S05|24 - Simplify 2023, How To Create a Life of EaseDec 26, 2022
Join me today as we plan for next year, in the most intentional and effective ways (not setting goals!). Spend the next year full of ease, flow and intentionality- even while parenting. Tune in to hear a NEW tool you can use in every situation, and a BOOK that can help you all year long.
On the podcast today:
- 3 steps to create more ease and flow next year (yup, it’s possible!)
- How to “declutter” your physical space, your to-do list and your mind, to leave room to maximize growth and expansion this year
- Decluttering your mind with MY NEW BOOK!!
- Knowing what is in your power to control/change and letting go of what isn’t (this is SO empowering!)
- What energy outfits we wear during the day and how they affect us
- The NEW “Everything Tool” that you can use in any situation to show up in the way you want as mom (and dad)
- Committing to being the change, breaking cycles and doing the HARD work of THOUGHTS and FEELINGS (aka taking the path less traveled, of healing and growth)
Coaching has changed my own life, and the lives of my clients. More connection, more healing, more harmony, and peace in our most important relationships. It increases confidence in any parenting challenges and helps you be the guide to teach your children the family values that are important to you- in clear ways. If you feel called to integrate this work in a deeper way and become a parenting expert, that’s what I’m here for.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hi, I'm Crystal The Parenting Coach. Parenting is the thing that some of us just expected to know how to do. It's not like other areas of your life where you go to school to be taught, get on the job training, or have mentors to help you learn. Now, you can get that help here.
I believe that your relationship with your children is one of the most important aspects of your life, and the best way that you can make a positive impact on the world and on the future. I've made parental relationships my life study, and use life coaching tools with connection-based parenting to build amazing relationships between parents and their children.
If you want an even better relationship with your child, this podcast will help you. Take my Parenting Quiz, the link is in the show notes. Once we know what your parenting style is, I'll give you some tips tailored to you and a roadmap to help you get the most out of my podcast. I invite you to help me spread the word by sharing your favorite episode on social media or with a friend.
Welcome to today's podcast episode. I'm super excited for this week and next week's episode because it's been so long since I've brought you a mono episode. So, it will just be me sharing wisdom with you.
I've been pondering the last little while on what would be most helpful and most supportive for you, wrapping up this year, and also wrapping up this season over the next couple of weeks.
And so, welcome to this episode, Simplify 2023, How To Create a Life of Ease.
I feel as if my life is so much more easeful now – abundant and intentional and conscious and aware – and I just enjoy it so much more and find it so much more expansive and fulfilling. And I've been pondering on what things made that happen and what I could bring to you that would be the most supportive for you today.
So, join me today. I also have a really fun announcement. If you know me in person, you probably know I've been talking about a book a lot. I'm going to be telling you all the details about the book and what's happening with that. So, stay tuned.
So, Simplify 2023; I was thinking about what I can share with you that will help next year be more full of ease, more simple, more intentional. So, I'm going to give you three steps.
And I'm going to even give you a tool that is a recent tool that I created that I call the "Everything Tool" because it literally helps with everything, and it's so good.
I created it for my Parent School clients that we were just wrapping up one of our Parent School sessions and I was like, "This is so good." So, I'm going to give you that in step number two. So, make sure you stick around for that as well.
And also, I know that it's easy just to like continuously listen and hear me say like, "Please, like, and share and subscribe, and all the things" and not actually do it, but it is actually really supportive and helpful if you do.
So, if you could leave a review, other people will know. It just increases in the podcast algorithm ranks or whatever, so more people see it. My goal next year is to grow the podcast. So, I would love it if you would share with your friends, family – tag me on social media.
I will share your share of me and leave a review or subscribe or follow whatever you can do on the podcast platform that you listen to. If this is something that you found helpful for you, that would be super helpful for me.
Three Steps to Simplify 2023
Okay, onto today's episode; three Steps to Simplify 2023.
Number one is going to be all about decluttering.
Three different areas to declutter
Now, I'm going to talk about three different areas in which we're going to declutter. And you guessed it; it's not just our physical space, it's going to also be our mind, but I'm going to talk about three different ways we can declutter before I move on to number two and number three.
- a) Declutter your physical space
So, number one, declutter your physical space. It is very hard to have intentional time and intentional brain space to grow and to expand and to kind of create something new in your life when your physical space is super cluttered.
And so, I want you just to look around, maybe look around the room that you're sitting in right now. What do you see there that maybe isn't supposed to be there – or that's broken or that's used or that you've been like, "Oh, I'm going to give that to the secondhand store eventually or whatever?"
What little piles of clutter do you notice and see? And then by decluttering, I don't mean that your house is going to be fabulously clean all of the time, because if you're listening to this, you probably have children and that's just not reasonable.
But what I want to mention is that clutter of our mind often manifests in physical clutter also. So, if we have physical clutter around us, it's likely that our brain has some clutter in it as well. And both are going to help both.
So, I find that when I take some time to declutter my physical space, it just allows me so much more room to breathe. If you want more details on how to actually do this, what decluttering looks like, what minimalism looks like and how that can help you…I would love for you to go check out my episode on my Marie Kondo journey that was in this season all about minimalism. It's really, really helpful.
Also, you can just follow some amazing simplifying gurus too. I follow Becoming Minimalist on Facebook; I found that really helpful.
There's Simple Life on Purpose; that's been really helpful.
There's a couple really great follows, so make sure you go do that as well.
So, decluttering your physical space is going to allow room for your growth. And it's a kind of a commitment; as you're decluttering that space, you're also committing to yourself to allow more expansion for yourself on your own personal journey.
When I have a clean space around me, or at least a decluttered space around me; I feel so much more at peace, I feel so much more calm, and I feel more able to take on new things and to take on new growth.
So, that's why I put declutter your physical space as number one.
- b) Declutter your to-do list
Number two is to declutter your to-do list. And this to-do list isn't just like the things you have on your list that you want to get done, but it's also the things that you're currently doing.
So, maybe you are president of the like school board – or maybe you do some, you have some service opportunity in community or in school or in church – maybe there's some business stuff that you do…I want you just to think about like an average day or an average week, actually, take some intentional time to do this.
You can pause and do it right now – or you can come back and do this later. But I want you to write-- Actually, do this. Get a pen and a paper and write down all of the things that you're currently saying yes to in your life.
Now, when you're currently saying yes to things in your life, you're saying no to other things.
So, for instance, if I'm saying yes to being at my kid's swim practice, I'm saying no to being anywhere else besides that.
If I say yes to cooking dinner that night, I'm going to say no to maybe watching a show or reading a book because I'm making dinner then instead.
Any yes, is also a no. So, I want you to be thinking about all of the yeses that you're saying yes to in your life right now. All the activities you have your kids in, all of the activities you have yourself in, all of the things you just do on a regular basis – grocery shopping, cleaning, dishes, all those things.
And I want you to go through that list – once you've gotten that comprehensive exhaustive list, it's probably going to be long – and I want you to think; what are some things that I want to say no to? And what are some things I'm intentionally saying yes to?
Because it feels really different if I'm going to my kids' swim practice and I feel like I have to be there and I have so much to do and I don't really have time for this, the energy that I'm going to be in that versus if I choose to intentionally be there.
I'm choosing that this is something that's important to me and it's important to him, and I want to keep on my plate, the next time that I'm going to show up at swim practice I'm going to be in a really different energy about it…I'm going to be more focused and I'm going to enjoy it so much more.
So, you don't have to say no to everything. I mean, you can, but you don't have to. You can go back and decide, what am I intentionally picking back up again? What am I going to hold? What's important to me? What am I going to keep? And what are all the things that I'm actually going to say no to?
Because all of the things I'm currently saying yes to are also Nos for other things. And maybe I want to say yes to more space, yes to more openness, yes to more decluttering, yes to more time, yes to more hours of my schedule while I have nothing to do.
Yes to more nature time, yes to more connection time with my kids; those are some yeses that I want to say yes to, but are so important to me that I'm willing to say no to other things – even if they're good, other things also.
Under this section of declutter, we've talked about decluttering your physical space. I also have to say, I just saw on Instagram the other day, a friend of mine that talks all about this also posted some research behind kids and playing with toys – and that they actually only play with like a few of their toys.
I can't remember what it was, but like the same like 5 to 10 toys over and over and over again. And so, she shared a little video of her playroom and how simple it was, and I was like, "Oh, this is so good."
It actually helps our kids to be able to play more. It actually helps them stay more engaged and more creative the less that they have. So, keep that in mind when it comes to decluttering your physical space.
So, we've decluttered our physical space. We've now decluttered our to-do list. And again, to-do list is like the yeses and the nos – and all the things we're doing and all the things we're currently saying yes to right now, and thinking about what our yeses are and our nos are.
- c) Declutter your mind
And then the third part of decluttering is to declutter your mind. Now, if you've been following along for a while, you probably know that I talk about this all the time.
You can go back even to Season 1, and I have an episode called The Model. I would definitely go listen to that if you haven't listened to it.
But what I mean about declutter in your mind is having a specific way every single day to clean out the clutter in your mind.
The reason why this is so important is twofold. One is our brains have what's called a negativity bias, which means that it offers us more negative thoughts than positive.
I've seen all these stats around thoughts like how many thoughts we think a day, and I've seen like 1,000, and 4000 and 6,000 and 40,000 and 80,000. So, I really have no idea how many thoughts we actually think a day.
But the more important thing here is that more of our thoughts are going to be negative than positive if we are not doing some sort of intentional declutter of our mind, some sort of way to think intentionally.
If our thoughts are just happening and we're just living on autopilot…and life is just going as it always has been going, what you're going to notice is that a lot of your thoughts are going to be negative – and that's going to be the case for everybody on the planet, you'll notice it for them and for you too.
The second reason this is so important is because what you focus on grows. So, I was just chatting about this with a client in Parent School, but she was talking about her child and how her child seemed more sensitive than normal – and all the difficulties that she was having with him.
And as she was focusing on these difficulties, more and more came; and it was like there was more evidence for that story, right? So, if our story is, my kid doesn't listen or my kid's hard or even my kid's strong-willed…those stories are going to make us feel a certain way.
And also, those stories are going to allow our brain, it's going to give our brain to have the go-ahead to look for more evidence of why that's true.
So, it's like giving our brain the green light, "Okay, tell me why this is true."
So, if I want more evidence of that my child's strong-willed and I tell myself that my child's strong-willed, my brain gets that, go ahead and it's just going to give me more and more evidence – all the times he says no, all the times she rolls her eyes…all the time that they don't listen.
That's going to just add and add and add and add to the story until the story seems so firm in my mind. It's like a belief. It's like set in stone; and I just live by it, I die by it, I believe it.
The problem with that is that whatever we focus on grows. So, do you want your child to be strong-willed? Do you want your child not to listen? Do you want to believe these beliefs about your child – if you know that you're going to create more of that, that your brain is going to actually show you more evidence of why that's true?
This is why decluttering your mind is so useful because if what we focus on grows in the negative aspect, it also helps in the positive aspect. If I'm focusing on love and connection and relationship and how much I enjoy my life and how fulfilled I feel, my brain can start to get the green light, the go-ahead, to actually start to show me evidence of that.
Even if I just say maybe it's possible; maybe it's possible that my kids do listen, maybe it's possible that my child's not overly sensitive, maybe it's possible that my child's amazing and creative and wonderful, maybe it's possible that I love my child…there's thoughts that lead to connection and thoughts that lead to disconnection.
And it doesn't really matter which ones are true or not. It matters, how do I show up as a mom? How do I show up as a parent in this child's life? And do I want to show up in that way? Is it aligned or is it not aligned with how I want to be?
And so, I'm always looking back into that; that is why decluttering your mind is so helpful.
Decluttering your mind with MY NEW BOOK!!
And this comes in my important announcement, which is; I came up with a book, it's not like a non-fiction read-through-it book…it's like a mindset journal. And I used to give my clients these like gratitude journals or I'd give them notebooks or I'd kind of change what I would give them as we were working together.
And I just never found like one that was like the one, where I was like, "Oh, I just really want it to be like, not just gratitude, but I want them to declutter their mind…I want them to be like dumping out everything on paper and questioning it and self-coaching and moving and growing and expanding and learning."
And I wanted to have all the tools that I've ever taught ever on this podcast or in my program. So, that's what this workbook is. It is a mindset journal. It's a parenting journal. It's not specifically for parenting, it's specifically for mindset because that's the thing that we're going to be able to move through that will help our parenting.
So, it's going to go over mindset, it's going to go over emotions – it's going to go over things like shame, resiliency and emotional regulation…and all of the things that I love to talk about here and in real life and in all the places, on Instagram, everything is contained in this book.
So, I want you to check it out at the link in my bio; I want you to-- You should be able to just print and ship it automatically to you, that's where we're trying to make happen. So, I hope that that has happened by the time this is aired and that everything works smoothly.
Give it to your friends, give it to your family. And I also want to mention it's more than just a book; it's more like an e-course. As you go through the book, there's going to be QR codes and you can scan the QR codes to go to the podcast.
You can scan the QR codes to go to videos that are going to describe those concepts so that if you don't totally understand it or if you don't want to go back and listen to the entire podcast episode about that one tool that I talked about, you can scan the code and you can watch this two to three little minute short video clip…remind yourself of it and know what to do.
The most amazing part about this is that-- I'll actually use an example. My husband the other day said, "I think I want to start doing some of this belief work that you do, and I want some way of doing it, but I just don't know how."
And he said, "I don't really want to hire a coach right now; I kind of just want to do it on my own, but I don't know how…like, can you teach me?"
And I was like, "So, what you're really asking is you want like maybe a way to wake up in the morning and know exactly what to do for your thought work…like know how to start, how to finish, how to question your thoughts, how to go through and just do everything step-by-step."
And he was like, "Yeah, that'd be amazing."
And I was like, "Hun, that's the book we've been working on for months."
And he was like, oh.
I was like, "It's right here," because we already have a printed-out one at home.
Anyways, but that's what it is. It's waking up in the morning or at the end of the night whenever you decide to do your thought work, and it's going to take you through a step-by-step process; you do this, and then you do this, and then you do this.
And then every seven days, there's going to be a review page, so you can go back and think on it.
And if you feel like you're really stuck in these beliefs, in these thought stories – you notice that they're maybe not serving you and they're not really in alignment with your vision and how you want to show up in the world, but you don't know how to move from it – then there's special tools in the back to go through that.
So, I'm excited for that. I'm also really excited because, for years, I have not found feelings Reels that I loved where I liked the kind of like parent emotions or the overarching emotions and I felt like they really connected with the lower emotions.
Or I mean, you'll see when you see the emotion Reel, you'll know what I'm talking about. But anyways, I'm excited about the feelings Reel that I created because I think it's really comprehensive, and I think it's simple and easy to use. So, you can check that all out in my book. Share it with your friends.
Okay, number three. So, we've talked about decluttering; we talked about decluttering physical space, decluttering our to-do list, and decluttering our mind.
And then we talked about-- Oh yes, now we're on number two. Yeah, okay. I was losing track. Okay, so we decluttered in our mind. That was all in number one.
2. Knowing what's in your control and what's not
So, number two in how to have a life of ease is to know what's in my control and what's not in my control. We often want to change our kids. Maybe we want to change our partner. Maybe we want him to parent a little bit of a different way.
Maybe we want to change a friend or a family member, a sister, a brother-in-law, a mother-in-law; and we're like, "I just want them to change…when they change, then our relationship can change…when they change, then I can feel better…then when they change, then I can show up in the way that I want to in the world."
The problem is you don't have control over that. You don't have control over them and whether or not they change. You don't have control over their thoughts, their thoughts about you or anybody else. You don't have control over their feelings.
That doesn't mean that you don't influence people; our energy influences other people's energy, for sure, but we don't create their thoughts and feelings. We could be super nice and calm and loving and do all of the right things, and they might still not like us.
They might still have negative thoughts about us. They might still feel not great because we're not the ones that control that. We might create an amazing environment for our kids where we're just like loving and relationship-focused and connection-based, and they might still struggle.
Newsflash, they probably will still struggle because they're humans just like we are, right? So, we don't get to control their thoughts or their feelings or their actions. That's what we don't have control over – is other people's thoughts, feelings, and actions. We also don't have control over circumstances that happen.
So, I don't get to choose when people around me pass away. I don't get to choose if I'm in a car accident or not when I drive or if I like run into the ditch. I don't get a choose whether or not a friend decides they don't want to be friends with me anymore or if I lose my job.
Obviously, I have some control in those situations in like what I have control over, right? Like me and my driving ability, and me and my health; there's some things that are going to change that – but for the most part, there's not a lot of control that we have in the circumstances and situations that are around us.
We think that we do. We want to change them. We're really upset when they don't turn out in the way that we want them to. But more often than not, we just don't have control around those things.
And that can be disappointing and frustrating and discouraging a little bit. But it can also be really empowering when we realize what we do have control over. That is where the real power in life happens is when we notice what we have control over; and we have control over how we show up – our thoughts, our feelings, our actions.
I always go back to think, feel, do; how I think creates how I feel, and my emotions fuel my actions – fuel what I do.
What energy outfits we wear during the day and how they affect us
So, I have power in how I show up. I think of it like energy outfits. I open up my closet and I put on an energy outfit of discouragement.
I want you to imagine how that energy outfit feels in your body for a minute. How does it feel for you? Is it a little heavy? Do you feel a little bit constricted? How do you show up in the world when you're wearing the energy outfit of discouragement?
Now, I want you to contrast that with calm. What if you go back into that closet and you put on an energy outfit and you're feeling calm? How do you interact with your kids or your partner or your friends or your family? How do you go throughout your day just doing your ordinary to-do list or whatever it is that you have going on that day? What's the difference between those energy outfits for you?
I'll tell you what the difference is for a lot of my clients and for me, is that when I'm feeling some of those heavier or bigger emotions, I'm more short in my tone.
I'm less understanding about what other people are going through; I don't really think about them and what's happening with them because I'm too busy thinking about me – because another thing happening in my brain is that I think a lot…I talk fast, I think fast.
My brain's just like constantly going; and it's just like repeat, repeat, repeat…ruminating on thoughts, usually negative ones.
I also change my body language. I'm not going to be as like open with the people around me…maybe I don't like rub their back or hug them or smile at them because I'm just so like focused on what's going on with me.
I'm more likely to explode at like little things that normally wouldn't bother me. I might be more likely to shut down or withdraw where I just like go to my room and scroll social media and do my own thing. Likely I stay up late, probably don't take care of my body very well, probably don't eat very well, probably don't exercise from that energy very well either or maybe at all.
So, that's how those different energy outfits affect me. When I'm wearing an energy outfit that's a little bit lighter – a little bit more positive – I am more calm, I'm more slow, I'm more intentional…I think much less about me, I'm not so focused on what's going on for me.
I focus outward; what I'm going to get done that day, how can I help other people? What's going on for other people around me? How to achieve goals. So much more growth and so much more expansive when I'm wearing that energy outfit.
So, remind yourself, number two is; what's in your power? There's some things that are in your control and there's some things that are out of your control. And when we stop focusing on what's out of our control and we harness that power of what's in our control, everything will change. And an easy quick fix is like, what energy outfit am I wearing here?
The NEW "Everything Tool" that you can use in any situation to show up in the way you want as mom (and dad)
And I'm going to share the tool with you now because this can help if you feel like you're not necessarily wearing the energy outfit that you want to be wearing. Okay?
Steps of the "Everything Tool"
I call it the "Everything Tool"; and the acronym to remember it is MARC, M-A-R-C.
M = Misalignment
A = Align
R = Review
C = Circle back
- i) Misalignment
So, the "Everything Tool", the first step is M, which is Misalignment. So, noticing when you are showing up in a way that you don't want to, that's misalignment.
So, it could be noticing it in your actions, like maybe you are yelling or maybe you're frustrated or shut down or withdrawn or whatever…maybe you notice it in how you're feeling, maybe you notice it in how you're thinking – maybe you have some heavy or some negative thinking there.
I want you to notice that misalignment.
Notice is the very first step because that awareness of our thoughts and our feelings and our actions is what is teaching us.
It's teaching us, "Oh, okay, hey, this is kind of misaligned…you're not really showing up in the way that you want to show up."
And you got to decide what that is, it might be different for every person. I like to show up more calm and grounded energy.
So, misalignment for me looks like when I'm people-pleasing, when I'm doing perfectionism, when I'm trying to look cool or think about other people's thoughts about me…when I am really frustrated or ragey or angsty, when I'm judging other people, when I'm critical of others – those things are misaligned for me because that is not how I want to show up in the world.
So, M is Misalignment. Maybe I notice it in my body and my feelings. Maybe I notice it in my thoughts or my actions.
- ii) Align
All right. The second step is A, Align; do something to align your emotions first.
What I mean by this is sometimes if you know thought work and if you know the model and if you know thought dumps and if you know negative daff affirmations and some of the other tools that I talk about, you might try to go to that step. But when we're high in emotions, we're low on logic; it's like a teeter-totter.
And so, there's no point in trying to go to our brain and like thought-work our way through it when we're feeling emotional; and we actually need to solve it in our body, we need to go to our body first.
So, do something to align your emotions. I'll give you a couple examples; meditation, anything that's going to help with self-regulation, breathing is one of my favorites – going into nature, any of those things.
And going back to my book; it's called Burn This Book, by the way, because it's not a book you just keep forever. You can throw it away after, with all your thoughts and feelings in it.
Anyways, in that book, there is a list of self-regulation ideas. There's a bunch of different ideas that you can use in there. I don't even know how many, probably like 40 or more. So, you can check that out if you get that book as well.
So, you're going to do something to align your emotions; that's number two.
And number three is Review. This is when you can go to your thoughts. So, once you notice that your brain is kind of, or your emotions have kind of gone down, your energy's gone down, you're feeling a little bit more common-grounded--
If you know the zones, this would be in like a Green Zone space. When you're in that Green Zone space, then you review; this is when you're going to do a thought dump or the model.
If you have the book, you can go back to that daily process that you do every day. This is going to help you learn, and this is going to help you expand.
This is going to help you start questioning those thoughts; what was I thinking? How was I showing up and why? What was really going on there? Do I want to keep that thought story? Am I noticing how I'm affected by that thought story? Is it helpful? Is it supportive? Is it not?
That's when the change can happen. Once we're back, our emotions are back in alignment in this review stage, then we can get our thoughts back into alignment also. Are these thoughts helping me? Are these thoughts aligned with how I want to show up in the world?
- iv) Circle back
C is circle back. Now, this is circle back, if needed. Sometimes I just circle back with myself and I'm like, "Okay, I feel complete, I'm going to move on."
But sometimes, we need to circle back with other people. Maybe we yelled at our kid or maybe we just used an unkind tone. Maybe we gave them some sort of a punishment or something because we were feeling upset.
So, maybe we need to circle back and apologize and reconnect in a really good apology, I'm going to say something along the lines of, "This didn't have anything to do with you, this was me…I was feeling this way – the behavior that I exhibited wasn't okay, but this is why I was feeling this way…it didn't have to do with you, it had to do with me."
Take your part, your role in it, apologize and reconnect. So, when you are feeling into this circle back phase, I want you to think about, does this need to be circled-backed to? If it's something maybe that I said unkind to my partner or to myself or to my child, I like to circle back to those.
But sometimes it's my child. So, maybe, for instance, they hit somebody else or maybe they stole a toy or maybe they skipped school or maybe they lied to you…you get to decide after you've reviewed, which means you're going to be in a clean thinking space after you've done the review step – whether or not it's something you want to address.
Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's like; this is just developmental…they're going to learn, they're going to move through it, it's okay.
Sometimes creative solutions will come into play, but sometimes I do want to circle back and say to my kid or my partner, "I know I was feeling this way before, I'm feeling a little bit better about it now – but we do need to have this tough conversation, we do need to circle back and talk about this." And those can be really helpful teaching moments.
So, reviewing the "Everything Tool", it's M-A-R-C, MARC.
Misalignment, notice when you're not showing up in the way you want to – thoughts, feelings, actions.
Align your emotions. Don't move forward until you align your emotions and you're feeling more positive.
Number three, review. Do a thought, dump, do a model. Do any of the tools that I've talked to you about that are thought-work tools in this podcast.
C – Circle back if needed to yourself, to your partner, to your child, to whoever is involved.
Okay. So, number two was knowing what's in your control and what's not. And that's a really helpful tool; I call it the "Everything Tool" because it works with everything.
3. Be committed to the journey
Okay. Lastly, be committed to the journey. Now, being committed to the journey is-- There's a few things that are within this. One is being committed to doing our own inner work, our own inner child work.
I posted a Reels a while ago about a dunce cap. We went to this local historical museum and they had a dunce cap there.
And the man explained there that if kids were bad in school, they had the whole thing set up like a school classroom, if kids were bad in school – and by bad, I mean like not listening or fighting or sitting things out of turn or whatever – that they would have to wear this cap that's literally says the words 'DUNCE' in like capital letters all the way down it. And they would have to sit in a corner with their nose in the corner.
Somebody commented and said that she had a really painful memory also in the same experience where she had to sit in a trashcan, like in the dust bin, in the corner – front corner of the room.
Committing to being the change, breaking cycles and doing the HARD work of THOUGHTS and FEELINGS
And so, I asked on this Real, what do you think these people felt about themselves? Like the kids going through that, what are they thinking?
Are they thinking, "Oh, this is a good lesson for me, I'm glad I learned not to do that thing."
Or do you think they're feeling shame? Do you think they're feeling terrible about themselves? Do you think they're feeling like they're not okay and that there's something wrong with them or they're different – that maybe they're not accepted, maybe they're feeling disconnected.
And inner child work means going back to the times in childhood that maybe were painful for us – at school, in our homes, in other experiences that we had – and doing the healing necessary for those.
Noticing what beliefs we've brought from our childhood that are still affecting us now and affecting our parenting. I've talked about triggers a lot on the podcast before, but the reason that we're triggered is because of these, because of these beliefs that we've brought – these past experiences that we brought through us, even if they're subconscious.
So, being committed to the journey means being committed to doing this work, being committed to being the change. I don't want my kids to feel that way about themselves. I don't believe that when kids do something "wrong", that it's misbehavior.
I believe that there's a skill that's lacking, that maybe they're having a hard time…that maybe they just need some more learning and some more growth and more tools that they don't have yet; and that's what I choose to believe about kids.
I choose to believe that they're doing their best; they're doing their best with what they can and what they're going through. I believe that about myself, and I believe that about my children and other children as well.
And so, just deciding that we're going to be that change; that we're going to parent in a different way, that we're going to lead in a different way, that we're going to be present in our community in a different way that maybe has been passed down to us through the generations.
And it doesn't mean that everything that's been passed down is terrible. There's been lots of wonderful, amazing learning opportunities and traditions and relationships that have also been passed down.
And we can take the good also, but we can notice what has been passed down to us that's maladaptive or not helpful for our emotional health and decide we want to give something different to our kids and to our grandkids and to the generations beyond.
I want to you to think about this too. I heard this thought that was like, "It's not hard work, it's hard thinking that gets us somewhere – that gets us to our goals".
And I believe that about parenting too. It's not that it's going to be really hard in demanding physical work – maybe in the first few years where you're not getting a lot of sleep and nursing and feeding your babies and you know, all the difficulties that come with that – but for the most part, it's hard thought-work that gets us here.
It's doing that deep inner work on ourselves, our thinking and being intentional about it, that makes such a difference here. And that's what I think about being committed to the journey; committed to the journey of intentional thinking, committed to the journey of feeling my feelings and validating them and doing the same for my children, being committed to self-compassion and self-love – and those being the number one driving factors in my life.
And helping myself through my own journey of self-love and self-compassion, find that for others also.
In my mind, ease, which is what I titled this episode doesn't mean easy; it means flow, it means alignment. It means allowing abundance and intentional living and consciousness around how we're living. It doesn't mean that it's going to be easy, I don't think it will, but I do think it can be simple.
And I do think that we can create more ease in our life. And as we do this, if you did these three steps, if all you did was listen to this podcast episode every week and made sure that you went back and did all those three steps, the end-of-the-year version of you and the beginning-of-the-year version of you would be entirely different.
Even if you're doing really well, even if you've reached your goals and things are going great…if you still go back and do these three things, you'll be amazed at how much changes can come and how much more still you'll feel and how much more inner peace you'll feel as you start to lean into that alignment and really live into alignment.
So, that's what I have for you, Simplify 2023. And I hope that next year is just full of simplicity, and full of rest and ease. And by that I don't mean easy. I think it is-- It's going to be hard work, but we can do it. I can do it. You can do it. I'm here for it.
If you are interested in joining the next round of Parent School, registration is now open. We are going to be starting the third week of January. It is a hybrid combination of one-on-one coaching, group coaching, and workshops all together. It's amazing. I have run it twice, and it has been an amazing experience each time – for me and for the participants.
We are going to be doing it again in January, and then not again until August. So, if you've been on the fence about working with me and you're like, "This kind of sounds maybe like what I want to do", go check that out. Send me a message; we can chat on Voxer or Instagram or email. We can hop on a call if we want to.
And just really follow your gut, follow your intuition about that. Is this something that I need in my life right now or is there something that would be better suited for me? And believe that you have the answer inside of you.
And if you have a friend that you think would enjoy this program, reach out and let them know. Again, we're going to be starting in January; and thank you for being here. And thank you for always listening and supporting my journey and my podcast.
Thanks for listening. If you'd like to help spread this work to the world, share this episode on social media and tag me – send it to a friend, or leave a quick rating and review below so more people can find me. If you'd like more guidance on your own parenting journey, reach out.