my health or whatever.' They have their priorities, and they kind of list them down. 

But then, like, how are you actually spending your time? Well, I'm watching Netflix or I am running around my kids to school and then I do this activity with them and I'm coaching this thing for them. 

And like there's-- You just get so busy doing all of these other things, which can be good things…but when it's not lining up with your priorities and that's all you're doing, you're probably going to get to the end of your day and be like, not feeling fulfilled still.

 

How to do more by taking on less

Ceri Payne: Because deep down, I think our brain, our body knows like a priority, let's say, with a spouse. And we know-- When I walk you through-- I've done this so many times, I know the cheat; and the cheat is, it's usually to build a connection of some sort. We may say it a different way. 

So, then if you are doing all these other things, as you mentioned, but you're not feeling connected to your spouse or you're not doing things with intention to connect, no matter what you did that day, as you go to bed each night…if you're feeling like, 'Oh, we're just so disconnected, we don't do anything, we don't spend time together', like all those other things were not important because the void or the priority that your brain and body really want is missing. 

And so that's why it's really-- When I walk you through the steps, it really like, like I said, the cheat sheet is usually about connection when we're talking about people. And so, now it's like not about coaching on this team or it's not about this date night, per se; it's about, what can we do together that brings connection?'

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah, I love that because I think, I mean, all I talk about is connection-based parenting…so connection's obviously my favorite topic ever. 

But I think that we think it's like all about like spending this much time with our kids or like playing this game with them, or spending time with our partner or whatever that is; and then we don't feel connected because we're just doing it out of like obligation or we have to, or checking this box off instead of creating thoughts and feelings that lead to that, you know, connection…instead of really focusing on that connection. 

I think focus and connection are connected, right? If we're spending time with somebody, and we're not like intentional and there and present…then it doesn't matter how much time we're spending them, we're not going to feel connected to them. Right?

 

Ceri Payne: And a lot of times, the action steps don't really change; It's that awareness, the mindset…again, the focus, the intention. Like a lot of my clients are like, 'Oh, I'm not very connected with my children'…let's say, but they're putting them to bed every night, reading them a story. 

Maybe they're having family dinners, maybe they go on a family date night once a month or something like that; and I'm like, 'There you go.' 

And so, it's not that they have to change their action steps, right? I actually usually create less things on their to-do list as a Time and Productivity Coach, but they think I'm going to give them more. 

But we do less with the intention of, 'Oh, I eat dinner with the intention of connecting with my family.' So, then we just maybe say, let's put the screens away or I do like a Would You Rather question jar…you know, like, so then they could ask their kids questions or, you know, things like that. 

And so, again, if it's an intention and an awareness of what you're already doing that bring that thing, then you're not doing more, you're actually doing less with more awareness.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hey, I love that because I totally agree. Like I tell people, they're like, 'Well, I've played Candy Land with my kid', or 'I had a conversation with my teen'; and I'm like, 'Did you feel connected?' 

And they're like, 'No, I just did it because I felt like, Oh, I should talk to them today…or like, I should play Candy Land.' Right? But it's not coming from a feeling of connection. And when you are focusing more on that connection, like you might not actually play Candy Land, like you might do something else. 

You might just sit there and chat with them, or you might just smile at them. You might listen to them while they talk about something they're interested in. Like it's going to be so much more natural if you know like the Why behind it…you're like, 'Okay, I'm looking for connection, how could I feel connected here?' 

And I think connection fits in-- You know, we can have thoughts that lead to connection…and we can have feelings that are, you know, based in connection. And I think that it comes so much more naturally when we know that Why.

 

Ceri coaches me through my priority of health and helps me uncover my Why

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I think it would be helpful for my audience if we kind of go through a sample of just like, I'm going to tell you what my priority is…I'll give you one of my five, and can kind of walk through this, what you would do with a client so that people can kind of learn how to do this on their own.

 

Ceri Payne: All right, let's do it.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. So, I have lots of priorities. I'm trying to think-- I think that the easiest example one would be health. 

 

Ceri Payne: Okay. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, health would kind of be the overarching priority.

 

Ceri Payne: Okay. So, then I would ask yourself, why do you want to make health a priority?

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: When I am hiking with my kids, I'm always at the very end of the line of people going up the mountain and I feel like I'm going to die. So, one reason would be I love to adventure, and I want to be able to adventure with my family and feel like it's not so hard.

 

Ceri Payne: Okay.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I think the other big one would be that I love to speak – and speak at retreats – and like, I don't know, be out there in the world doing my business and sharing this work; and I want to be doing it for a really long time. And I think that I need a healthy mind and a healthy body in order to fulfill that purpose.

 

Ceri Payne: Okay. I love that. Those are great. And so, now the question I have, I'm going to bring you back up to the first one. And so, because this is what I want to show them is when I ask you Why, I see it's not like a toddler, like, 'Why, why?' You know, like sometimes they do that in the, you know, Mental Health world or the Coaching world is just to ask Why. 

But I really want you to restate what you said, and ask Why. So, the question is, why do you not want to be at the back of the line or why do you feel like you can't be adventurous at the back?

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I think I could at the back, but I think it sometimes limits me from what I can do. Like I would love to hike like Rim-to-Rim, Grand Canyon or like there's a hike around where we live right now called Crypt. 

And I would love to do that. My son and my husband are going to do that, but I just know that I couldn't, like; it's too long, it's too hard. It's like a hard level on AllTrails. I don't know if you guys love AllTrails, I love AllTrails. 

I only do easy and moderate, and I do like 12K or less, which is like, I don't know, eight miles or something. And so, I would love to increase my capacity even if I was at the back, that it wouldn't be like slowing everybody down and that I'd be able to-- It just wouldn't limit what I want to do if we travel a place and I'm like, 'Oh, I really wanted to see this really cool waterfall that's like 20 miles away,' that I could do that.

 

Ceri Payne: Okay. And you've kind of answered it, but I really want to just ask it again just so you can…just so the listeners can hear like what it would go, how it would sound, I guess. But I would then say, why do you want to increase your capacity or why do you not want to have limits on your health?

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Because I want to be able to do whatever I want to do when I want to do it. So, if I decided I want to go see this amazing waterfall in the middle of like Belize or something and we're traveling there, that I could do it instead of thinking like, 'Oh, we can't go see that thing because I don't think my body can handle it.'

 

Ceri Payne: Okay. And so, then the next question I have is, why do you want to do-- I guess, it's back to the limit. So, why do you want to do whatever you want?

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love adventuring, but I specifically love adventuring with my family. Like I love seeing new places but I love seeing new places with them. 

And so, it probably does go back to connection because that's one of the ways that we really connect together is when we're out adventuring and if they all have to go do it themselves, will I just like sit in the hotel room? I don't want that to ha happen because like my knees are too sore, my lungs are too sore or whatever.

 

Ceri Payne: Okay. So yeah. So, it sounds like something along the lines of your thought would be like, I want to make health a priority so that I can always not have limits around my ability to connect with my family.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Mm-Hmm.

 

Ceri Payne: Right? And so, now, then we would say, okay, what is that going to look like for you? Right? Because it's going to be very different for an active family and a family that can, you know, hike the Grand Canyon Rim-to-Rim versus another family that's maybe like, we just enjoy our family walks, you know, 30 minutes around the neighborhood. 

They get to connect or not have that limit put on themselves. And so, now this is where, you know, the end in mind, it's not that you don't want to be last. And the reason I ask that – and if I can just do a little segue – is we don't want our priority reasons to be based from shoulds, right? 

Like as good mom should do this thing or a good person that's taking care of their body should do this thing. We don't want to be fear-based. There's a little bit of a fear in you about like, but if I can't do these things, I'm not going to be connected with my family. Right? 

And so, that's why I kind of pulled you back a little bit more to feel like it's the limits. Like you want to feel free, you want to be able to feel like you can do the things with your family.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Shouldn't too is like, 'I shouldn't be at the back of the line,' like I should not. 

 

Ceri Payne: Exactly. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I am every single time, like even behind my six-year-old; and like, I feel like I should not feel like it's so hard.

 

Ceri Payne: Yes. And so, if we had a longer time to coach, that's definitely what we would be pulling on is like, because that's why I asked you like, why can't you adventure at the back of the line? Like someone has to be last. Is there adventure any less than the person at the first and the person at the last? 

I mean, it's all in our mind, right, about what we believe about that adventure. So, notice like as you pulled some of those out, it's more about limitless. Right? 

And so, the other thing I have is like a lack of. So, when I say 'A lack', it could be like, because lots of times it's like our moms didn't do this thing with us, whatever it was. And so, we want to do it for our kids to make up for the lack that we didn't have. Right? 

And so, just make sure, it doesn't mean that you can't still make those things a priority, but just not from a lack, not because like my mom didn't do it with us. Or lots of my clients have really busy spouses or partners, and so they want to make up for a lack of that partner not being around. 

And I like to tell them, we can't make up for that. So, like, if you want to go to your kids' soccer game or whatever because you want to go into support them…go, but you can't go and support them for a lack of your husband not being there because no matter what, at the end of the day, we can't make up for him not being there. Right? The kids get to think whatever they want; and they may think, 'My mom is amazing and came and my dad's a dud,' or whatever.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.

 

Ceri Payne: Or they may not even notice that either happened, right, that you came or not came. So, we just-- We can't make our priorities on shoulds, fears, or a lack of, or to make up for someone's lack or are perceived lack. 

And so, that's why some of those things, if you go back and listen to this, you can kind of see where there's a little bit of fears, a little bit of shoulds…a lack, right? 

'I lack the ability to connect from the back', you know, and all of those kind of things…rather than, 'I want to have the ability to connect with my family with limitless physical activity,' or something like that nature.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. I want it to not be so hard on my body. 

 

Ceri Payne: Okay.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I'm like, hey-- So, I'm like, I think I can wrap my head around like, yeah, no, I can enjoy it even if I'm at the back…and like I can enjoy it, I can connect with them anyways, and we can connect in lots of different ways, but I do think like it shouldn't be so hard to hike. Like I shouldn't feel like I'm dying every time. I should like-- I think part of it--  

 

Ceri Payne: No, instead of the should-- Yeah. Sorry. I'm saying, sorry, I totally cut you off. Instead of the should, you can just say your priority is, I want it to feel easier when I hike.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yes, yes, yes. 

 

Ceri Payne: Right? 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Mm-hmm.

 

Ceri Payne: Because you realize it doesn't have to be easier. Like it should-- It doesn't-- The should is gone, but you could just want it; and wanting something is a big enough reason to have something be a priority.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.

 

Ceri Payne: Right? And so, now, you actually can physically go in and look at those action steps. If it truly was, and if we had more time, we'd figure out…what else do you want to do with your family and around your health, and dah dah dah? 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Right. 

 

Ceri Payne: But let's just pretend superficially, it's just about hiking…then you could go read a book or listen to a podcast or an article about like how to increase your ability to hike without it hurting or to…like, what are some lung capacity stuff? 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.

 

Ceri Payne: What are some incline things? Like you can really dial in your action steps so you're not doing "all the things" because we don't even know what that is to get, like become a better hiker. Or maybe it's just like, I'm going to be, I'm going to do inclines on a treadmill twice a week at a really high incline to help me. So, it's not even about hiking, right? Like your action can be something different. 

So, when you really know what it's purpose is, to hike with less physical energy or less physical exhaustion, then you know exactly what to be looking up or what actions to schedule in to make that less…to make it easier for you to be a hiker.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. I love that because it's something I've never just like thought to Google. I'm just like, 'I don't know, I guess I'll just exercise daily doing whatever and I just kind of like pick something.' 

But I think it would be helpful. Like I love this idea of it being like, what's the Why…and then also just like getting more specific about those things because then you can specifically create those action items around it.

 

Ceri Payne: Yes. And like, I'm sure, you know, because even like runners, I'm not a runner anymore, but they're-- I never got super competitive, but what I want to say is there's days where they have off days or days where they have lifting days, there's days where they have like stretching and like more of a yoga day and functional dynamic movements. 

And if you are just being a runner, you might not realize like, we can't maybe get faster or we can't get better or easier if we're not more mobile…if we're not doing dynamic movements or if we're not doing speed runs or if we're not doing like uphill incline.

There's just so much to it and not that I'm trying to overcomplicate it, I just want to help you like realize you can actually simplify it when you know exactly what it is you want to do. And if it's to run faster or to hike without being so out of breath, like you know exactly now what to Google or what to ask your friends that do it…like, how did it become easier for you?

 

How to double-dip/ triple-dip your priorities

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. I love that. And I think a follow-up question would be…when we're kind of aligning our priorities and we're like, 'Okay, now we have all these priorities,' sometimes it can feel like now we have a lot to do. 

And in my practice, we talk all about simplifying and minimalism in our brain, in our home, in our relationships, doing less…and that you actually get more done when you take less off your plate.

So, if you're like, 'Okay, I have these five priorities and underneath these five priorities, now I have like, you know, health, I have like hiking, and I also have like being able to like move around easily or whatever…like now I'm going to have a lot.' 

 

Ceri Payne: Uh-huh. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: To me, now I feel like, 'Okay, now I have this full list of things…now what?'

 

Ceri Payne: So, the way I simplify it is I like to say is now you can double-dip or even triple-dip; and I'm not talking about chips and salsa. So, for example, you mentioned that connection with your kids is something that you like to do. You also mentioned that your family likes to hike, right? And let's pretend like you like to eat really good, fun, healthy meals out in nature, right, that's the way--

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: I do.

 

Ceri Payne: Right? Okay. So, we don't even have to pretend. So, now, what's happening is you are triple-dipping three different priorities, right? Eating healthy if that's like, you know, taking care of yourself; being out with your family in nature, that's a connection; and then working on hiking or working on a hiking skill. 

And so, when we-- Again, it's the intention then you're like, 'Oh, most of us do one activity and it hits three, two or three different priorities when we're intentional about it.' Right?

Like a nighttime routine might help you keep your nighttime routine, which is a nighttime routine that you want so you can get up early, but if you put your kids to bed at a certain time, right? So, when I say nighttime routine, I meant theirs. 

And so, reading a book is now about connecting and about getting them to bed at a, you know, the hour that you want so that then you can get to bed the hour that you want. Well, then, you're double-dipping your priorities. 

And so, we can't double- and triple-dip unless we know exactly what those action steps are and what those priorities are. So, basically, what you're saying is you have this big long list, but if you're doing two or three at the same time with the awareness and the intention, then your list actually is cut in half.

 

How to avoid connecting self-worth to productivity

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. I love that. Yeah. I think that that idea of like, just like mixing it all together so that we actually are doing less, we only need to focus on a few things and we can have, because I love having just that open chunks of time for other things to come and go instead of like filling up our calendar. 

I meet a lot of people who just have their calendar full from like the moment they wake up or even before they wake up to like, after they go to bed. It's just like go, go, go, go, go. 

And before we started recording, Ceri and I were talking about this whole concept of that women often tie their self-worth to productivity. So, like, now, that we have these priorities and I have all these checklists, now I have to get all these checklist things done so that I can feel better about myself. Right? So, how do you help people with that?

 

Ceri Payne: Well, I mean, that is like in itself, I would ask them, what do they feel about productivity? Like if you feel-- If you did a lot-- Maybe even define what productivity is for you. Right? And then sometimes maybe we go, 'Okay, what's the opposite of productivity?' Right? And they may say, lazy or directionless or something like that. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. 

 

Ceri Payne: And then sometimes I even have them say, "Okay, I want you to think about someone that you think doesn't have a lot of productivity or somebody that you feel is kind of lazy." 

And then we sort of talk about them not in that way, right, but just like uncovering what they think about lazy or what they think about being unproductive because then that is the driver to make them think they need to go, go, go, go, go…do, do, do, do, do. Right? 

And so, that's where I would start is allowing them to be like-- Productivity, I like to say like even when we sleep…we think we need sleep, we do need sleep, we enjoy sleep. It's the most, let's say, unproductive thing you could do action-wise. 

Like if I was to watch you physically like a verb, you know? You're not doing anything – but without that sleep, you wouldn't be doing anything that you're doing during the day. 

And so, it's just really giving them a different mindset, a different awareness, a different way to think about productivity. And that productivity isn't about go, go, go and do, do, do; productivity is about how you feel at the end of the day. 

So, I like to have them create white space on their schedule and I have different ways with the unplanned hour and Plan B and all these different tips that we can put in so it isn't always scheduled…go, go, go, do, do, do. Because even if you got it all done, at the end of the day, if you don't feel fulfilled, then it doesn't feel like you were very productive, even when maybe and truly we are. Right? We're doing a lot as women.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. And I think I love what you said about creating white space because I really talk about helping people create stillness in their schedule so that they have time for just like being still and just being calm and being present.

Because it's during those times that it really helps us to lean into that, lean into that self-worth and lean into like loving ourselves…and just getting to know ourselves and connecting – like you said, connection is so important. Connection with ourselves instead of just constantly connecting with other people. 

And one thing I want to really point out too is like, self-worth is never connected to productivity. Like, there's never any amount of things that you'll get done or you won't get done that will make you finally feel good about you; you have to start at the premise of like, feeling good about you first. 

 

How to go to bed at night feeling fulfilled and connected

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I love what you're talking about with this idea of fulfillment. Like we get to choose if we're feeling fulfilled at the end of the day, even if all we did was rest, right? Like when we're sick, we're not like feeling so bad about like, 'Oh dang it, like I didn't go on a 5K run today.' Like, no, we don't expect that of ourselves because we know that that's what our body needs. 

So, I think when we take time for that stillness, we can tune into like…what do I really need? What are truly my priorities? And when I think of a priority, I think like what matters most to me, like what is it that matters most? And whenever I can ask myself that question, it really helps me recenter to how I'm feeling.

 

Ceri Payne: I love it. Yep. You're dead on.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, thank you. Thank you, Ceri, for all of these tips. I love like switching it up so that you helped me through my health thing because I've always had in the back of my mind like, 'Oh yeah, health, that's a priority one day, eventually.' 

And then learning, you know, why…why is it a priority? And now, I feel like, 'Okay, now I do have some action steps.' I'm actually going to go and Google that. Like, what do I need to do daily? And then, I can put that in my calendar with a lot of extra white space in between. So, I'm not constantly doing all the things that we sometimes get our plates too full with.

 

Ceri Payne: I love how you mentioned white space or even like meditation or like stillness because a lot of the clients I work with are very productive; they're very more of that, they want to get more done more…versus like, I'm not getting enough done. I mean, that's what they think, but it's just they want to get more. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. 

 

Ceri Payne: So, I do something that I call like the unplanned hour. But what it is is that it allows you to have the white space so that you can just focus on what you need to focus on at that time so that your brain, even though it might not be still because you're focusing on that thing, it allows your brain to be still-er because it's not focusing on two things. 

So, for example, let's say you had planned that you're going to do something from 11:00 to 12:00, right? Let's say it was work in your business if you're an entrepreneur and then the school calls and says your kid is sick and you need to go get them; and it's like 11:02 when they call, right?

So, we create white space but also it creates white space in our mind that when, let's say, if your white space is from 2:00 to 3:00 in the afternoon, then you can just go, 'Okay, I can deal with my kid, I can go pick them up and take care of them and all their needs…and whatever I was going to do at 11:00 to 12:00, whatever it was, I can just move it to 1:00 to 2:00.'

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Mm-Hmm

 

Ceri Payne: And so, where that also creates what I call white space is that your brain isn't going, 'I'm not going to get it all done, where am I going to do it? I got to take care of my kid. I hope he's not super sick.' And you know, like going back and forth. 

It allows you to go, 'Okay, all the other stuff can go away and I can focus on getting the kid what they need, whether it's a medicine or a special lunch or something…and then once the kid is settled and taken care of, then it from 1:00 to 2:00, I can work on what I was going to do from 11:00 to 12:00. 

So, I like to say that's a way to also create some white space and to create some stillness because some people haven't quite yet gotten to the, I don't have an hour to be still or even 30 minutes to be still. 

But if we can like still or calm the amount of things going through our head, we will maybe not even need as much stillness because we're focusing very intentionally on the things we're doing at hand.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. I think two more things that I feel like really helps stillness, and then we have to-- then we have to wrap up because we're going a little bit over time, but this has been such a good conversation.

But I think one is like creating stillness first thing in the morning…like when your brain's just like starting to settle, right? Having time to actually be still; to meditate, to ponder, to journal, to just be calm, to not do anything. 

And then, also, just like finding time for stillness throughout the day. Like it doesn't have to be, like you said, a half an hour, an hour; it can just be like pausing in between tasks and taking a few deep breaths.

 

Ceri Payne: Yes. 

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: It can just be really being intentional about whatever you're doing. You're like making cookies, like, Oh, how does this smell? What does it look like? Like what am I doing here? Right? Just like focusing on that stillness. 

And I'll add in a bonus one, just like put less on your calendar. Like especially if you're someone who's like, 'I want to get more done,' you'll get more done if you put less on there. 

 

Ceri Payne: Exactly.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: And you'll feel more productive and you'll feel more fulfilled. Because I think we just, you know, are so in this-- We're in this busy culture of like feeling like we have to fill our whole schedule and that can really affect a level of connection with the people around us and our level of connection with ourselves.

 

Ceri Payne: And even our schedule, right? Like if it's so overpacked and you wake up in the morning and you're just like feeling dread and you're feeling behind and you're feeling like, 'I'm never going to get all this done,' that is a connection with your schedule, that's a connection with your day.

And so, I too, am very about simplicity and scheduling less to get more done because when you wake up, you're excited about your schedule; and if you're not, then let's talk. But I want you to feel like your schedule's motivating you, empowering you, making you feel excited to do those things each day. 

And so, if your schedule is not, then you're creating a connection or a disconnect from your day, from your list, from yourself…even, you know, before the day starts.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah, before the day starts. Okay. Thank you. This has been so helpful. So, I think in summation it's like, let's uncover your priorities, uncover your Why, take more time for stillness and space…and you'll actually get more done if you allow yourself to do less, if you allow yourself to take more time for space. And if you really align with your priorities, you'll get to the end of the day feeling fulfilled, probably feeling more peaceful and feeling more rested. 

 

How to connect with Ceri Payne

Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, thank you for coming on the podcast, and do you want to just share with us quickly how people can connect with you?

 

Ceri Payne: I am over on Instagram, so it's Ceri Payne Coaching, it's C-E-R-I; and then also my website is the same, Ceri Payne Coaching. So, you can come find me and connect with me over there.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Awesome. I will also put those in the show notes. Thanks so much for coming on, Ceri.

 

Ceri Payne: Thanks for having me.

 

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Thanks for listening. If you'd like to help spread this work to the world, share this episode on social media and tag me, send it to a friend, or leave a quick rating and review below so more people can find me. If you'd like more guidance on your own parenting journey, reach out.