S06|13 - Money Manifestation and Belief with Jamie Berman
May 08, 2023Jamie Berman is a Master Certified Coach with a background in Spiritual Psychology specializing in all things money, mindset & manifestation!
She has coached thousands of clients, helping them change the beliefs, habits, and behaviors that were keeping them from making the kind of money they truly desired in their business! Jamie’s clients stop underearning and go on to make 6-figures and beyond in their business without overworking or hustling. They come to realize that money isn’t something that happens to them, but something that they have the power to create!
In this episode you’ll hear:
- Jamie’s personal story of growth, from struggling in finding her true passion to becoming a Master Coach at the Life Coach School (and so much more!)
- What beliefs are keeping you stuck from manifesting more into your life
- How to tap into your true desire, and manifest anything you want
- How money beliefs can keep us stuck from building more impact and spreading light into the world
- Becoming the YOU that is aligned with what you are creating
Connect with Jamie-
Website: HERE
Instagram: HERE
TikTok: HERE
Manifestation for Business Workbook: HERE
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Episode Transcript
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Money Manifestation and Belief with Jamie Berman
What Jamie Berman does
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Jamie Berman is a Master Certified Coach with a background in Spiritual Psychology specializing in all things; money, mindset & manifestation!
She has coached thousands of clients, helping them change the beliefs, habits, and behaviors that were keeping them from making the kind of money they truly desired in their business! Jamie’s clients stop underearning and go on to make 6-figures and beyond in their business without overworking or hustling. They come to realize that money isn’t something that happens to them, but something that they have the power to create!
Hello everybody. Welcome to today's podcast interview. I have a guest with me that I'm excited about. Before I have her introduce herself, I have to preface that this is my husband's coach – my husband's first life coach, ever. So, I am so excited for it.
And you will hear all about what she does, and I am so excited to delve into this too, because she talks all about money and about manifestation. And these are two topics that I've been working on myself over the last couple of years, and I have learned so much from her and the workshops that she's done.
So, Jamie, go ahead and introduce yourself.
Jamie Berman: Yes. And I'm just so honored to be her husband's coach; it's the best. It's so fun. I love it. Yes, I am Jamie Berman. So, I am a Master Certified Life Coach. I have a background in Spiritual Psychology and Manifestation & Intuition; and spirituality is something that I feel like has just kind of been ingrained in me.
Ever since I was young, it's something that I've been really, really drawn to; and have, you know, my whole life, kind of, been a big dreamer – wanted these things, but kind of was told like, oh --
You know, just kind of like, I felt like it was like, 'Okay, yeah, but I come from the Midwest, small town.'
But I didn't see anyone else doing these things, but I was so drawn to manifestation. And once I started finding, you know, manifestation books and stuff, I started diving deep into it and finding that, holy cow, this stuff works. Like I am not someone who should be creating this kind of life that I started creating, kind of starting in my early 20s.
Jamie's personal story of growth, from struggling in finding her true passion to becoming a Master Coach at the Life Coach School
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. I was going to ask, when did you find manifestation? How old were you when you, kind of, heard more about it?
Jamie Berman: I was 11. I was 11. Right? Actually, I remember I was-- My grandma was like all into Oprah; and I was at my grandma's house in Michigan, and I saw she had bought some book from Oprah, I think it was like a Wayne Dyer book.
And then she also had this book on intuition in the bathroom. It was just like in her, you know, little set of books. And I literally picked that thing up and I read the entire thing, and I just felt like it was speaking to my soul.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Oh, my goodness.
Jamie Berman: So, I found it at a very young age. But I wouldn't say I started really practicing it until I got out of college and was like, what the heck do I want to do with my life? You know, I just felt kind of lost, and so I needed backup.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: What did you do in college?
Jamie Berman: Oh, I went to college for fashion and retail merchandising. So, like, totally different--
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Totally.
Jamie Berman: -from what I'm doing different. Yeah. It was just one of those things where I was like, 'Oh, that's the next step is to go to college – and I don't know…I'm creative, maybe this would be fun, I don't want to go do math or anything like that.'
So, I just randomly picked it, but kind of figured out like through that, that was not my passion. And then once I graduated, I was like, Ooh, what do I want to do with my life? And that's where I started kind of picking up those manifestation books again, and like dreaming big, thinking about what I wanted.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, at that time, were you working? Like, what were you doing? What was your life like at that point? You're like, reading manifestation books; learning more about it.
Jamie Berman: Oh my gosh. Well, it was awful. I was working part-time at Neiman Marcus, like in the makeup department because, again, I'm very creative. I liked makeup, but it was just at that time just not a fun job because I was working with all of these women who had been there for like 30 years – built up a clientele. It was 100% commission; so, you literally didn't make money if you didn't sell. And it was like--
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Oh, my goodness.
Jamie Berman: -in St. Louis, Missouri, kind of a slow store; and I was just like, what am I doing with my life? My loans are about to kick in; Like, I'm going to have to start paying them, I'm living in my parents' basement. Like, it was just-- I was like, 'I got to figure out what's next.'
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Wow. Okay.
Jamie Berman: Yeah.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: That's amazing. I didn't know that part of the story. That makes it so much better. Can you fast forward that for us? So, tell us kind of what happened over the next little bit to like where you are now?
Jamie Berman: Yeah. Well, then, I decided…once I started getting into manifestation, I was like, 'I want to move to Los Angeles; I want to move to a big city, I want to move to the sunshine.'
So, I decided to take the leap, moved out to LA with barely any money – but I was just practicing, believing, reading all of these books. And of course, it wasn't like the easiest journey ever, but I made it; and I made amazing connections in LA. I actually became a freelance makeup artist and started doing work for celebrities and fashion.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Cool.
Jamie Berman: Yeah, it was-- It was like, you know, all this stuff. But again, I kind of was like, 'This isn't what I really want though.' And then when I was probably 26, I was just at that point in my life, again, where I was like, 'But this isn't really what I want.' So, I found a life coach. And then from there it was like, 'Oh yeah, this is--' I was like, 'I want to do what she's doing.'
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Oh, how did you find a life coach? Like, because I never even really heard about life coaching until I signed up for The Life Coach School. I was looking for a Master's program in Psychology thinking I was going to be a therapist pretty much my whole life.
Jamie Berman: Right.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And then kind of found it while I was searching for programs and was like, okay, this is it. But I didn't even know what a life coach was before then slash had never been coached. So, how did that go for you? How did you know to look for that?
Jamie Berman: Well, to be honest, I have no idea. I think I was looking on Yelp for either a career counselor or something like that because I was like, 'I want to figure out what my purpose is, and what I want to do with my life.'
So, I think I was looking up on Yelp career counselors; and I found a life coach with great reviews, and I did like one session with her, and then that just opened the box. Right?
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Right.
Jamie Berman: It just was like, oh, there's--
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Once you learn about it, you're like, 'Wait a second.'
Jamie Berman: Yes. Exactly. And then in Los Angeles, I was living on the west side in Venice Beach; and there's just a big community of coaches and like spiritual, kind of spiritual community. So, I just kind of entered into that, and met lots of different coaches and things.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Awesome. So, when did you find The Life Coach School then? Like, when did you start with that?
Jamie Berman: That was actually like probably three years after diving into coaching. So, I started out with doing like Nutrition Coaching; and then I studied Spiritual Psychology, which was a little more of like my own personal development. I felt like I was doing my own personal retreat on self-worth and all of that.
And then I found The Life Coach School through somebody at my Spiritual Psychology program, and it was because I wanted to lose weight. And I found Brooke Castillo, who was a Master Weight Loss Coach.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Wow.
Jamie Berman: Yeah. But then that just totally spoke to me; and I was like, 'Yes, I'm going to go here, I'm going to get certified here.' And it was once I got certified at The Life Coach School, that things really took off for me.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Right. So, when-- What year was that? When did you do--
Jamie Berman: That was 2019.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. Okay. Is that when you started or you're certified?
Jamie Berman: That's when I started and certified, because it was back when they did in person.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Oh, okay.
Jamie Berman: Right. So, it didn't take very long to get-- It was like three or four months to get certified. Yeah.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. That's awesome, because I also started in 2019 – but at the end of 2019 – so I certified in March of 2020.
Jamie Berman: Okay. You were the one right after me.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah, just right after.
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I found it like that summer; somebody had invited me to an evening on relationships, and we were like running late. We were like hanging out with some girls; and they're like, 'Come to this thing.' I already told my friend that I would go, and I was like, 'Okay, fine.'
So, we go and sit and listen and I'm like, 'What is the thing she's talking about?' And she was teaching about The Model, and I was like, 'This is so cool.'
And I went and chatted with her, and I was like, 'I've been looking into some Master's programs.'
And she's like, 'Well, you might want to like consider this.' So, I had a consult call with her, and then like, the whole consult call was just me asking her about life coaching.
Jamie Berman: I love it; that's so awesome. Yeah.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And then, yeah, I found the program and was like, 'This is the right thing.' Anyways, fast-forward three years later, now…look where I am. I'm like, 'Wow, it's changed everything in my life.'
Jamie Berman: Amazing. Totally.
What changed for Jamie Berman through digging more into manifestation
Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, tell me about how your life is now then. What has changed for you through digging more into manifestation specifically?
Jamie Berman: Oh my gosh. Everything; like, literally, everything. It just looks so different. I have a career that I'm obsessed with. I love coaching; I have the best clients ever. I mean, I've manifested so many things – I mean, just to name a few of the things – but then I want to talk to you about what's even more important within that.
So, I mean, I manifested my home in LA, which I love, overlooking the mountains and the hills. And my husband, who I love dearly; and we have a great relationship. Recently, I just manifested my second home in Maui, right on the ocean where we spend like half of our time there, half of our time in LA. So, I mean, there's a lot of things – a lot of physical things that have come into my life through manifestation.
But really, when it comes to manifestation, it's like, it's about who you're becoming in the process of creating those things. So, it's like, those are the external things – but internally, I feel so different in all the work that I've had to do on myself in order to be able to manifest those things and to create this life that I have.
I just-- I mean, my before was; I totally didn't believe in myself, had so much doubt, had a lot of mental health stuff, suffered with depression.
Now, fast-forward; I am much more confident in myself – there's so much more self-love, so much more self-compassion. And I'm not going to say that I never have negative thoughts, I never deal with depression – but it's like…I know how to work with myself, I know how-- it's almost like I know what my patterning is, and I know how to hold myself in that. So, it just makes life so much better.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Mm-Hmm. I love what you said about manifestation being like that you see the external stuff.
Jamie Berman: Yeah.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: But the external stuff actually isn't even the things that matter. I mean, it's awesome and fun.
Jamie Berman: Totally.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, it's like all of the internal changes that happen. It's almost like the external energy; like it comes, but it comes from who you change into. And that's what I love about manifestation is that it's not so much about those specifics.
I mean, you could dig into that as you're doing it, but there's so much work internally that you do through this process.
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I used to think, like, when I was trying to envision like, 'Well, what does that person do? What does my future self do?', I would think so much more about like, how I would dress or what I would like do for the day. Like, it was so much more like physical versus like, who am I being? Like, how does my being change in the future from now?
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I think for me that it has been all the things that change. I feel like every year, every year that changes, again.
Jamie Berman: 100%.
What is manifestation?
Crystal The Parenting Coach: So, tell us a little bit about, how would you describe what manifestation is for somebody that's never heard it before? And, how can they get started on that journey?
Jamie Berman: Yeah. So, I know that word 'manifestation' for some people doesn't-- It's like-- It's a little, maybe they say too woo-woo, or it doesn't make a lot of sense. So, I always say like, you can replace that word with the process of creation. Manifesting is just creating, right?
And the way that we create, especially a reality that we've never experienced before when we're stepping into the next evolution of ourself or manifesting something we've never had before, there's no path. So, it really starts with our belief, right? What we are thinking. Do we believe that it's possible?
Becoming the YOU that is aligned with what you are creating
Jamie Berman: So, manifesting is really about aligning our beliefs, our feelings, our actions with the version of us who has that thing.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hmm.
Jamie Berman: Right? So, it's becoming the version of us who has it. So, that means that we have to look at, 'Well, how am I thinking now? What am I believing now that's in contrast or in conflict with the version of me who would have this thing or create this thing?' And we just have to be willing to question any of the beliefs, any of the thoughts, any of the patterns that aren't aligned with that.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. So, we kind of look at this future result that we want, whatever it is that we want to create. And then we look at; what is the-- what are the feelings? What are the beliefs there? And then, how am I not aligned right now in that?
Jamie Berman: Yeah. Exactly.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: What are-- What are my current beliefs? What are my current feelings? How am I currently showing up?
Jamie Berman: Yes. And I think step one is, first of all, defining what you want because a lot-- I think a lot of people don't even let themselves go there because we're so-- Our brains.
I mean, it's the way that our brain is, it works, is conditioned to just look at the past and say, "Well, this is what I've created before, or maybe just a little bit beyond what I've created before, so that's what's possible for me." But that's not true.
So, step one is like; what if we just let go of all of what you think is possible? And what if there's infinite possibilities, what would you want if anything were possible? And first get clear on that.
And then think about, 'Well, who would I have to become? How would-- If I were to create that thing, how would I have to think, what feelings would I have to embody? How would I have to show up on a daily basis?' And then it's not like you step into that version of yourself now, but you're in your way there.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Right.
Jamie Berman: It's like…ooh, what's one step that I could take in that direction? How can I start thinking in a way that's more similar to that, but still believable now?
How to tap into your true desire, and manifest anything you want
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hey, I love that. But it also brings up this idea of like desire, which I think ties into money. So, we'll talk about that too. But I think that a lot of times as women, we don't allow ourselves to really tap into what our desires are.
I think often we're like thinking outside of ourselves, like; what do my kids need? What does my husband need? What does my partner need? What do I need to do for work? And all of these, kind of, external things.
And so, oftentimes when I ask people what they want, they don't know.
Jamie Berman: Yeah.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I'm like, 'Well, if anything was possible, what would you want?'
And they're like, 'Well, I don't-- I've--'
Never usually not allowed themselves to think about the possibility of like, anything being possible--
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: -and opening up to their own desires. And then it's usually followed with like, 'Oh, well, that's selfish'…or, 'I shouldn't be thinking about money'…or, 'I shouldn't, whatever'.
But money, again, is just that external result that happens to come as we change our being. Like, it's not about the money.
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: It's not the selfish, like, I want the money for me.
Jamie Berman: Yes. Yes. And that's where I think coaching is so helpful. And I wouldn't be where I am today without having a coach to kind of help challenge some of those thoughts that are blocking me from even maybe getting into desire. Right?
So, if you're struggling to even think about what do I desire, it can be really, really helpful to have a coach who's like, 'Okay, well, what's in the way of it? Do you feel guilty of having desires? Do you feel like you have to put everyone else first?' See what the belief system is that's in the way so that you can start by even challenging that and looking at that in a new light.
How money beliefs can keep us stuck from building more impact and spreading light into the world
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Mm-Hmm. I'd love to talk more about money and especially beliefs that women have around money and just patterns that you've noticed coaching so many people that have come in through your program and through your coaching. What beliefs do you see regularly that women often come into your program with that kind of block them from creating more-- specifically with money?
Jamie Berman: Yeah. I think a lot of women don't see themselves as the creators of money. Like they don't-- They don't put themselves in that identity of I am the powerful creator of money; and that's for many reasons.
It's cultural reasons; you know, there's so many reasons why so many women have that belief that they're not in control of the money that they create. And that's something that I think is a real opportunity to challenge because when you don't feel in control, then you're just a victim. Right?
Then you just have to accept what is, but it's not true. Right? It's like we are always in control and we do have control even if-- Here's the thing that I always love to even talk to people who, maybe they're taking a step back in their career.
They're like, "I want to take care of the kids full time." Or, "I'm taking a step back and someone else is supporting me," maybe the partner's supporting them.
And then they have this belief that, 'Well, I'm not in control of the money that I make, I'm not a powerful-- that's not in my control.' And I always want to help challenge that and help them see that…no, actually you are creating money, it just comes through different channels. Right?
And not to have just this set way of thinking that you have to be, it has to look this way to believe that I'm creating money or that I am manifesting money. Right? So, I would say that's--
Crystal The Parenting Coach: That's so true because as you're home with your kids, you're creating all this value.
Jamie Berman: Oh my gosh.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And then your partner doesn't have to be thinking about all those things that you are then taking on.
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And even just like less than that…like when my kids were little, I would find different like grants or different things that the government was putting on, or like there was all these different--
Like at one point, our kids were getting like sports covered; and they had some like extra health benefits covered and like really, I was probably really good at manifesting money--
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: -right from the get go. I just didn't think of it in that way.
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: But there was lots of little things that I did. And I would like, you know, watch other people's kids – or little things would pop up and I'd be like, 'Oh, this is a good idea,' and kind of do it.
And so, to your point, I think if you're listening to this episode and you're like, 'Well this doesn't relate to me because I don't work,' it totally does. Manifesting money, it's not like the how; it's not like how the money is being created, you can still manifest it.
Jamie Berman: Yes. Totally. And that's why I like to think of it as different channels. Like it can come through different channels. You just have to set the intention that you want to create money or you want to make this amount of money, and let go of how it's going to happen.
But you can still create money even if you don't have a specific, you know, business at this time or job at this time; you still are a creator.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.
Jamie Berman: And it can come in other forms too. It can come in resources, right? So, I think stepping into that really, really helps with manifesting, knowing that you have power and--
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Totally. Even my kids, so my nine-year-old makes money. This is like-- He came up with this idea to start making wands; he makes these beautiful like Harry Potter-looking wizard wands. And then I started posting them on like Facebook, and people like loved them; so, now we go to markets.
I have like a 9-year-old, 14-year-old, and 16-year-old; all three of them builds different things. And we go to these markets on the weekends when we see them, and they'll like make a bunch of money. It's so interesting because it's easy to be like, 'Well, I'm not-- don't have a job so I can't make money.'
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I'm not saying you have to go to markets, but like, that was like their creation and their idea; and they already loved it. Like one – well, actually two of my kids – would definitely be creating what they're creating anyways, even if they didn't make money off of it. And it's just kind of a bonus that they get to.
But there's so many different ways, right? When you're little, you do lemonade stands. I think when we become older adults, and we're just like, 'Well, I can't do a lemonade stand anymore, so there's no way for me to create money.'
But there's so many creative solutions that come when we believe it's possible and open ourselves up to receiving that.
Jamie Berman: 100%, yes. Because then the ideas come when we think, 'Oh, I can't make money'…or, 'I'm not in control of it'…it kind of like shuts down all the ideas that would come versus if we believe that I can create it and I'm going to create this much money, then watch what happens. It starts with that belief in that thought. It's so cool.
Selfishness and money
Crystal The Parenting Coach: What about selfishness and money? So, as a woman who's like-- Well, now like you have enough – like your life is enough to want more than that, to desire more than that, and to start trying to create more big money.
I mean, you don't have to create. You don't have to have that desire; not everybody probably has that desire, but talk about that a little bit because I think a lot of times people just tie creating money or wanting money in with, kind of, this selfishness.
Jamie Berman: Right. And that's where I think it's such a good opportunity to look at; what does anyone gain from you keeping yourself smaller, by you making less? Like, what is gained by others from you making less? Like if you really think about that, what is gained? No one gains anything by you making less, right?
Crystal The Parenting Coach: No. You make less impact too. Like even like…take the money out of the equation, you're not going to impact the world in as big of a way without the money to do so.
Jamie Berman: Right. And then if you allow yourself, on the flip side, to have overflow… if you let go of guilt and believed that money was actually a beautiful thing that allows you to express yourself, allows you to give more--
Like, money is currency, right? So, it's always flowing. So, unless you're hoarding money – which I'm sure if you desire money, you're probably not going to just hoard it…you probably want it for something – think about, what are some of the things that I would do if I had overflow?
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Hmm.
Jamie Berman: And when you think about that, oftentimes, you're not only supporting yourself and filling your cup more – but you're also filling others.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yes.
Jamie Berman: Right? Like I want to, I don't know, for example, go get facials more often, then I'm going and I'm supporting a small business and I'm creating more abundance for them.
So, it's like; it's just this lie that when we have more, others have less – that's a complete lie because the truth is when we allow ourselves to have more, others have more. Think of what happens all around you when you have more money, what you do with it.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: I think I always thought like…oh, if I was really wealthy that I would turn into this like really rich misogynistic man or something.
Jamie Berman: Totally.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Like, I had this idea in my mind about like, now I'm going to be such and such. And so, I think part of that was like, 'I'm going to change who I am, I'm going to become this like selfish person that I'm actually not.'
And I remember hearing this story – I have no idea, whoever's listening to this, maybe this is your story that you told me – but it was like of their, I think it was their mom and they said that their mom was always really poor.
And at this one point, like their washing machine broke and they couldn't afford a new one. And somebody else that went to church with them was like, 'Hey, come-- Let me-- let me help you out.'
Took them to the store and was like, 'You can pick out anything you want.'
And she was like, 'What?' She was like, no. And she like felt so bad about it – but this lady was like, 'No, really, let me help you…I can do this. This is no skin off my back at all. Like, pick out anything.'
And she's like, it was in that moment that I realized like, not that she was trying to keep herself poor, but she definitely felt like there was some righteousness or goodness about being poor. Like almost that stalwartness of it.
And it wasn't until then that she saw the other side of it; like how much goodness you can spread with wealth, and how much goodness just leaks more out into the world.
But I think we have this idea often – at least I did, for sure – of like--
Jamie Berman: Totally.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: -money equals greed, equals selfishness, equals I'm going to be a bad person with money.
Jamie Berman: Yes. It's almost like that's what we've, I don't know, been conditioned to believe that's the face of a lot of money is that.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yes.
Jamie Berman: Is like this overly masculine man who's greedy and whatever, and is this certain overly powerful whatever. Right? But like, actually if we question it, it's like, 'Well, what would happen if a bunch of really good-hearted women made a lot of money? How would that impact the world?' Right?
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Right?
Jamie Berman: Like, it's not going to change who you are. Money can't change you. It's just like anything; it's just a circumstance, it just makes you more of who you are. So, if you are a good person, you will be a good person with money.
What beliefs are keeping you stuck from manifesting more into your life -removed
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I remember thinking that too – I don't know if I heard it from your workshop or not – but I was just thinking like, imagine like if the top 10 most wealthy people in the world were all women who were just compassionate and loving and amazing, and like wanted to share light and goodness.
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: I'm like, I feel like we would solve pretty much all the world's problems.
Jamie Berman: Right? Right? It's so true.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: How could that possibly be a bad thing?
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Like, there could not be anything bad about that. And when I think about my own personal gurus and mentors and people I look up to and people I read books from, they're all able to do that because of the money that they have; they're all able to make that impact that they want to. And so, for me it's a continuous, like I have to keep working on my thoughts around money because there's a lot of them and--
Jamie Berman: Totally.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: -more will pop in.
Jamie Berman: Yeah.
How we should view debt
Crystal The Parenting Coach: One that I've noticed too, that I know my husband has been coached by you before – so I want to hear your reframing of this too – is on debt, on how we view debt.
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: I have a very different perspective around debt, I think, than my husband has. And I've just been like, 'Oh, it's okay…you have debt, and you just pay off and it's fine.' And he definitely did not feel that way. We had very differing money beliefs when we got married.
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I think that money can definitely be friction in a relationship. So, how do you-- How do you work through that? Either having differing beliefs around money within relationships, but then also your thoughts on debt too?
Jamie Berman: Yeah. So, in terms of differing beliefs around money, I think it's just something where it's going to happen – of course, right? But I think the more that we work on ourselves, the more we start seeing the outer reflection of that.
Not saying that that person's necessarily going to change, but I think the best work that we can always do is come back to ourselves.
And if that other person is disagreeing or getting triggered…let them have their experience, let them have their thoughts – but come back to ourselves and look at; how am I relating to this? And, how am I maybe showing up in scarcity to their beliefs or feeling like I have to push my beliefs onto them? Because that's going to get you out of balance, right?
Crystal The Parenting Coach: That's where the friction comes in, right?
Jamie Berman: Yes. That's where it comes in.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: That's where it keeps your mind. We need to be on the same page. I always tell people in parenting when they're like, how do we get on the same page? I'm like, you allow yourself not to be.
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Like…it's okay, there's so many things that unify you anyways, so you can focus on those and you can just allow yourself not to agree on everything.
Jamie Berman: Yes. And I think it's also letting go of the belief that that-- It's almost like that that person has to be on board or that person has to believe in manifestation or believe in the power of create-- whatever it is, in order--
Crystal The Parenting Coach: For it to work.
Jamie Berman: -in order for you to do it.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.
Jamie Berman: No, it only takes one person. That's the fun thing. Like I've seen it in my life because my husband didn't believe in it before; and I just stayed in my lane, I'm like, 'Oh, you don't have to.'
And then, of course, he comes on board because he's like, 'Oh, yeah, I see this works.'
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Because you bought a house in Maui, he's like, 'Wait a second, now I believe you, Jamie.'
Jamie Berman: Exactly. He's like, what about this stuff? Right? So, I think the more that we can stay in our own lane and not make it a problem that they don't have the same beliefs-- And not believe that it's impacting us in a negative way. It's like it goes back to, you are the creator. Right?
You alone are the creator and you have the opportunity to create whatever reality you want, and it doesn't matter what the people surrounding you believe.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah, beliefs are fine. They can-- They can keep theirs.
Jamie Berman: Totally. So, that-- Yeah. And then in terms of debt--
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.
Jamie Berman: Yeah. I just think in terms of debt, it's one of those things, again, we've been taught, I mean, in our culture that like debt is bad – it's something to pay off really, really fast. And we have all of this, like; we go into debt for good reasons, usually. Usually, it's for our values or it's saves us in some amazing way. Debt is an amazing thing.
But then, it's like once we have debt, we're like, 'Oh no, it's this horrible thing, I have to get rid of fast.' And when we're holding it in that way, we're resisting it. It's just like if we're resisting money, because debt is ultimately money. So, if you're hating debt, it's just the same as if you're hating money.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. That is so fascinating that your unacceptance of it is actually going to prevent you from changing your relationship with it.
Jamie Berman: Yes, yes. Because I've helped so many people get out of debt, but it hasn't been through having a negative relationship with it. It's only once they've started accepting it and seeing it as an amazing thing that has been a great opportunity in their life.
And it's not always holding it in exactly that way, but it's more of coming into acceptance and letting go of any shame around it because most of the world has debt – way more…more of the world has debt than does, and it's actually normal.
And it's an amazing opportunity for us in many ways. And if we can start looking at it in that way and appreciating it from that place, it's just a lot easier to decide what you want to do with it.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. I think it's like unshaming it, right?
Jamie Berman: Yeah.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Anytime we don't talk about it and feel bad about it and just keep it secret…versus like, wait, if there's no shame in having debt, if literally every person has debt, it doesn't have anything to do with me, it's not a problem – then we change it.
And I've had this experience happen. I don't coach a ton on money, but I had a friend and we were out at a girls' weekend; and she was asking me specifically about debt. And she just like had all these negative thoughts about her debt; and so many of them were just so heavy, like it's the worst and whatever.
Anyways, she even told me the number and I was like, 'That's not even very much.'
Like, I was like, 'I thought you were going to say 10 times that much.'
Anyways, but her thoughts about it were definitely feeling so heavy to her.
Jamie Berman: Yes, yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And so, we chatted about it and we reframed things a little bit; and she felt a lot better afterwards. She texted me about a week later and she was like, because she was really resistant in the beginning.
She was like, 'No, but it's bad. No, but it's wrong. No, but it's going to take forever. No, but that's-- you know, it's ruining my life,' kind of thing.
And a week later when she felt better about it, she's like, 'I had this idea to contact my bank, and to ask them to do this and to change these things.'
And she's like, 'It feels so much more manageable.' Like, I actually think it's going to improve her ability to pay off the debt because of thinking about it in such a different way.
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: I think questioning-- I love to just question everything now in my entire life, which is awesome – but like, everything, like debt…I'm like, 'Wait a second, what do I want to believe about that?'
Jamie Berman: Yeah.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I haven't chosen the belief of like, I'm just going to take on debt for any reason and never think about it. I don't think when you intentionally think about debt, that'll ever be your belief.
Even though sometimes we worry about like, well, if I just allow myself to, I'll go to the other extreme and not care about money. But I think just intentionally choosing, how do I want to feel about this? And, has it helped me and has it supported me and can I think about it in a different way that serves me a little bit more?
Jamie Berman: Yes. Yes, because when we can get into like this present moment too of like our brain tells us, "Oh, it's this horrible thing that's creating so much suffering in my life," but whenever you come into this moment it's like; right here, right now, is that affecting you? Probably, like if you were to actually look at the scope of your life--
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah.
Jamie Berman: -with that-- If you didn't have the thought that debt was causing so much suffering, like; does it actually cause any suffering? It's just what you're telling yourself about it. Right?
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. Our brains are so powerful. And I think the power of manifestation is in like; not only are we like focusing on what it is it that I want to create, but it's also on where I am right now. And usually, it's like more of the heaviness and more of the pressure.
And so, I think changing that is really like what we said in the beginning; it's not about what you create in the end, it's about all the things that shift internally.
Okay. We're pretty much out of time, but I have to say one more thing that I got from your workshop that was so helpful – maybe it wasn't your workshop, maybe it was your Instagram – but you were talking about future journaling, I don't know what you call it. But basically, you wake up and you write like a day in the life of from my future self of like when you have manifested the thing.
Jamie Berman: Yes.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And it was so fun; it was like the funnest journaling I've ever done. I was like, I could journal like this all the time because it was like; I wake up and like I'm in this beautiful house…and it's overlooking this, and there's all these lush trees, and I feel this space – and it's beautiful.
And like you basically journal as if you've already created a thing that you want to create and it's already happened; and like, you just do your little journaling session. And I found it such a potent way of being able to shift your energy.
Jamie Berman: That's it. That's like you stepping into the energy of it ahead of time and you will find, Crystal, it's wild. If you start looking back at those journals, you're going to be like, 'Wait, what? I'm living this now.' It's mind-blowing. So, yeah, that's the-- It's just--
Crystal The Parenting Coach: I love it.
Jamie Berman: -the simplest manifestation exercise where you basically just jump into the future that you most want and pretend it's a day in the life of – pretend you're journaling from that place, just describe your life.
Describe what it's like; what are you-- How are you waking up? What do you eat? What do you see around you? What are you experiencing? What are you feeling? Like, do it as if from like I am right now – from the present moment, but in the future. Yeah, it's a powerful exercise.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. I love that. So, for those of you listening, if you want to start manifesting, start with that exercise because it's so fun.
And if you can't even go there yet, because you're still stuck in the desire – I don't know what I desire – ask yourself; if anything was possible, if it was true that anything in the world was possible – if a fairy godmother could come and give me my three wishes or whatever, that's probably a genie…but anyways, what would happen in the end?
And just allow yourself to start opening up to the possibilities. because it's so fun. It's so fun.
Jamie Berman: Right?
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Even if you don't create the thing you want to create, you change and grow; and it's so fun in the meantime.
Jamie Berman: It's so fun. And it's so fun; like that's one of the most fun things about manifesting, is it's so fun looking forward to something. Right? Like that we know we're creating and we're in the middle of creating it…but having those things, those impossible goals, those manifestations – for me, it makes life more fun. It's like whenever we book a vacation that we've been dreaming of, it's the anticipation that's so much fun. So, why not?
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah, why not? Why not believe it's possible anyways? I have used this story before too, and if you have kids then don't let them hear this part, but when my daughter was believing in Santa-- And we don't really push that in our house; I really want it to be like open and honest and transparent about things.
And so, obviously, she believed it just because it's like around in culture; and at one point, she was really young, she was probably like four or five, and she like asked us about it or something.
And I was like, 'Well what do you think?'
She's like, 'Well, I think he's real.'
And so, we kind of talked more about it, and kind of came to this conclusion of like, 'Well, it's Santa spirit and all these things, and we can still feel this loving way – but there isn't actually a physical person that does this, and it comes from the story. And we read the story and stuff .Anyways she was so ticked; and she just like folded her arms and walked down, and was just like, 'Nope, he's real.'
Jamie Berman: I love it.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And I was like, 'Okay, alright.' That's fine.
Jamie Berman: I love it.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: And we had that conversation for a couple years in a row where she was like, 'Nope, nope.' And I was like-- She loved believing in that magic, and she wasn't ready for it not to be real. And I loved that for her; and was like, 'That's fine.'
Jamie Berman: That's it.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: You can believe in whatever you want. Like you can believe-- She believes in unicorns and fairies and all these magical things. And I'm like, it is amazing to believe in those things.
Jamie Berman: It totally is.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: You can believe in them if you want.
Jamie Berman: Why stop in adults, right? Like it's so much more fun to believe in magic. It really is.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: It is. Yeah. That is my word of this year's, my word of the year is 'magic'.
Jamie Berman: Is it? Oh, my gosh…it's going to be a good year.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: It's going to be a good year.
Jamie Berman: That's a good word.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: My words always come to me at the end of the year before. And when that word came, I really pushed back against it because I'm like, what, what does that even mean? Usually, it feels like it has like meaning to it; like, I kind of know why. And I had no idea, but I was like, 'I'm going to go with it anyways.' And anyways, so I love it. I love that keeps popping up in little ways and little conversations.
How to connect with Jamie Berman
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Okay. So, we are out of time, but I do want you to just share with people; how can they hear more about you – podcast, Instagram, whatever…all the things are that you have?
Jamie Berman: Yes. Yeah. You can find me on Instagram, @jamieberman. I am starting a podcast soon, so I'll have to send you-- Once it launches, I'll have to send you the link to put in. And yeah, I'm at jamieberman.com, so come hang out. Yeah, I'm usually on Instagram though.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Yeah. And if you check out her Instagram too, she'll give tips of like, 'This is what I can do.' And you can start manifesting just by checking that out.
Jamie Berman: Totally. I love giving all the tips. And I do have also a-- If you want to dive into manifestation, I do have a-- It's called Manifestation for Business, but if you don't have a business, you can use it for anything; it can be money, your relationships, whatever it is you're manifesting. So, I'll also send that over to you so that you can offer it to them.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Sounds good. So, you can check those all on the show notes. All right. Thanks, Jamie.
Jamie Berman: Thank you.
Crystal The Parenting Coach: Thanks for listening. If you'd like to help spread this work to the world, share this episode on social media and tag me – send it to a friend, or leave a quick rating and review below so more people can find me. If you'd like more guidance on your own parenting journey, reach out.
