S06|06 - Possibilities, Believe Something New

“We are told from childhood onward that everything we want to do is impossible”- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist. 

Our beliefs around what is “possible” for us and our kids come from our past, our old beliefs, what we’ve seen happen before and, transferred beliefs we’ve taken from people/society around us. Unless we intentionally look at these, question them and choose to believe something new… nothing will change. Are you on this journey too? Possibility is magic. Magic can bring healing to us and to the world. Believe something new.

On the episode today:

• Believing something new is what creates any forward momentum and change
• How we define what is possible for us and our lives
• Deconstructing layers of conditioning around “possibilities” for us and our future
• Innovation, Creativity and Growth come from believing something new, that hasn’t been thought possible before

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Coaching has changed my own life, and the lives of my clients. More connection, more healing, more harmony, and peace in our most important relationships. It increases confidence in any parenting challenges and helps you be the guide to teach your children the family values that are important to you- in clear ways. If you feel called to integrate this work in a deeper way and become a parenting expert, that’s what I’m here for.

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Episode Transcript

Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hi, I'm Crystal The Parenting Coach. Parenting is the thing that some of us just expected to know how to do. It's not like other areas of your life where you go to school and get taught, get on the job training, or have mentors to help you, but now you can get that help here.

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Hi, and welcome to the podcast today, Possibilities, Believe Something New. 

 

Believing something new is what creates any forward momentum and change

A few months ago, I went to a business event in November called Life Coach Live run by The Life Coach School where I was certified; and we spent, I don't remember if it was two or three days – I think it was three days – at this event, just watching people get coached over and over and over and over and over again using the model. You can go back and listen; I have a couple episodes that talk about The Model, and just seeing their brains kind of explode and expand. 

Basically, what I feel like coaching is; is helping people's brains expand to more than what their current possibility is, and showing them so much more. Now, this can be in business and parenting and relationships and goals; like literally, in anything. 

But these people would go up to the stage to get coached by Brooke Castillo – she's the one who runs The Life Coach School – and they would have this basic idea of like what they just thought was fact. 

Like they were just stating like, 'The grass is green and the sky is blue, and this is like-- this is what's going on with me.' 

And they were so in it that they couldn't see that there was any other possibility; there was no other way to think about it, there was no way of changing. And what they believed was possible was based on everything previously that had happened up until, to them then.

The problem is that our brains only offer us evidence of what we already kind of think is true. It's like this confirmation bias that our brain has. 

So, our brain's like, "Oh, okay, well, if you believe that it's true that you can only make this much money or that you can only have this good of a relationship with your partner or that only this is possible in your life, then we're just going to only show you the evidence from your life and other people's lives, that's possible and nothing else is possible." It's like making itself-- It's like proving itself right. 

So, it was so fascinating to see this work just done over and over and over and over again for so many hours because you started to see like…as soon as they went up, you'd be like, "Oh, no, wait, there's totally more than that possible." Right? 

Because our brains don't have the same confirmation bias that somebody else's brain has. So, even if somebody goes up there and is like, "This is what's possible for me, and that's it," and they can't see their way out of it, you can. 

You don't know them; you're not in the story with them and you're just like, "Oh yeah, like I know this person that does it totally different." 

Or, "I've seen this before"…or, "I read a book where this happened"…or, "I know of this happening"…and we can see all these possibilities for them that they can't see because they're in it. 

And so, that's what the best coaching does, is that it shows you all of the different possibilities that are available for your life and for other people. And I love this idea of like believing something new, and that the belief of something new has to come first. 

So, let's use a parenting example, but you can use this in anything you want to change in your life. If under the surface I kind of believe that I'm like a mediocre mom – or like I'm not like I could be a better mom, I'm not really that great of a mom--  

Even I could be a better mom, sounds like it might be useful – and it might be like pushing you to try and do better, but it never does. 

If you put that in like a basic think, feel, do…if I think I could be a better mom, I'm probably not feeling hopeful – I'm probably feeling hopeless or discouraged or frustrated, worried, shame, guilt. 

And as I feel that way, the actions that are going to come from that – if you go back to think, feel, do; from that feeling that is going to be fueling actions. Like I likely am going to feel more stressed, more pressure, more out of control…less nervous system regulated, not going to be as connected to myself and to other people, not compassionate for myself and for other people. 

There's a lot of different actions that are going to come from that because of this belief that I have about myself. But the belief change part has to come first before the actions come first. 

We want to change the actions first. We want to go to think, feel, do, and be like, "Okay, well let's just change the do part…I'm just going to be more compassionate, I'm just going to be more connected, I'm going to be more patient, I'm going to yell less, I'm going to be more kind." 

And all of the things we want as a parent, we're like, 'We'll just do those, we'll just push through and get to that.' 

This is where things like compassion fatigue come in because Compassion Fatigue only happens when it's not real compassion. When we're just trying to push, push, push, push…the compassion's not really there. 

The real true authentic energy is not really there. We're just looking at the end of the think, feel, do, and trying to implement those actions when the think and the feel aren't aligned. 

If you're new to my podcast and you're not understanding what I'm talking about here, I'm talking about our mindset. So, this is how our brain works; our brain has a thought, that thought leads to a feeling, and that emotion that we're feeling is going to be fueling the actions that we take…thus creating all of the results in our life. 

So, if we want something to change, we're doing it backwards. We're going to the do part of the think, feel, do…instead of the think part of the think, feel, do. And then we're hoping things change; and maybe they change temporarily, maybe you kind of push it for a little bit – but you really can't fake that change. 

You can't just go to the end of what you think the do is going to be and try to do that without the think and the feel. 

So, the work here is actually believing something new first before the actions change. So, going back to the example of; I could be a better mom, what feels good? What feels energizing? What feels content? What feels compassionate? What feels loving? What are the emotions that I want to be feeling that I want to be fueled by throughout the day? And, what are thoughts connected to those? 

I'm going to give you a few; "I'm doing my best"…even when my best isn't amazing – it's still the best that I have that day with the tools, the skills, the personality, the capabilities, the mood, the all the things that I can do that day. 

Or it could be something like, "I'm a human and humans make mistakes." That's okay. I can feel a little bit more compassionate…than like, "I'm doing a terrible job." 

You can move on from that to like, "I'm actually doing a really great job…I'm doing a really great job with all that I have been given and all that I'm going through right now – I am helping my kids, I am healing generational patterns, I am doing the work, I'm exactly where I need to be on my journey." 

That one always brings me so much comfort because so many times I feel like I should be farther along in my healing, farther along in my business, farther along in parenting and homeschooling and schedule and health…in all these areas of my life. 

Our brain loves to tell us that we are not where we're supposed to be in life, that we are not in the spot that we're supposed to be in our journey; and that is not true. Where you are right now is where you need to be. 

And when we believe that, truly believe that-- Just pretend to believe it for a second. Just try it on. Maybe it's possible that I'm exactly where I need to be in my healing journey, in my parenting journey right now. And if that were true, how would it feel? 

And I want you to take that energy-- Maybe it's peace or content or calm – knowing, groundedness. What would you do differently from that energy? What would change? How would you respond to the people around you? How would you treat yourself and others? 

That is not faking the do in the think, feel, do; that's actually aligning ourselves so that the actions are aligned with what people believe, but the belief is coming first. 

 

How we define what is possible for us and our lives

So, on to possibilities. If we can do this in parenting, if we can change our thoughts and our beliefs so that we can believe something new – like 'I'm actually doing a great job, I'm healing, I'm where I need to be on my journey,' and we can start to make those changes in our parenting – we can actually use this in other areas of our life too. 

So, in any area of your life that you want to do something different in, you want to change something, this will work. 

At Life Coach Live, Brooke Castillo said, "You have to know that you are the creator of your life and your own possibility. You don't have to ask anyone for permission to be more successful, it's allowed. This life is yours for the taking, see what you can do with it. The gift of knowing that all possibility exists in the future is that there isn't any limitation on it." 

 

Innovation, Creativity and Growth come from believing something new, that hasn’t been thought possible before

This is how life works, right? We think that what we're living in right now is possible. Like back a hundred years ago-- Let's say 200 years ago because I don't know my timelines on technology very well. 

If 200 years ago, people could see where we are at now, they would be like, "What? There's no way that's possible." 

They would never have dreamed up a smartphone, a computer, an airplane, all the things that we have now. And innovation didn't happen until people started to believe something new was possible that wasn't currently possible at that time, right? 

So, when the Wright brothers decided that flying was possible, up until that point, a lot of people probably thought it was impossible. 

Or when Leonardo da Vinci, I think he made some sort of a flying contraption or at least drew out drawings for a flying contraption and he had all these ideas…people probably thought he was a little bit bonkers when he was alive, but he had all these amazing ideas. He was so imaginative; it was almost like he never lost that imagination that you have when you're a child. 

You know, when you're little and you think everything is possible…like, 'Of course, it's possible that I can fly'…'Of course, it's possible that I can go to the moon and I can be an astronaut'. 

We literally think that everything is possible when we were little; and I feel like people like Leonardo da Vinci didn't lose that wonder, didn't lose that imaginative curiosity – curious side of what's possible. 

And that is literally how every innovation has happened; it has taken one person…the courage and the strength of one person to believe that something new and different is possible that they have never believed was possible before -and maybe to go against the grain in thinking that it's possible even when nobody else thinks it's possible, which does take a lot of courage because you might be the only one there.

 

A review of The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

What got me into thinking about this episode and this topic was I am reading a book right now called The Alchemist; you may have heard it. 

And it's not The Alchemist, the one that's like the fiction book about magic and sorcery and stuff, that's also a really good series if you want to read it. I read it with my kids. 

This one is The Alchemist. I'm not sure how to pronounce his last name, Paulo Coelho. I think he is from Brazil. Anyways, maybe he's from Spain. I'm sorry, I should have read the-- I should have read the introduction so I could have told you properly. 

The original book is in Portuguese. Oh, it is Brazil. Okay. The original addition is in Portuguese. And the addition that I'm reading isn't, there's been like a couple changes to it – but he also adds like this introduction at the beginning; and the introduction is what made me pause so much because I just loved it so much. 

I've heard this book from several people saying, "You should read it, you should read it," people seem to either love it or hate it, it's so interesting. 

But anyways, soon as I started reading introduction, I was like, "Oh, I already know that I'm going to love this." 

So, I'm going to read you a little section of it; "What is the personal calling? It is God's blessing. It is the path that God chose for you here on earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend." 

So, I want you to think about that. If you don't believe in God, maybe you believe in universe or a divine or source; I want you to think about that divine calling, that God-given calling that we have, that fills us with enthusiasm. 

When we are doing things that fill us with passion, that fill us with enthusiasm…we are following what he calls our legend. 

I usually call that my mission or my purpose. I think that everybody has something unique inside of them, some unique magic that they have to give to the world. 

 

Deconstructing layers of conditioning around "possibilities" for us and our future

And then he talks about obstacles that come up; and this is what I want to point out first. We are told from childhood onward, that everything we want to do is impossible. 

And I hugely underline that part because we're constantly told from other people from a young age that, "No, you can't do that"…"Nope, that dream's too big"…"Nope, I don't think that's possible"…"Nope, you can't create this"…"Nope, this has never been done before"…based on what has happened in the past – that's what we're basing it on, right? It's not possible. 

He goes on, "We grow up with this idea and as the years accumulate…so too do the layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt. There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible, but it's still there. Then we, warriors of light, must be prepared to have patience and difficult times and to know that the universe is conspiring in our favor even though we might not understand how." 

So, then he goes on to talk about our mission and our purpose and all of that. 

And I love what he calls, he said, "If you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the soul of the world and you understand why you are here." 

There's a few other excerpts that I'm going to share with you, but what I love about this is this idea of when we're little, we're told all these things are impossible. 

So, then they just keep getting buried by other people's beliefs; we take on other people's beliefs – school, community, church, family – we take on those beliefs and we're just like, 'Yeah, you're right, that's not possible…yeah, let's just push that down.' 

And we lose this power of imagination, of innovation, of creativity, which is so fascinating, right? Because when we spend our whole adult life trying to undo all of that and give ourselves this possibility--  

And I remember reading that quote about telling our kids what's impossible. And I remember thinking, what if we never told our kids that? What if we always believed everything was possible for us and for them? And we showed them that we were the example of what was possible by never believing that there was like a ceiling for us; that anything could happen, that anything was possible. 

And because we believed in that for ourselves and we believed in that for them, that they were able to live in this land of possibilities where anything could be possible. 

What different creations, inventions, technology would come sooner because we're fostering the idea of possibilities instead of dampering those with the impossibility? 

 

Examples of how the belief of something new might lead to possibilities

One of the examples that Brooke Castillo gave at Life Coach Live when she was talking about possibility was; when you go into like a school counselor's office and you're in like high school and you're trying to plan college and they're just like, 'Okay, what do you want to be like?' 

There's lawyer and doctor and engineer; and they kind of give you this list of like, these are all the I ideas. Maybe they give you like a career mapping or career quiz so that you can figure out what you want to be, and then they give you a plan to get there. 

And she said, how different it would be if they came in and they were like, "How much money do you want to make and what do you feel like would be the most fun? And what if you could do anything you want in the world, then what you would, would you do?" 

And I'm sure they're probably counselors who take more of that approach to it, but I think for the majority were just like, "This is what's possible, this is what's done before…let's do what's been done before." 

Instead of like, 'If anything was possible, what would you want to do?' And how different that conversation would go. 

In The Alchemist, he says, in his introduction again, "It is the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting." And that has been so true for me. I've always had this knack of believing that things were possible that other people felt like weren't possible. 

Like, right now we've been considering where we're going to be traveling to next because we kind of just move around; and whenever I tell people like, "Oh, we're thinking about maybe like Europe or Southeast Asia or whatever," they're like, 'What? Really? Are you serious you guys are just going to--'

I mean, I have no idea where we're going to go, but I do truly believe that it's like possible to just move anywhere and to live anywhere that we want to live. We'll be able to like figure it out, and that we'll just kind of figure it out as we go. 

And I've always believed things like that. Like I believed that I always wanted to live in a trailer and travel around the US, and we were able to do that for a few months. We've done that a couple times, and I loved it. 

And I talk to people all the time who were like, 'Wow, that's the dream, that would be amazing.' 

But instead of just imagining that it would be amazing, I'm like, 'Well, no, it is possible so let's go do it.' 

And I think that's why Life Coaching jived with me so much because I've had this idea that like more was possible than I think is more average, I guess. I guess the average person probably doesn't think so much about these possibilities, but I have noticed, since I've done life coaching, that I still have this ceiling of what's possible. 

When I was at Life Coach Live, I was able to be coached a little bit by Brooke; and I had this idea that there was like kind of a level that I could attain. Like I was born into this kind of circumstance with this much money and with this much influence and whatever…and I know that there's a lot that's possible, but I definitely, my possibility was limited. 

It was like only to here, only to this level. And I can't grow more than that; and I can't expand more than that and I can't have dreams that are bigger than that. 

And so, believing that even more than that is possible has been amazing. One of the things I wrote down from that was, when you achieve your dreams, the whole world benefits. 

If you have the desire, it's a God-given desire. So, the desires that are inside of you, they're there for a purpose, and they're there to help and heal the world, I believe…like bringing your magic to the world. And I love the idea of expanding my idea of what's possible all of the time. 

Going back to the book, he says, "It describes people's inability to choose their own personal legends." 

He's talking about a book, "And it ends up saying that everyone believes the world's greatest lie." 

And he says, "What's the world's greatest lie? It's this, that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us and our lives become controlled by fate…that is the world's greatest lie."

Isn't that awesome? I think we totally get to that. Going back to The Model, CTFAR – or think, feel, do, if you want – we start to believe that our situation, our circumstances are what controls us…other people, you know what we've achieved already. 

Like we just don't believe that there's more out there. We believe it's all just kind of happening, and we can't do anything about it. 

And I love this idea of being able to change that, being able to be in control, and being able to believe that more is possible. 

I think I've also always had a knack of believing in other people and believing that different things were possible for them. Like I would meet different coaching friends and different entrepreneurs through this journey of running a business, and I would love them and believe in them so hard. 

I'd be like, "Yes, this is going to be awesome…you're going to do so good and you're going to grow so much, and this is amazing." 

And I would just celebrate with them, and I would love them and I would believe in them. I don't always have the easiest time believing in myself. It's still something I'm continuously working on. 

And I notice that I have a harder time with my kids; that I worry more about them failing, that I worry more about-- Just like little fears or like, what's going to get in the way? I don't know, like I just want them to be comfortable or something. 

And it's been most apparent with my oldest just because he has so many ideas and he's growing; and anyways, moving on doing all of his young adult type stuff. And I realized; I want my kids to grow up in a world of possibilities, I want to be their biggest cheerleader, I want to be the one who tells them that anything's possible. 

And that if they come up with this crazy wacky idea that I'm like…yes, I'm their number one supporter of whatever crazy or wacky ideas that they have because that is where innovation and change and healing will come in the world. 

 

Last shout out I'm going to give is read the book Lighter by Yung Pueblo. It's amazing. I didn't share any of his quotes today, but I have on past episodes; and he talks about collectively healing the world through individual healing and then collective healing. 

And I think that's what we do when we find our mission. I think when we find our magic, when we find our mission, we're able to bring to the world our individual healing and then able to help the world collectively heal too. 

So, I hope you'll help me on this journey and by uncovering what you feel like your personal legend is – what you feel like your magic is, what brings you enthusiasm and passion and purpose. 

And start deconstructing the layers of beliefs that we've held for so long about what's possible for us.

A few of the questions I love to ask myself are things like, where did this belief come from? Is this belief serving me? Why am I believing it? Does it feel good? Who told me? 

And one time I was doing this, I was setting an anti-goal; I decided I didn't want to set a goal for the year. And that's something that's not, that you do not do in business; everybody sets goals. 

And I'm talking to-- I was talking to somebody else about it and she said, "Well, why can't you not set a goal? Like, who says that you have to set a money goal for your business?" 

And I was like, "I don't know, they say it." 

She was like, "Who's they?" 

And I'm like, that is so true. Anything that I feel like comes from a they, I always question. I'm like, 'Wait a second, this belief did not come from me…this was passed down by somebody else and passed to me, transferred to me by somebody else, and am I going to choose it?' I get to continuously choose what I believe or not. 

 

So, I hope this episode brought you something. I know it was a little bit different than my regular scheduled programming on parenting, but I think it all fits so seamlessly together. 

I think that one of the amazing things I've been able to do through my homeschooling journey is to learn so much about our mission, our passion, our purpose; and help my children kind of find theirs and help me find mine and see amazing people around me finding theirs, and that the world is always a better place when that happens. 

So, if you have any questions about this episode or comments, feel free to reach out and we will see you next week. 

 

Thanks for listening. If you'd like to help spread this work to the world, share this episode on social media and tag me – send it to a friend, or leave a quick rating and review below so more people can find me. If you'd like more guidance on your own parenting journey, reach out.