S05|16 - Parenting LGBTQ Kids with Allison Dayton (Lift and Love)
Oct 31, 2022Allison Dayton is the founder of the Lift and Love Foundation, which she created to support families with LGBTQ members. Allison lost her brother, who was gay, to suicide at the same time her 17-year-old son was coming out. Looking for resources to help her family she couldn’t find anything that embraced both her religious beliefs and her son’s identity. Lift and Love fills that much needed space for thousands of families and individuals. Allison and her husband Kenn live in Salt Lake City, Utah, where they are thrilled to watch their grown children create exciting lives and families of their own.
Website: liftandlove.org
Insta: @liftandloveorg
In our conversation today you’ll hear:
- Allison’s story of how she got into this work (bring some tissues!)
- How to become a supportive ally for your own kids and everyone else too
- What being a safe space means and how to become that space for LGBTQ family and friends
- How to parent LGBTQ kids while maintaining your own values and ideals- especially if you come from a conservative religious background
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Episode Transcript
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hi, I'm Crystal The Parenting Coach. Parenting is the thing that some of us just expected to know how to do. It's not like other areas of your life where you go to school to be taught, get on the job training, or have mentors to help you learn. Now, you can get that help here.
I believe that your relationship with your children is one of the most important aspects of your life, and the best way that you can make a positive impact on the world and on the future. I've made parental relationships my life study, and use life coaching tools with connection-based parenting to build amazing relationships between parents and their children.
If you want an even better relationship with your child, this podcast will help you. Take my Parenting Quiz, the link is in the show notes. Once we know what your parenting style is, I'll give you some tips tailored to you and a roadmap to help you get the most out of my podcast. I invite you to help me spread the word by sharing your favorite episode on social media or with a friend.
Welcome to today's podcast episode, Parenting LGBTQ Kids with Allison Dayton from Lift and Love.
Allison’s story of how she got into this work (bring some tissues!)
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Allison Dayton is the founder of the Lift and Love Foundation, which she created to support families with LGBTQ members. Allison lost her brother, who was gay, to suicide at the same time her 17-year-old son was coming out. Looking for resources to help her family she couldn’t find anything that embraced both her religious beliefs and her son’s identity. Lift and Love fills that much needed space for thousands of families and individuals. Allison and her husband, Kenn, live in Salt Lake City, Utah, where they are thrilled to watch their grown children create exciting lives and families of their own.
Hello, Allison, welcome to the podcast today.
Allison Dayton: Ooh, thank you for having me. It's so great to be here.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: It is-- So, I'm really looking forward to this. You do important work too. I'm like, yes, this is-- Oh, this is going to be so good. I have wanted to have this conversation for a long time because I've had a lot of clients who've had kids that are LGBTQ--
I think everybody either has kids or friends of kids or family members or whatever, and there is some great resources available, but sometimes we don't know about them.
And so, I wanted to bring Allison onto the show today so that she can talk all about it, and give us some really fabulous resources. So, why don't you tell us a little bit about you, what you do, and also just a little bit of your backstory – how you got into doing this.
Allison Dayton: Okay. Well, I'll tell you; I have an organization for LGBTQ families…and by that, I mean that somebody in the family is LGBTQ. And, it's faith-based. Primarily, we focus on members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which is my background.
But we also work with a lot of families in any number of religious denominations because there's not a lot of people doing the parenting work with LGBTQ, for LGBTQ parents – parents of LGBTQ children. So, we kind of run the board there. But I started--
The reason I am doing this is because I grew up in a family with an LGBTQ member. My eldest brother was gay, and he was my most favorite sibling; I hope the rest, the other three don't hear it.
But he and I were really close, very similar; and I adored him. He was creative and fun and big personality, and in a lot of pain for almost all of his life. He was in-- He came out to my parents at 13, in 1973.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Wow.
Allison Dayton: Yeah. And I knew he was gay by the time-- Let's see, I was in mid high school, and he was kind of out to the world as a 24-year-old, which was about the same time I figured it out. And his life was full of potential and pain; and when he was about 58, he took his own life, which was so hard for our family.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: That's so hard.
Allison Dayton: But he had been in a lot of pain. The bigger conflict, for me-- The biggest conflict for me actually, was that I knew my son was gay by then; and he hadn't come out to us and he hadn't come out to the world. But here, I had this really tragic end to my brother's life – my beautiful brother's life – and I had this child that I did not want to have the same experience.
So, once he came out, I was just all in, supportive. In fact, before he came out, I started kind of looking around to where I could put my energy, this energy I had from losing this brother. And I couldn't find anything; I couldn't find anything that felt like it would be helpful for me. So, I started Lift and Love with the idea that we could be helpful for other people. So, that's--
Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love the idea of creating something so beautiful from something so tragic.
Allison Dayton: Yeah.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And also, something so life-changing and supportive where you were like, "This is missing there, this isn't here…and now, I'm going to make this my life's work for my family." I love that.
Allison Dayton: Well, I didn't mean to, but I often say I feel my brother pushing me all the time like, 'You need to do this.' And, and I think it's important. We as family members, just, we don't know how to work in this space…there's not a lot of help.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.
Allison Dayton: So, you know, but there's easy ways to be really healthy in it.
What being a safe space means and how to become that space for LGBTQ family and friends
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. So, I would love to dig into that. But my first question, because I've just-- I often think this, I think, how can we be a better ally? How can we show people that we are allies? What does it mean to be an ally? How can we create that safe space for our kids, even before it comes to the point where our kids maybe come out to us or maybe our kids' friends or whatever, how do we preliminarily make us just a safe space?
Allison Dayton: Okay. So, when we say safe space, think about, so we're trying to raise and love, so raise our own children and love others, other people's children in ways that help them feel like they are just fantastic divine people.
And so, anything that would take away from the idea that would leave kind of a feeling on them that they are not remarkable, amazing, worthy lovely people is unsafe for them. Right? Because it's going to undermine who they think they are and who they'll become, if they're having to kind of challenge – if they're feeling challenged for who they're.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.
Allison Dayton: So, how do we create that safe space where they will know their worthiness? And, we do that by protecting them from messages.
So, one of the things we want to do is if somebody's making a joke about gay people or Trans people, we want to carefully say, "Hey, that might be really painful for somebody."
We want to say-- We want to support-- Studies show that for children, the most important is – for Trans children, the most important thing for them, for them to feel safe is people using the name and the pronouns that they are asking to be known by.
And those are really hard things, especially for parents who spent all that time waiting to find out what sex their baby was – and like they came up with a name before and it was such, you know, it was like a family name…all of these things are really hard, you have to mourn the loss of those.
But studies show that these children are, I think, four times safer from self-harm and suicidality if their pronouns and names are respected. So, that's a great way to be safe with LGBTQ children.
And the other is just to kind of make sure that they aren't getting a message, that there's something wrong with them.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.
Allison Dayton: And there's a lot of messages that say there's something wrong with an LGBTQ person. And unfortunately, it's even kind of ramped up in the last couple years.
I see a lot more information on TV news reports that are really, really harsh and make kids feel like they aren't important or that they've made this up; and it's kind of teaching people to think that way.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.
Allison Dayton: When studies show there's not a single reliable study that shows that you can change your sexual orientation. So, we want to believe kids, we want to believe that--
Crystal The Parenting Coach: I think what's interesting about that too is that it's like…it's media, it's culture – it's all these voices that they're hearing, that they're seeing. And so, it's almost like this idea of being an ally is really being a shelter from that – is like, 'We can see this onslaught in this storm here and in our home and in our family…and for me as a person, I'm going to choose to be a safe space.'
And when you said all of those things, I was thinking like, this fits in line so well with connection-based parenting. Because if you want to have a healthy relationship with your kids, it's really including them and accepting them and loving them no matter what they are – no matter developmentally where they are, no matter what diagnosis they may or may not have, no matter what personality they may or may not have.
Like, we think they might have one, and really they have another. Like, it's just allowing that really emotional and physical safety and security to be really abounding in our home. I think that really sets the stage for it.
Allison Dayton: Exactly. Yeah. And rather than saying, "Well, you can't feel this way"… say, "Gosh, why are you questioning your gender?" Or "Why are you saying that you aren't--" You know, if your little boy, like, "Oh, that's interesting that you say that you might be a little girl, what makes you feel that way?"
And ask questions. Questions are safe, questions are-- You know, then we're learning more and we're understanding where they're coming from. And they might be coming from a place that doesn't really have anything to do with gender; it more has to do with roles.
And we can talk to kids who might say that they feel attracted to someone of the same sex and ask them questions. What does that feel like? Does it mean you want to marry someone?
"No, I dislike being with them more."
Okay, that's different than-- You know, there's no need for fear. There's a need to get more information, and just to allow those kinds of questions and feelings to come. If they're real, they'll be pervasive and consistent. If they're not, they'll come and they'll go just like everything else a child is--
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Isn't it funny because I just had a conversation with my daughter about this at the other day because she's just like, "Well, I really want to marry you." "Okay, well, you can't…you know, I'm already married."
"Well, I can marry dad."
"No, you can't."
Okay. Well then, you know, of course she wants to marry her brother because he's her best friend.
And they were like, "Well, neither of us are married to anybody else so we can." Right?
Allison Dayton: Wait until she's 14 and she's like, yeah, no.
Exploration versus Orientation
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Right. There's no way she-- she's older, right? So, I think a lot of it is just this-- And it is developmentally appropriate for kids to like, love and feel that attachment for their family members. Like, that's awesome.
And so, I love the idea of like, it will just keep coming back. It'll be this pervasive thing; it's not just going to like--
Allison Dayton: It's pervasive.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: -you know, come and go…unless it stays, then it stays for a reason. So, at that point, I know you talk a little bit about exploration versus orientation. Will you tell us a little bit more about that?
Allison Dayton: Well, I think that's what it is. I think we put a moral-- We put moral fear into gender and sexuality, right? If a kid says, "Oh, I'm attracted to someone of the same sex," all of a sudden, we're like in panic. We've all been through that. And, psychologists will tell you that most kids go through some sort of feelings about people of the same sex.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. Like questioning and wondering.
Allison Dayton: Yeah. We've got very strict gender guidelines, particularly, in our – and they're going to be different for every society or community, but we've got very strict guidelines, so they just kick in against those.
So, there's these questions; and again, there's exploration and there's nothing wrong with it – especially if you have good guidelines, good moral guidelines. Like you can try figure out who you are.
We have these rules about not having sex before you're married, or not having sex until – you know, whatever your personal family goals are or morals are, you can still work around those and let children explore who they are.
There's this idea that we're going to make kids gay – or we're going to, we're going to talk them into being a different gender…I've never seen it work in the reverse. If you can't make a gay kid straight, it's pretty unlike you're going to make a straight kid gay. Right?
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. Yeah.
Allison Dayton: I mean, it's kind of laughable when you look at it. And there's been so much damage to kids trying to make them straight, including my brother. Let's put away those silly ideas and just listen to our children and figure out who they are and figure out what they're telling us…and just listen for those things.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I think let them listen to who they are too. Like, if we have that connected relationship with our kids and they really believe that they're allowed to be whoever they want to be – that their personal is okay, that their moods are okay, that their emotions are accepted, that everything about them is accepted – it would just naturally fall that that this part about them would also be accepted.
Allison Dayton: Yeah. And let's just trust biology that, at some point, biology's going to kick in and it's going to-- You know, those, those things that drive us are going to kick in and they're going to be more powerful than any ideas.
For most kids-- And most parents-- I'll tell you, most parents, when they're really in tune with their children, they see gender issues or orientation issues before even the child does.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just was chatting with a mom whose child is Trans, and she was talking about the transition and how things were going, and they have this great relationship; and she said, "I've always known."
She's like-- It was like-- It was almost like when he was little, she just could feel these things. She could just-- And I really feel like that's also speaks strongly to another topic that I talk about often, which is our parental intuition; that we have this intuition, and that we can just tap into that.
I know that we have these fears and insecurities and worries about like, 'Well, how do I parent them, and do I have to change all of my parenting styles? Do I not know what I'm doing now that I'm parenting an LGBTQ child?' Or just tapping into that – that feeling of trust and of knowing that's inside of ourselves so that we can, that we know how to respond.
Allison Dayton: Totally. And I think that's super important because a lot of times, I encounter parents who are like deer in the headlights, I don't know what to do. Especially if they come from a strong moral community or religion – like a very conservative religion – they have no idea what to do because their child is inherently against sort of the ideas in a community or in a religion.
And that is a hard place for a parent because you really have to, it's just you and your intuition – your higher power – or you and God working it out. You have to leave the other ideas behind because you have to do what's best for your child and when you can say, "I'm going to listen to my intuition, I'm going to listen to the child," you're going to make really healthy decisions.
And likely, they'll be really close to in-line with community and religion, but they might be a little different. And that's the role of parenting an LGBTQ child in 2022 because it's just different. It's different.
How to parent LGBTQ kids while maintaining your own values and ideals- especially if you come from a conservative religious background
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hey, I'd love to talk more about that specifically because I've had several clients who have been in this situation where they grew up in a really conservative religion or they're currently very faithfully practicing conservative religions and want to stay within that realm, but also have a hard time figuring out how to parent their kids.
So, let's just imagine, because I know you've probably dealt with this so many times, somebody comes to you and they're like, "Okay, I have this religion, I have these ideas, I have these values…and now I have this child who is gay or trans or whatever." What would you tell them? What are the first steps or the first tools that you would kind of give them to help support them?
Allison Dayton: Well, I think the first tool always with parenting is a relationship with the child, right? If we look at the parenting triangle, the solid base is having an incredible relationship with the child because if you have an adversarial relationship with the child, they aren't going to listen to you.
And by the way, when they get older, they don't really listen anyway. So, you have these years where you can really influence, and you want to be able to stay an influence and have them come back to you for advice.
But if you're not safe, and if everything that they are is you're kind of revolting against, they aren't going to be able to come to you. And then you might want to ask yourself, where are they going to go? And, I think the answers aren't great.
You want your kids to be able to circle back to you. So, the relationship is the number one important.
Then keeping that relationship and the communication, and that tether together.
And then, you have to decide what you think is best for this child. And you can look at your community or religious beliefs and say, "Is this – the ideas that they have for an LGBTQ child – going to be the healthiest way for this child to live?"
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Mm-hmm.
Allison Dayton: And you really have to look at it, just through the eyes of this particular child. Is this going to be healthy for them? And if it is, then great, you can work with those ideals. If it isn't, if you don't believe it will be, then you have to decide…what is going to be the healthiest path?
A lot of religions, sort of, don't, you know, there's no path forward for LGBTQ people. I have really-- For me and for my family, and we teach…it's the same thing.
So, if you have these, you know, you have your religious or your moral I ideals in your family – you have like when they can date, how you talk to them about sex, how you talk to them about your own body…the same rules apply for a straight child, a gay child, or a Trans Non-Binary child. The same rules apply.
And that way-- And frankly, I don't know how you parent different rules with different children, like as far as like having a moral code. Or like in our family, we wait until we're 16 to date, or no sex before marriage or…you know, whatever your rules are, it's when you can get them the same rules apply for every child.
And what that looks like, then you're able to talk to the family about the rules. Right? If you have this one child that doesn't get to fit into these other rules, then you've got a problem anyway – you've got a conflict in the family and how is that child going to feel about your relationship with them, their relationship with their siblings that have different rules, all of those things.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. Yeah, that we do a lot.
Allison Dayton: Yeah. But it can be very easy. The same rules apply.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.
Allison Dayton: We want the same-- We want the same goodness. As for me, for my son, I know that there is goodness in marriage. I know that there is goodness in sacrificing for the other and you become a better person when you put someone else first. And we want that for our son.
There's goodness in sacrifice in having children. I mean, nothing has changed me more than having children, all good ways.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Agreed. Me too.
Allison Dayton: Hard, hard. And my children are all adults, and starting their own lives and families; and it's hard, and it's the making of me. And it was--
You know, you and I have talked about this, but it was the thing that helped cure me of the pain of whatever happened to me as a child in my own relationships with family and siblings. And it's important for our kids. And I want those things for my gay son as much as I want for my kids who are heterosexual. So, we have the same rules apply in our family.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love the idea of like, it doesn't have to be so tricky. Like, you don't have to figure out all of these new parenting rules and all of these new rules for them, but just like it can just be simple…like, 'These are my values, this is what's important to me.' And like, I can teach these in the same way and I can treat them in the same way.
How to become a supportive ally for your own kids and everyone else too
Allison Dayton: Yeah. It makes it so much easier. And then one other thing I would say is, and I borrowed this from Heidi Swapp, who is a famous scrapbooker and a wonderful mom. And she lost her teenage son to suicide. And through the experience, she learned a process. She says, "Don't freak out."
And that's what I would say, when your child comes to you with anything, anything-- And for the matter of this podcast, like saying, "I think I might be-- Hey, I think I might be interested in kids of the same sex," don't freak out. She talks about the first responder.
So, think of yourself, you've just got-- You turned in front of someone and caused a car accident, and it's a bad one. And the first responder, the fireman comes up, what's the first thing he says? He does not say, "What? How could you have turned in front of that car?"
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Totally.
Allison Dayton: "Look at the carnage, all the cars and this traffic and there's blood…and what did you do?" The first thing a fireman says is, "Are you okay? Are you okay? Let's get you to safety. Let's make sure you're okay. Let's make sure that you are-- Can you walk, can you talk? Do I need to get you to the hospital?"
You know, whatever it is, are you okay? That is the first question. And then once somebody's in safety, then you can start asking questions, "Hey, what happened here?" Or, what's going on?
And when you've got this safe relationship with this first responder, you can answer these questions. Right? "Oh, I turned in front of that car." Or, "I don't know what happens, I can't remember."
So, first, there's safety and are you okay?
And the second, like, let's talk about what happened or what's going on here.
And then, the third is to make sure that everything is okay in this situation. And, of course, always to show love. And that's good with neighbors, your friend tells you their child is gay, 'Wow, thanks for sharing that with me. How are you feeling about this? Are you doing well?'
Not like, 'Oh, this is terrible, I'm so sorry.'
But like, how are you doing and how has this changed your family? These are questions you can ask somebody.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hey, this is so helpful because I was in an accident a couple weeks ago, a week and a half ago, and I fell off of a-- I was jumping up onto a hammock and I, you know, anyways, the cord snapped and I landed on my tailbone.
And I thought I had broke my back because my body went into shock and I couldn't move. And anyways, all these things happened. Over the course of time, an ambulance came and I'm lying there for a long time. My older kids were not home. My husband was not home. So, it was a crazy situation.
But as soon as the paramedics arrived, that's exactly what he did. He was like, are you okay? He didn't even ask about anything yet. It was just like, let's make sure you're okay. I happen to know him. I only know one so it's really random that it was-- Not random. It was really a blessing because I immediately felt at peace and not only do they ask, are you okay? But he was so calm.
He was calm and he was in charge. And I could tell that he felt like, 'Okay, this is going to be okay.' Like, his presence just naturally felt that way to me.
Allison Dayton: I love that.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And so, I think of when my kids have come to me and I've like, you know, internally been freaking out, like I'm speaking through my energy more than I'm speaking through the words that I actually say, right?
Allison Dayton: Yeah.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Because we're more emotional beings than we are verbal beings. So, like, I could feel that calmness and that presence from him, and I think we can do the same for our kids.
Like, I immediately thought of that situation and I thought, 'Yeah, what he gave me was his feeling of calm and peace, and that everything was going to be okay…even if in that moment it didn't feel okay and I had no idea what the outcome was going to be.'
Also, I only bent my tailbone, I didn't break it. So, I'm doing okay. Sitting on a donut pillow all day and lots of ice. It turned out okay, but it was like in that moment, like, 'Even though it doesn't feel okay right now, it is going to be okay.'
Allison Dayton: Yeah, and that’s-- As a parent, you can do that – as a neighbor, as a friend, you can do that…like bring that peace. Because when a kid comes to you with these ideas, they've likely been very scared to tell you, like very scared.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.
Allison Dayton: And what they need is someone to say to them, hey-- We said to our son like, "Okay, you're gay…we'll figure this out, we'll figure this out – we'll figure out what it means for you, what it means for us, we'll figure it out together." And, we have. We have-- We've kept his confidence and his-- You know, he's 23 now, so I'm pretty sure he doesn't tell me everything.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.
Allison Dayton: Frankly, it's probably better that way. But we work through the hard stuff together, and that's what you want. That's what you want with your child. And I stayed very connected to my higher power, which is God, and I am constantly guided to say a certain thing or do a certain thing.
And I don't let anything get in the way of that because this is my child; I was given this child to raise and turn into an amazing human. I don't want any other-- I don't need anybody else in that kind of equation; my husband, our God, and this child… we're getting through it. We've made some mistakes and we're--
Crystal The Parenting Coach: I mean, he always was an amazing human, right? Like, sometimes we're just like, oh, like in those hard times, it's hard for us to see that or remember that.
Allison Dayton: Oh yeah.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: But if we can like, just calm ourselves down…like, I've had conversations with my kids where internally I was a little bit freaking out. I literally went into the closet and like closed the door and just allowed myself to freak out for a while.
Like, it's okay. Like, I'm going to-- I'm going to freak out for a little bit and then I'm also going to take some deep breaths, and I'm going to calm down. And if we can always remember that our children are amazing humans.
Allison Dayton: Yeah.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: That it's not what they do or what they don't do, or like what they say or anything that happens, they're still just as amazing as they always were. And if we remember that about us and others, then a lot of these questions about like all the little, like…how should we do it, just kind of fall away. Right?
Allison Dayton: They're so easy; and for us, they're just simple now. We just-- We parent him the same way we parent the others. I mean, we make adjustments because he's different than the other two. They're all different, right? They all have differences.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Mm-hmm.
Allison Dayton: But for the most part, we're raising them all the same. And it feels like good fruit for us. The end result is good. And not only that, but our children love each other; and there's no conflict that one of them is treated differently because, you know, they're different than the other children.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.
Allison Dayton: They're just the same. And it feels-- It feels right. It feels very good to us. And that's what we do at Lift and Love; we teach people how to parent. There's no-- There's no good guides for this right now. Even my parents raised a son in the 70s and 80s with no handbook; and here we are in 2020, no handbook – 2022, I guess, no handbook.
And we really don't need one because we can raise them – we can raise them with our own spiritual intuition or our own guidance, our own authority, and our children are really listening.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. And I've seen that over and over and over again with the smallest of challenges to the biggest of challenges to…if we can really tap into our own inner power – our intuition, divine spirit, whatever you want to call it – we all have that.
And when we tap into that, the answers are there…and they're often blocked by culture and media and, you know, other people's thoughts and our own doubts and our own fears. But when we can allow ourselves just to freak out for a little bit, calm ourselves down, tap into that feeling, the answers are inside of us.
Allison Dayton: They are. And not only that, like it's a whole-- You know, we're talking about raising this little child…but what it's done for me, I'm more confident. I'm more-- I know where to go for questions and answers. And I know, I just-- It's healed, like the differences that I grew up with--
I'm very different than my siblings, and there's a lot of…you know, there's a lot of sadness there. And I've been able to see where the way I am is really needed in my family. And so, I'm stronger. He's stronger, I'm stronger.
It's hard, hard work; and I'm not going to say it's not because it's hard work. It's hard work being an LGBTQ individual and being a parent in today's world that's so divisive on this issue. It's very hard. But it is the best work I've ever done, for sure.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: I feel exactly all the same thoughts that you've said in this episode--
Allison Dayton: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: -about my kiddo, who's neuro neurodivergent.
Allison Dayton: Yeah.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Like I do have to make a little bit of changes in my parenting, for sure…but I do still teach him the same things – I do still have the same, you know, values or the same boundaries.
And also, like, what you said in the end, it is the thing that has changed me the most – that helps me heal the most, that has helped…has asked the most of me when it comes to parenting, for sure. And has just been the best, like, has been the best ever.
Allison Dayton: Totally. Totally. I mean, I am a totally different person than when I started this. I'm proud of the people we are all becoming in our family, and I love watching other families do the same thing. And that's-- I think that's why I do what I do; it's just amazing to see families grow in ways and connect to their higher source in ways they never thought possible.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. I think that is like the perfect ending. I just-- I love-- I love this. All this whole conversation has been so good. And before we even got on the podcast, we talked for even longer than this.
Allison Dayton: I know.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. It's just so good. All of this stuff is so good.
Allison Dayton: Well, thanks for bringing it up because it's a hard subject.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: It is. Yeah.
Allison Dayton: I really appreciate anyone who's brave enough to wade into the waters.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. I have to say, I've been nervous about like only a few podcast interviews in my life and this was one of them because I was like, 'I don't want to say something wrong or ask a wrong question' or like…'I really do want to know these answers'. But it's been so easy to talk to you – so, thank you--
Allison Dayton: Oh, thank you.
How to connect with Allison Dayton
Crystal The Parenting Coach: -for being so personable and full of knowledge. And if people are struggling or finding, you know, this challenging and they would like to reach out to you, how do they find you?
Allison Dayton: So, you can find us at Instagram @liftandloveorg – or we have a website that's full of education and information and questions and answers, more faith-based at liftandlove.org.
If you aren't interested in the faith part of our message, I would go to The Trevor Project, which really focuses on healthy LGBTQ children, focusing on keeping them from suicide. I mean, that's the main focus. But The Trevor Project is really a great place.
And then the family, I'm going to have to think of it really quick, the FamilyAcceptanceProgram.org, I think. But just google the Family Acceptance Program, there's some really great information about accepting your children where they are.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay.
Allison Dayton: And that's research based out of San Francisco, like UCSF? No, let's see. Anyway, University of San Francisco.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. Awesome.
Allison Dayton: So, those are the-- Those are my favorite places.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. Thank you so much, Allison, for your time and I will--
Allison Dayton: You are welcome.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: -let people reach out to you on Instagram, and thank you for all of your help today.
Allison Dayton: You are so welcome. Thank you.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Thanks for listening. If you'd like to help spread this work to the world, share this episode on social media and tag me, send it to a friend, or leave a quick rating and review below so more people can find me. If you'd like more guidance on your own parenting journey, reach out.
